ASK Musings

No matter where you go, there you are.

Yearly Archive: 2019

Friday

27

December 2019

0

COMMENTS

Dear Girls by Ali Wong

Written by , Posted in Reviews

Four Stars

Best for:
Anyone who likes a good comedic memoir but also appreciates some sincerity.

In a nutshell:
Comedian Ali Wong shares stories from her life through the convention of letters to her two daughters. She also gives her husband the afterword to tell some of his perspective.

Worth quoting:
“You have suffered enough.” That became my mantra for motherhood from there on out. You have suffered enough. If you can make it easier, make it easier, and don’t feel guilty about it.”

Why I chose it:
Humorous memoirs are my favorite. Plus, I knew that over the holidays most of the podcasts I listen to on runs would be on break, so I needed something to listen to.

Review:
I’ve seen both of Ali Wong’s Netflix specials and watched Always Be My Maybe. The latter had me in near tears at times, the former two are funny for sure but a bit bluer than I like. It’s not that I think she shouldn’t be so vulgar or anything — it’s just not favorite type of humor. And while there is definitely a fair bit of that vulgarity in this book, I enjoyed it all quite a lot.

The convention Wong uses has each chapter take the form of a new letter to her daughters, who are still very young. Every once in awhile I’d get a feeling like when I’d think too hard about an episode of How I Met Your Mother: you really want to tell your kids THAT? Huh. Okay. But the convention relies on her daughters not reading the book until their 21, and frankly it’s kind of cool to think about kids who will know a lot about their mother’s life. How many of us have the kind of relationship with our parents where they tell stories of their wild times in college? If so, good for you, but that’s not really my experience of the world.

No single chapter / letter stands out to me as a must re-read; I think it was an even book with hilarious and sweet parts spread equally throughout. If funny memoirs are your thing, this is probably already on your radar; if not, I think you still might enjoy it. And definitely get the audio version – it’s great to hear Wong (and, at the end, her husband) read their own words.

Keep it / Pass to a Friend / Donate it / Toss it:
Keep it (but if it were in paperback and not audio form I’d definitely pass it to a friend)

Thursday

26

December 2019

0

COMMENTS

Zaitoun by Yasmin Khan

Written by , Posted in Reviews

Five Stars

Best for:
Those looking for a cookbook filled with gorgeous photos as well as stories from the people who prepare the recipes.

In a nutshell:
Travel and food writer Khan visits cities throughout the Occupied Palestinian Territories, meeting with Palestinians to learn about their food, as well as their lives under occupation.

Worth quoting:
‘I stay hopeful because I believe apartheid will eventually be defeated.’
‘I understand that you want to share our culture, but you can’t discuss Palestinian food without talking about the Occupation.’

Why I chose it:
We spent Christmas at the home of a friend’s mother, who kindly gifted us this book, with the only knowledge that we were vegetarian and liked to cook. While the book itself does have some meat recipes, it is primarily full of delicious vegetarian fare.

Review:
This cookbook is unlike any I’ve ever read before. In addition to being filled with recipes that I cannot wait to try out, the author focuses on the lives of the people who create this delicious food. As evidenced by the quotes above, which come from people Khan met with in her travels across the OPT, it is great to share these recipes with the world, but the stories of the Palestinian people need to be shared. And that includes the stories of the challenges they face under occupation in keeping their way of life.

Khan visits Palestinians living in Haifa, Akka, Jerusalem, Nablus, Jenin, Gaza, Bethlehem, Nazareth and The Galilee, and shares recipes for mazzeh, salads, soups mains, and desserts. There are so many that I want to eat right now, from roast red peppers with olives and capers, to seared halloumi, to lentils with chard and tahini to pomegranate passion cake. I plan to get started on making them this weekend.

Keep it / Pass to a Friend / Donate it / Toss it:
Keep it

Thursday

26

December 2019

0

COMMENTS

The Little Dictionary of Fashion by Christian Dior

Written by , Posted in Reviews

Three Stars

Best for:
Anyone who might enjoy a 1950s time capsule of fashion terms and ideals.

In a nutshell:
Christian Dior provides definitions and opinions on everything from collars to tweed in this 65-year-old gift book.

Worth quoting:
“However much you admire a certain frock or coat on somebody else before you wear a similar one yourself you must think to yourself ‘What will this do for me?’”

Why I chose it:
In April of this year I was fortunate enough to attend the Dior exhibition at the Victoria & Albert museum in London. It was amazing. I wanted some memento and so purchased this little book, started it, and then promptly buried it in my nightstand pile, resurrected this week as I attempt to start 2020 with no half-read books.

Review:
I think my title for this review says it all: one can definitely tell it was written in the 1950s. Fur features prominently in here (fox, sable, mink – all are discussed, and the various virtues compared), the styles mentioned revolve heavily around skirts and skirt suits (I’m not sure trousers were mentioned at all), and every picture is of very tiny white woman. Additionally, Dior makes many mentions of what is appropriate for ‘plump’ women in terms of prints and color which, frankly, I have no interest in. Wear what you like!

That said, it was a bit of an interesting time capsule, to read Dior’s thoughts on different aspects of fashion. Unfortunately, many of the definitions are less, well, definitions, and more paragraphs about how said item fits into Dior’s view of fashion. Which is fine, but it’s hard for me to assess Dior’s thoughts on pique when I’m still not entirely sure what that is. Additionally, many sections (such as hemlines) would have benefited from drawings showing the various types and their names.

Still, it’s a fun little read, and I’ll put it on my bookshelf along with my other fashion and etiquette books.

Keep it / Pass to a Friend / Donate it / Toss it:
Keep it.

Thursday

26

December 2019

0

COMMENTS

Home Sweet Maison by Danielle Postel-Vinay

Written by , Posted in Reviews

Three Stars

Best for:
Anyone looking for some fresh ideas for their home.

In a nutshell:
Author Postel-Vinay has lived in France (and married into a French family), and offers up her thoughts on ways the French home is set up.

Worth quoting:
“Having food that is fresh is more important than food that is convenient, and the French cuisine reflects this.”

Why I chose it:
One of my dear friends has themed Christmases, and her gifts match the theme. This year? French Christmas.

Review:
I love home improvement books (as in, ones that talk about home decor, cooking, and cleaning, not, like, learning how to rewire the house). This is a perfectly fine one, although there isn’t a ton in here that I will be putting into action, mostly because a lot of it relates to the actual construction of the house, which I’m not able to alter.

For example, the first chapter talks about creating an actual entrance area to one’s home. In our apartment in London, the entrance is a a square with sides the width of a door frame, enclosed by wall on one site, the front door on another, the stairs on the third side, and the door to the kitchen on the forth. There’s no room to put a bench or shoe storage area. Another chapter talks about having the kitchen and dining areas separate. Granted, she offers suggests for how to create that separation in an open plan, but again, I’m not able to throw a wall up in the middle of my rented flat.

Some of the suggestions are great – like immediately cleaning up after using kitchen utensils (which should have a reasonable, dedicated location in the kitchen), or some ideas around improving our bathroom. But a lot of it isn’t necessarily my style, and that’s okay! I’m never going to fill my house with loads of fancy objects found for a bargain at a flea market, because I don’t really like that look. That’s what I love about books like this though – there’s something in there that other people will like, and I can mix what I want with things I’ve picked up from other books.

Keep it / Pass to a Friend / Donate it / Toss it:
Keep it

Monday

23

December 2019

0

COMMENTS

The Perils Of Perception by Bobby Duffy

Written by , Posted in Reviews

Four Stars

Best for:
People wondering how on earth everyone else can have such misconstrued ideas (hint: you do too!).

In a nutshell:
Author Duffy explores areas in which people tend to vastly over- or underestimate facts, and why that might be.

Worth quoting:
“Our misperceptions can provide clues to what we’re most worried about – and where we’re not as worries as we should be.”

Why I chose it:
I’ve known that I — and others — will often overestimate how bad things are, or underestimate how good things are, and that often in the face of facts that don’t match our beliefs, people will just … double down. I wanted to learn more about why that is.

Review:
There is a lot going on in this book, and I won’t be able to do it all justice, so I hope if the topic interests you you’ll consider checking it out. But here is my attempt!

Have you seen “Sleepless in Seattle”? I have. It’s one of my favorite films. There’s a scene near the beginning, where Meg Ryan’s character Annie is in the office talking with her colleagues about that statistic about how a woman over 40 is more likely to be killed by a terrorist than to get married. And Annie says that the statistic is not true, and Rosie O’Donnell’s character Becky responds with “That’s right, it’s not true. But it feels true.”

So much of what we get wrong about facts stem from this idea. If it feels like, say murders are on the rise (perhaps because you see murders reported on the news each night), or members of a certain religion are immigrating to your country in large numbers (because many politicians keep pointing out the locations of their houses of worship as a threat to their idea of the dominant culture), you might not believe it when people tell you that murders are down, or the population of that specific religion in your country is about five times less than your guess.

Duffy discusses this, as well as the idea that our errors in answering questions about verifiable facts often reflects our worries. We might overestimate how much of our nation’s budget goes to foreign aid (extremely small amount) by dozens of percentage point because we fear that not enough money is being spent at home. We might overestimate violent crime because we are worried about walking home in our own neighborhood at night. We are factually wrong, but our perceptions are based in our emotions, and those are hard things to adjust.

This book looks at other reasons why we are so wrong – including that we think other people are more like us than they actually are – but I found those two aspects the most compelling.

I was also intrigued by the fact that while there are definitely issues with the spread of bad information on social media, we aren’t necessarily more poorly informed than we were, say, 80 years ago. Our perceptions are generally pretty bad all the time – but perhaps now people are noticing it more.

The book ends with ten suggestions for how we can improve our own perceptions and understanding of the world. My favorite was ‘Accept the emotion, but challenge the thought.’ I might hear a statistic or fact that goes against my beliefs. And its okay to have a reaction to that. But then I need to start thinking through it critically and explore why I’m having the reaction I’m having, what it means if that fact is correct, and how my values and worldview are impacted by that, instead of just saying ‘that can’t be right, I don’t believe it.’

Keep it / Pass to a Friend / Donate it / Toss it:
Donate it

Sunday

22

December 2019

0

COMMENTS

Making Friends

Written by , Posted in Move to UK: Taking Care

It’s hard to make friends as we get older. People have the friends they’ve made over the years, and often barely have time for them as their lives get busier. People have partners, children, ailing parents. They might be working longer hours as their careers get moving.

We saw it happening before we left Seattle. As one of only a few folks without kids, we saw our friends with kids much less often than we used to. It seems to be how things go, but it wasn’t something either of us particularly like about getting older.

So now that we’re in London, and closer to 40 than 30, can we even make new friends?

YES. Definitely yes.

You cannot be all things to your partner, and they can’t be all things to you. Whomever is working is going to be busy during the day, but the evenings and weekends are still there, and they can’t always be spent just with each other.

The person who is working may make friends at the office, but it will take time, if it ever happens. Which means looking elsewhere. If you are the person with a job, it might be a bit harder to initially carve out some time, but it’s possible and I’d argue important. But if you are a partner who hasn’t found work yet? I’d argue it’s critical. I’m fairly introverted, but being alone all day most days was even a lot for me. Yes, I’d get out to lunch with friends at least once a week, but I already had a group of friends here from when I lived in London before. But they all have lives and jobs and things to do.

Do you have hobbies? Do you like to run, or play football, or read? Libraries and independent bookstores are great places to find book clubs. If you graduated college you can also call upon your alumni association to see if there’s a local chapter in your new city. A quick online search can help connect you to adult recreational leagues for your chosen sports.

You can also try signing up with groups like Meet Up. You can search by topic and find events to attend with other people who like the same thing. They aren’t all going to be perfect, and you might not find your platonic soul mate on day one, but it’ll get you out of the house and doing something you enjoy.

Sunday

22

December 2019

0

COMMENTS

Self Care

Written by , Posted in Move to UK: Taking Care

As I’ve said numerous times on here, this time is going to be stressful. There’s just so much going on. So much change, so much newness. Plus, y’know, someone has a brand new job.

But here’s the thing. You’re also living in a new, mostly awesome, country. There are cool sights to see, places to visit, foods to try, drinks to sample. It can’t just be all business all the time.

When you start to feel the stress, try to take a moment to remember why you’re doing this. It’s totally understandable that you might end up frustrated to the point of tears (after, say, your sixth visit to a bank, hypothetically speaking, of course), but overall the good should vastly outweigh the bad.

When you’re in temporary housing, explore the neighborhood. It might not be where you end up living, so use it as a chance to see a part of town you might not normally visit. Check out a restaurant you might not normally have tried (if you don’t enjoy the food, you can always heat up a frozen pizza later). Go for long walks. Sit in cafes and eavesdrop on what other people are saying.

Also, dive into the culture. The UK isn’t just the US with better healthcare and minimal gun violence. It’s a different country that happens to speak the same language (sort of). There are people here from all over the world, and unless you’ve moved from NYC, chances are you’ve probably not heard this many different languages spoken, or had this many different food options.

Pick up a paper. Start to learn about the politics here, and the entertainment. Watch an episode of a TV show you’ve never heard of. It might be awful, but it might also give you some insight into your new home. If you have Netflix, I recommend watching both the Crown and the Great British Bake-Off. The former gave me some (dramatized, obviously) insight into the recent history of the UK; the latter was wonderful in learning about the culinary history.

Also, take time to stay in touch with your friends back in the US. Download WhatsApp — you can text and have phone calls over WiFi instead of through the phone system, so it’s much cheaper. You can even record little videos and send them over so your friends or family see them when you wake up. Set up chat groups with others so you all can just message whenever.

Go to a movie. I know you might feel like you have a million things to do and no time for it, but go. Or do whatever you used to do back in the states – find a club playing music you like, or a bookshop. Do things that feel normal.

It can be hard to transition from a place feeling like a vacation destination to it feeling like home. For us, it started to feel like home when we got into our flat, but it didn’t really come together until we got internet installed. That was the last little bit to make this feel less like an extended trip and more like our new reality.

It’s also important to know that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed, and to miss home. Often times decisions like this are the very definition of bittersweet. You’ve left behind friends, family, and possible a town you did really like. That’s hard, even if the new job, the new city, and the new friends are awesome. It’s okay to have mixed emotions, it’s okay to want to know what’s going on back in the states, and it’s okay to not be happy all of the time.

Sunday

22

December 2019

0

COMMENTS

Leaving the Country for a Bit

Written by , Posted in Move to UK: Settling In

There is a lot to see in the UK – you can go south to the cliffs of Dover, west to Wales, north to the Lake District, and even further north to Scotland. You can hop a ferry or plane over to Northern Ireland and explore Giants Causeway. It’s gorgeous here.

However, at some point you’ll decide you want to take a trip out of the country. When you do that, remember to take not just your passport but also your biometric residency permit — you’ll need both to get back in.

The other consideration you should take is securing health insurance. The NHS covers you in the UK, and you can also apply for a European Health Insurance Card, which allows you to access the public health care in European Economic Area nations.* I’d recommend applying for the card once you have your NHS number, and keep it with your passport and residency permit.

As it says right on that page, however, this is not the same as travel insurance; it won’t cover evacuating you back to the UK, for example. For that — and for travel anywhere outside the EEA — you’ll need to get travel insurance.

If you’ve been living the UK for at least six months this isn’t an issue. But if you plan to travel to the US within the first six months of living in the UK, your options will be limited. I found myself traveling back to Seattle just about three months after we moved to the UK, and had to do a bit of scrambling to find one that would work.

Bupa is the big private insurance provider here, but they’ll only allow you to purchase travel insurance if you’ve been living in the UK for six months. The Post Office is another option, but has a similar rule — in their case, you can’t have spent more than six months abroad in the year leading up to the purchase of the insurance. They also require that you be registered with a GP here.

Because neither of those options were available to me, I ended up doing a lot of Googling until I found options. Now, I cannot stress enough that I have no idea as to the QUALITY of these providers; I am not endorsing them at all, but instead wanted to share what I found in my research. If you need to travel for more than two weeks, one option is Diplomat American. Because my trip is shorter, this didn’t work for me, so I picked an option I found on Visitors Coverage.

If you think you’ll be doing a lot of traveling, you can purchase annual insurance that will probably work out to be cheaper than purchasing individual policies every time. Additionally, if you have private insurance through your or your partner’s employer, see if it includes travel insurance. If it does, then you’re all set.

Note: When the UK leaves the EU in 2020, the European Health Insurance scheme may no longer be an option, so you’ll need to get travel health insurance whenever you leave the UK.

Sunday

22

December 2019

0

COMMENTS

UK Taxes: Yup, You’re Paying These

Written by , Posted in Move to UK: Settling In

he UK tax year runs from April 6 – April 5. That sounded kind of odd to me, so I did a little research, and apparently it’s because of this:

On the old British Calendar the tax year began on March 25 (the old New Year’s Day). In order to ensure against losing revenue it was decided by the British Treasury that the tax year, which started on March 25 1752, would be of the usual length (365 days) and therefore it would end on April 4, the following tax year beginning on April 5.

Huh. Okay. If you’re just working a regular job that takes your taxes out, you don’t have to do anything special. Just make sure taxes have been taken out of your paychecks!

Sunday

22

December 2019

0

COMMENTS

US Taxes: Yes, You Still Have to Pay Them

Written by , Posted in Move to UK: Settling In

Before we moved, we met with our tax guy, who told us about the tax rules related to earning money overseas. He prepares US taxes for another client who lives and works abroad, so he’s well-versed in what that entails.

As I understand it, the US is one of like two nations that taxes the income you earn outside of the US. I know. I went to graduate school with a guy who had lived in the UK for a couple of decades and was trying to drop his US citizenship because he was never moving back, but it was really hard because the US likes collecting those taxes. (I’m sure there are other reasons they make it hard, but that’s got to be one of them).

Regardless, no matter how annoying it is, YOU MUST PAY YOUR US TAXES EVERY YEAR.

Good news though: the Foreign Earned Income Exclusion means that as long as you’re out of the country for at least 330 days a year, you’re only taxed on foreign income earned above a certain amount, and that amount is per adult. It’s something like $103,000, so if you’re making less than that each year, you’re fine. Anything above that will be taxed, and it’ll be your responsibility to keep track of that so you have the money available to pay come April next year.

We are lucky that we moved to the UK on January 10; as we didn’t spend more than and additional 25 days in the US the rest of that year, that income exclusion applied to us when we filed our taxes. If you move in the middle of the year, however, or end up spending more than 35 days in the US in any given year, that exclusion will not apply, and you’ll owe taxes on that income.

To recap:

  • If you’re going to be in the US for more than 35 days in a year, you should save some money each paycheck, as you’re going to owe taxes on that next year.
  • Make a note on your calendar in February to do your US taxes; the UK has a different tax year, so you won’t be seeing the same reminders that bombard us in the US every February and March.
  • If possible, find a CPA to talk to before moving to see if there are other things you should know specific to your own financial circumstances.