ASK Musings

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Author Archive

Monday

11

March 2024

0

COMMENTS

Keanu Reeves is not in Love with You by Becky Holmes

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4 Stars

Best for:
Anyone interested in the world of romance fraud, as well as anyone who likes a lot of humour in their non-fiction books. Oooh, also anyone who gets some satisfaction out of people who dick around with said fraudsters.

In a nutshell:
Author Holmes gets a lot of clearly fake requests on social media, and so decides to play along, wasting the time of fraudsters while also investigating what makes them tick – and how anyone can be victimized by them.

Worth quoting:
“It always annoys me when people just write off the victims of romance fraud as being stupid. I’ve interviewed between thirty and forty victims, and not a single one was stupid…”

“…what I also find interesting is the difference in language used when talking about male and female victims of scamming … the blame shifts and seems to land squarely on the woman, whether she is the scammed or the scammer.”

“We need to stop referring to people as ‘falling for’ a scam. We don’t say someone ‘fell for a burglary’ or ‘fell for an assault.’ Romance fraud is not something that people ‘fall for’; it is something that happens to them.”

Why I chose it:
I mean it’s a great title. I too was once messaged by Keanu Reeves on Instagram. Sadly, nothing came of it.

Review:
What an interesting and – despite the serious subject matter – funny book.

Author Holmes decides to join various social media platforms, and, like many women, is immediately bombarded with messages from men of … dubious origin. But instead of blocking and ignoring, she decides to engage with them, wasting their time (and hopefully tying up at least some of the time they could be using to scam others) in all manner of ridiculous texts and photo exchanges.

The book definitely includes discussion about people pretending to be celebrities as the title suggests, but thats just the focus of one chapter. It’s a much broader look at online romance fraud, and Holmes does a great job making the subject accessible and really digging deep into how it can happen, but sharing stories of people who have been scammed. She also explores some of the biggest groups of scammers – spending a lot of time on Yahoo Boys, which was a group I’d never heard of, and which I was concerned might be a bit sensationalized as they are located in Nigeria (and lots of people have some racist assumptions about Nigerians and scams), but they are indeed a real thing.

Much of the book includes excerpts of Holmes’s interactions with scammers, which are both hilarious to read and also deeply disturbing, as one can see how these scammers really try to ingratiate themselves into the lives of the people who they fleece. It’s distressing and it really sucks for those who are victimized by them.

One area Holmes really focuses on – and which I call out in the quote I share above – is how judgmental people are when it comes to romance fraud. Frankly I hate that for people – much like I hate pranks. I realize they come from very different places, but in the end the joke (or crime) is ‘ha ha, you believe in people, you idiot.’ Of course it is easy to see red flags in hindsight, or when one is in a totally calm, stable, non-traumatic point in their life. But people aren’t always in the perfect place – sometimes people are sad, or lonely, or have just come out of an abusive relationships. And it sucks that people are not only harmed by the people stealing their money and tricking them into thinking they are in love, but also by their friends, family, and society with their judgment.

She also spends time looking at how little support there is for the victims of this fraud. There is ‘Action Fraud,’ which is where the police refer people in the UK (where the author lives), but they sound both under-resourced and ineffective. Police don’t investigate, banks don’t really care, and family members judge. It stinks.

Overall, I think this is a good book for anyone (including those who thing they are ‘too smart’ to ‘fall for’ any such scams), both because it is well written but also because I learned quite a few things and it helped me remind myself about the need for empathy for people whose main ‘fault’ is trusting others.

What’s next for this book:
Keep, maybe pick up a copy for friends who might find this interesting.

Saturday

2

March 2024

0

COMMENTS

Outside by Ragnar Jónasson

Written by , Posted in Reviews

4 Stars

Best for:
Those looking for a claustrophobic mystery told from many perspectives.

In a nutshell:
College friends Helena, Gunnlauger, Ármann, and Daníel are getting together for a weekend of shooting birds and catching up. But it is winter in Iceland, so really anything can happen.

Worth quoting:
N/A (Jónasson is an excellent author but I don’t often find myself underlining phrases in his books.)

Why I chose it:
I’ve read nearly all of his other books and loved them. I had no idea this one existed!

Review:
I do enjoy a mystery told from multiple perspectives, and I especially enjoy it when none of the characters seem fully innocent.

That is the case with this book. There is Daníel, the struggling actor who has chosen to live in England instead of Iceland, and hasn’t been home in a couple of years. There is Helena, the only woman in the group, who is grieving the death of her partner five years ago. There is Ármann, who runs a successful tourism company. And there is Gunnlauger, who is really only there because he’s a childhood friend of Daníel, and he’s a bit of creep.

The weekend starts out fine, with the group drinking at their comfortable hunting lodge. But the following day, while the four of them are out on a bird hunt, an unexpected storm hits, causing them to try to seek shelter in a respite hut. They find the hut, and are faced with an utter shock.

From there, there are some choices made, and some secrets come to light. It had unexpected twists (as his novels often do) and literally made it challenging for me to put down. I started it before bed on Friday night, then picked it up after I did some chores on Saturday morning, reading straight through to the end (including while eating lunch). I love that feeling, of wanting to get through the page I’m reading so I can see what’s happening on the next one, and once again, Jónasson has done that for me.

What’s next for this book:
Donate – hopefully the next reader will enjoy it as much as I did.

Saturday

2

March 2024

0

COMMENTS

Mustn’t Grumble by Graham Lawton

Written by , Posted in Reviews

4 Stars

Best for:
Anyone who enjoys learning about little science facts and who enjoys a bit of humor with their writing.

In a nutshell:
Author Lawton examines the minor ailments that afflict all of us at one point or another, looking at their causes and treatments.

Worth quoting:
“Back in the day, before we caught up with our European neighbours and realised taht food was something to be enjoyed rather than endured, the only place in Britain where olive oil could be purchased was a pharmacy.” (this comes from the section on earwax)

Why I chose it:
I enjoy little pop science books.

Review:
The whole point of this book is that it explores MINOR ailments, so he doesn’t get into the big things like cancer or chronic illness unless as mentioned in passing (e.g. cancer briefly comes up when he’s talking about sunburn). The

This book took me much longer to get through than it should have, and that’s up to me and my attention space, not the writing. Lawton is a talented writer, able to make things like varicose veins and sneezing fits entertaining.

The book is divided into sections that look at pain; skin issues; ear, nose and throat issues; digestive concerns; illnesses; and what he calls self-inflicted wounds (this is where things like hangovers and razor burn are discussed).

I found the book to be genuinely interesting. I learned a few things, and just appreciated Lawton’s style of writing. I also appreciate the amount of research that went into this; overall he covers over 80 different types of ailments and injuries, which meant he had to know learn about over 80 different types of ailments and injuries.

I’d recommend this to anyone who finds such a topic interesting but who isn’t looking to dive super-deep into any one area.

CN: Suicide
An absolutely wild thing I thought I’d mention is that the front of the edition I purchased included a note about the author’s wife, who ended up with a very major illness called musculoskeletal nociplastic pain syndrome, which basically means her brain’s pain receptors got all fucked up, she was in horrible pain with no cause or treatment, and chose to end her own life. Like I said, wild, and I figured perhaps it would be worth mentioning as a warning to anyone who might pick up this book. The book was originally written before this happened, so his wife’s minor ailments are referenced a few times.

What’s next for this book:
I’ll keep it – might refer back to it on occasion when I’ve got a minor health issue that is bothering me.

Thursday

29

February 2024

0

COMMENTS

The Snakehead by Patrick Radden Keefe

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Three Stars

Best for:
People interested in the concepts of immigration and human trafficking.

In a nutshell:
Keef explores the life of Sister Ping, a woman who helped smuggle thousands of people to the US from China, and along the way looks at the history of immigration laws and the lengths people will go to when they want to build a different life.

Worth quoting:
N/A

Why I chose it:
I’ve read all of Keefe’s other books, and really enjoyed most of them.

Review:
I am someone who has managed to immigrate to a new country. I was born and raised in the US, but thanks to a skilled worker visa my partner was able to secure, I have managed to get the equivalent of a green card in the UK, bought a home and am waiting on a citizenship decision. My ability to do this required me to be married to someone with a ‘scarce’ skill set, and to have the funds to support such a move.

But so many people do not have that option but want it, and because of the absolutely mammoth hurdles people have to overcome to be able to immigrate to a new country, many seek alternative options. Enter the Snakehead, a.k.a. Sister Ping, a woman who took serious advantage of the desperation of those who wanted to leave China and move to the US.

The book starts with the horrors of a ship having washed ashore, with undocumented individuals thrashing about in the waves outside Queens, New York, emaciated and not able to speak English. It then drops back to explore the history of immigration laws in the US, interwoven with this story of a woman and those who worked for her, taking money from people in exchange for bringing them to the US.

I found the book itself a real challenge to get into for some reason, unlike Keefe’s books on the IRA and on the Sackler family. I think it is his first investigative book, so perhaps his craft has developed over time. But I also find the underlying topic so interesting, heartbreaking, and frankly infuriating. I find immigration laws overall to be a bit absurd in their complexity – I think it’s kind of silly to have borders as they are now. I of course understand the desire to self-govern and set ones own norms and rules within one’s own community (city/state/nation), but considering it’s basically just a roll of the dice in terms of where you are born, I don’t understand how anyone can rationalize making it so hard for people to move about.

What’s next for this book:
I’m still waiting for him to announce his next book, and I’ll definitely pick that one up whenever it comes out.

Tuesday

6

February 2024

0

COMMENTS

The Paris Apartment by Lucy Foley

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3 Stars

Best for:
I’m not totally sure if I’m honest. It’s similar to her other books, but also not.

In a nutshell:
Jess is visiting her half brother Ben in Paris, but when she arrives, he’s nowhere to be found, and his cat has some blood on it.

Worth quoting:
N/A

Why I chose it:
Thought I’d round out the Lucy Foley catalog.

Review:
Hmmm. I nearly gave up on this book because it wasn’t holding my attention, but there is a twist that comes about 1/3 of the way through that brought me back in.

Like her other books, this one is told from the point of view of a few different characters, nearly all of whom live in the same apartment building in Paris, plus Jess, who is visiting her brother Ben. There is Sophie, who lives in the penthouse with her husband Jack, and who is quite the snob. There is Mimi, who is very young and a bit shy, and lives with a flatmate. Then there is Nick, who knew Ben from their university days, and got Ben the apartment. Finally the concierge, an older woman who lives on the ground flour and takes care of the building.

Jess sort of flees London, and tells Ben she’s going to crash with him for a bit. His last message to her before she arrives is a voice note giving her instructions for how to find the flat. But when she arrives a few hours later, there is no trace of him, but his keys and wallet are still in the flat.

The book jumps back and forth in time, following different perspectives wit the goal of figuring out what the hell happened to Ben. I’ll admit that the resolution was somewhat surprising and fairly satisfying, but overall the book just wasn’t that interesting to me.

What’s next for this book:
I will probably eventually listen to Foley’s books if another one is released, as it’s decent to listen to while on a run.

Monday

22

January 2024

0

COMMENTS

Death of a Bookseller by Alice Slater

Written by , Posted in Reviews

Three Stars

Best for:
People who don’t need to like … any of the characters in the book?

In a nutshell:
Roach is a true-crime-loving bookseller. Laura is also a bookseller, new to the same shop. She writes poetry somewhat related to true crime.

Worth quoting:
N/A

Why I chose it:
Strong ratings online in this genre.

Review:
This book is entertaining, but I found the character development lacking. Not that the characters weren’t developed, it’s just the direction they went in. Let me explain.

This book is told from both Roach and Laura’s perspectives. We start off from Roach’s perspective, and she’s waiting in line for entry to a live taping of a true crime podcast. Two women hosting, so something modeled after My Favorite Murder or perhaps Wine and Crime. Roach is sort of a walking caricature. She uses this absurd phrase – ‘normies’ – to refer to people who are different from her. Do people really speak like that? Are they so insecure in their own originality that they have to label people who are different from them? Seems bizarre. (Especially after I looked up the etymology and apparently it used to be what disabled people used to refer to people without disabilities, which actually makes sense to me.) She is described a few times as not having washed hair, of smelling unclean, of putting on dirty clothes. I understand there probably are people out there like this, but it all feels a bit like an exercise in a creative writing class to create the most stereotypical ‘alternative’ person out there.

Then there is Laura. Laura is basically the polar opposite of Roach. She is a poet, a writer, wears matching tights and berets, carries a tote bag with a literary quote on it. I’m not sure if we were meant to prefer Laura to Roach, but also I found her to be written as deeply unappealing. We later learn about some trauma she has experienced in her life, and some current challenges she is facing, but she is so judgmental, so fake, and so sad.

Roach tries desperately to be friends with Laura after she learns that Laura writes ‘found poetry’ based on true crime books. But Laura hates true crime, while Roach loves it. Things move from there as Roach tries harder and harder to get Laura’s attention, and Laura tries harder to stay away.

I did appreciate the discussion of true crime and the current obsession with it. How, especially with more modern crimes, podcasters and their fans often seem to forget about the very real victims involved. Same with some true crime books. In the past I listened to a couple true crime podcasts, but not anymore, and I appreciated the discussion about it from Laura’s perspective, though I felt that Roach’s was intentionally absurd so as to make any defense of true crime writing and discussion seem negative by default.

As I said, I found the book to be an easy and engaging read, but it wasn’t one of my favorites.

Minor spoiler here for those who have read the book:
I was wondering, did anyone else find Laura’s reaction to the Roach poem a bit hypocritical? Just as Laura takes (uncredited) lines from true crime books and puts them together and claims them as her own found poetry, Roach took Laura’s poem and added to it to make it her own work. Obviously for very different reasons, but it felt a bit rich for Laura to claim her work is fair use but Roach’s was plagiarism.

What’s next for this book:
Nothing for me – I think I’m good.

Friday

19

January 2024

0

COMMENTS

The Guest List by Lucy Foley

Written by , Posted in Reviews

Three Stars

Best for:
Fans of her previous book; fans of Liane Moriarty’s work.

In a nutshell:
Jules and Will are getting married on an island off the coast of Ireland. Someone will be dead by the end of the weekend.

Worth quoting:
N/A

Why I chose it:
I just finished one of the author’s other books and am always looking for good audio books to listen to while running.

Review:
I love a twist that I didn’t quite guess but also makes sense.

This is another book told from multiple perspectives – there’s the event planner and owner of the location Aoife, bride Jules, groom Will, best man Johnno, bridesmaid Olivia, and ‘plus one’ (wife of the bride’s best friend) Hannah. Everyone has something going on. Will is a minor reality TV star; John-O has started his own whiskey company. Olivia (half-sister of the bride) has dropped out of university under somewhat mysterious circumstances. Hannah is a bit uncomfortable with her husband Charlie’s close relationship with the bride.

The events unfold over just a couple of days – the day before and the day of the wedding. A narrator provides interstitials letting the reader know details about a body found the night of the wedding. But who is it? And who killed them?

Without giving anything away, I would say that the book unravels in a considered and thoughtful manner, and nothing is too far-fetched. We feel for some of the characters, but also some are quite unlikable. I listened to the audio book, and the voicing of the men was particularly good – I had a visceral reaction to the chapters focused on the public school (in the British sense) boys getting back together after their glory days as teens.

One sort of recurring theme is how these entitled men treat people they deem week or unworthy – smaller kids they went to school with, women they dated. These men are gross but are also serving in positions of fame and power. Blech. I think this sort of meta social commentary led me to enjoy this one more than The Hunting Party, her previous similar book.

What’s next for this book:
I think this author has another similar book so I’ll probably check that one out to.

Sunday

7

January 2024

0

COMMENTS

The Hunting Party by Lucy Foley

Written by , Posted in Reviews

Four Stars

Best for:
Fans of the Liane Moriarty style of storytelling, who aren’t worried about slightly darker tales.

In a nutshell:
A bunch of friends of university – along with their partners – spend New Year’s Eve at an isolated lodge in northern Scotland. A storm hits. Someone is dead.

Worth quoting:
N/A

Why I chose it:
I was looking for something to listen to while running. Instead I ended up listening to it while doing pretty much anything because I couldn’t put it down.

Review:
This book has features I love: it travels back and forth in time (though only across three days); it takes place in an isolated location; it is told from multiple viewpoints.

We get five viewpoints in this book: Heather and Doug, who work at the lodge, and Katie, Emma, and Madeline, who are part of the friend group celebrating the holiday at the lodge. Katie and Madeline have been friends since childhood; Emma has joined the group of Oxford alumni as an outsider who is dating Mark. We learn early on that someone has died, but we don’t know who it is (not even their gender) or if it was an accident or murder.

There are hints as to who the dead person is, and any number of possible motives slowly reveal themselves. I had a bit six different theories by the end, and any one of them could have been true based on how the story unfolded.

Within the standard telling of a murder mystery, the author weaves in how relationships from youth change as we get older. There’s one couple with a new baby; two couples with a member who wasn’t part of the original friend group. There are shared stories and histories, and roles people are expected to play because they played that role when they were 21. 12 years later, people might have changed, and that can really play with the dynamics of a group.

This probably was around 3.5 stars for me, but I have rounded it up because I think there was some interesting character exploration and also some legitimate red herrings that kept me guessing until the end.

What’s next for this book:
I’ll be checking out the other books by this author for sure. (I’ve literally already bought the next one.)

Saturday

6

January 2024

0

COMMENTS

Disobedient Bodies by Emma Dabiri

Written by , Posted in Reviews

Four Stars

Best for:
All those impacted by Western beauty standards.

In a nutshell:
The way the West defines beauty (‘entangled in the forces of patriarchy and capitalism’) isn’t something to aspire to, and it is holding women back.

Worth quoting:
“How might we possibly reconcile the reality of the joys and pleasures we can find in our bodies, and in rituals of beautification…with the age-old and sometimes fraught feminist discourses, and the justified pushback against an overemphasis on our looks as not only a drag on our time, but a form of control?”

“Adornment brings with it rich associations of taking pleasure in our bodies as well as conveying a sense of ritual.”

“How did we end up with a phobic relationship to the passage of time itself?”

Why I chose it:
The topic stood out, but also the fact that this wasn’t a tome filled with centuries of history, meandering its way to a point. Sometimes I like that! But sometimes I don’t. This appeared to be focused and well-edited.

Review:
This review feels a bit all over the place, but that’s more about me than the writing in the book – I think the author succeeds with her project here; I’m just having some trouble synthesizing my thoughts into words.

This is a book in three parts – ‘How Did We Get Here?;’ The Birth of My Disobedience;’ and ‘New Ways to ‘Do’ Beauty.’ The sections are fairly self-explanatory; the first deals with societal expectations around women and beauty; the second features the authors own experiences in coming to realizations about what the Western / European expectations around beauty mean and the consequences of them. She is a woman with Black and Irish heritage, and so can speak to the racialization of beauty in a way that authors from a solely white background cannot, and that is something I valued in her writing.

The final bit is the part that I feel is missing from similar books: a discussion about the ways in which taking care and experiencing our own definitions of ‘doing’ beauty can line up with a positive experience of being a woman. She references braiding; I thought about going to nail salons with friends and how much fun that was (I still keep my nails painted pretty much all the time – I love the way it looks). She also talks about beauty as a verb – something you do, not something you are – and as not just a physical manifestation. I also appreciate that she pushes back on the idea that all we really need is more diversity and ‘representation’ of different types of bodies – she wants to fully interrogate how to upend this thinking. I admit I struggled a bit with this section, but I think I understand what she means – sort of like instead of pushing for more women CEOs, we should be upending the idea of capitalism itself as a goal. I think? I will need to re-read this section.

I’m about to enter my mid-forties, and about two years ago I stopped dying my hair. It’s nearly grown out now, and I don’t have tons of gray, but it’s definitely there. My fear of looking older kept me dying my hair, but now I think the streaks look kind of cool. But also … I don’t care if other people keep dying their hair, as long as it’s what they want and enjoy? I also have tattoos – I find them beautiful, but others definitely judge them as some sort of defacement of a body that they are entitled to take pleasure in viewing. I genuinely could not care less if people find my tattoos ugly; its the rest of me that I am working on feelings the same way about. I love a view of women’s bodies as not things for others to take joy in, but for us to take joy in, and that doesn’t mean we need to discard all beauty rituals we engage in. Dabiri is asking us to be thoughtful in what we choose.

What’s next for this book:
I’ll be keeping this one, and possibly picking up copies for friends.

Monday

1

January 2024

0

COMMENTS

A Portrait of the Piss Artist as a Young Man by Tadhg Hickey

Written by , Posted in Reviews

Three Stars

Best for:
Those looking for inspiration from sober alcoholics / people with substance use issues.

In a nutshell:
Comedian Hickey shares what his life was like growing up in Cork, Ireland, with a mother who was mentally unwell.

Worth quoting:
N/A

Why I chose it:
I follow Hickey on TikTok and didn’t realise he has a book. The book is … different from what I expected.

Review:
I was hoping to squeeze this in as my last review for 2023 but alas, I just missed out.

This book feels like an honest portrayal of what Hickey went through as a child with a mother who has ill mental health, and how he eventually found he was drinking and misusing substances to the point that it was impacting his ability to be there for his daughter. He talks about what he needed to get sober the first time, about relapsing, and about what he needs to stay sober. He also shares some insight into his career and his family life now that he is living a sober life. I’m not someone who has faced struggles with alcohol or substance use, but I found his portrayal to be interested, told with humor (obviously – he is a comedian) but also with insight and reflection.

Near the very end he spends some time talking about his activism, which is how I came across him – his TikTok sketches highlighting the current situation in Gaza. Those who have been following what is going on in Palestine may have noticed that Irish politicians have been very vocal in their support of Palestine, as have many Irish artists. Hickey is no different in that respect, and is using the platform he has to speak up. Obviously the take of someone who isn’t currently living there is not the priority at the moment, but I do appreciate that he is willing to be vocal about his opinions.

What’s next for this book:
Archive it (audio book)