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Uncategorized Archive

Monday

11

March 2024

0

COMMENTS

Keanu Reeves is not in Love with You by Becky Holmes

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4 Stars

Best for:
Anyone interested in the world of romance fraud, as well as anyone who likes a lot of humour in their non-fiction books. Oooh, also anyone who gets some satisfaction out of people who dick around with said fraudsters.

In a nutshell:
Author Holmes gets a lot of clearly fake requests on social media, and so decides to play along, wasting the time of fraudsters while also investigating what makes them tick – and how anyone can be victimized by them.

Worth quoting:
“It always annoys me when people just write off the victims of romance fraud as being stupid. I’ve interviewed between thirty and forty victims, and not a single one was stupid…”

“…what I also find interesting is the difference in language used when talking about male and female victims of scamming … the blame shifts and seems to land squarely on the woman, whether she is the scammed or the scammer.”

“We need to stop referring to people as ‘falling for’ a scam. We don’t say someone ‘fell for a burglary’ or ‘fell for an assault.’ Romance fraud is not something that people ‘fall for’; it is something that happens to them.”

Why I chose it:
I mean it’s a great title. I too was once messaged by Keanu Reeves on Instagram. Sadly, nothing came of it.

Review:
What an interesting and – despite the serious subject matter – funny book.

Author Holmes decides to join various social media platforms, and, like many women, is immediately bombarded with messages from men of … dubious origin. But instead of blocking and ignoring, she decides to engage with them, wasting their time (and hopefully tying up at least some of the time they could be using to scam others) in all manner of ridiculous texts and photo exchanges.

The book definitely includes discussion about people pretending to be celebrities as the title suggests, but thats just the focus of one chapter. It’s a much broader look at online romance fraud, and Holmes does a great job making the subject accessible and really digging deep into how it can happen, but sharing stories of people who have been scammed. She also explores some of the biggest groups of scammers – spending a lot of time on Yahoo Boys, which was a group I’d never heard of, and which I was concerned might be a bit sensationalized as they are located in Nigeria (and lots of people have some racist assumptions about Nigerians and scams), but they are indeed a real thing.

Much of the book includes excerpts of Holmes’s interactions with scammers, which are both hilarious to read and also deeply disturbing, as one can see how these scammers really try to ingratiate themselves into the lives of the people who they fleece. It’s distressing and it really sucks for those who are victimized by them.

One area Holmes really focuses on – and which I call out in the quote I share above – is how judgmental people are when it comes to romance fraud. Frankly I hate that for people – much like I hate pranks. I realize they come from very different places, but in the end the joke (or crime) is ‘ha ha, you believe in people, you idiot.’ Of course it is easy to see red flags in hindsight, or when one is in a totally calm, stable, non-traumatic point in their life. But people aren’t always in the perfect place – sometimes people are sad, or lonely, or have just come out of an abusive relationships. And it sucks that people are not only harmed by the people stealing their money and tricking them into thinking they are in love, but also by their friends, family, and society with their judgment.

She also spends time looking at how little support there is for the victims of this fraud. There is ‘Action Fraud,’ which is where the police refer people in the UK (where the author lives), but they sound both under-resourced and ineffective. Police don’t investigate, banks don’t really care, and family members judge. It stinks.

Overall, I think this is a good book for anyone (including those who thing they are ‘too smart’ to ‘fall for’ any such scams), both because it is well written but also because I learned quite a few things and it helped me remind myself about the need for empathy for people whose main ‘fault’ is trusting others.

What’s next for this book:
Keep, maybe pick up a copy for friends who might find this interesting.

Thursday

29

February 2024

0

COMMENTS

The Snakehead by Patrick Radden Keefe

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Three Stars

Best for:
People interested in the concepts of immigration and human trafficking.

In a nutshell:
Keef explores the life of Sister Ping, a woman who helped smuggle thousands of people to the US from China, and along the way looks at the history of immigration laws and the lengths people will go to when they want to build a different life.

Worth quoting:
N/A

Why I chose it:
I’ve read all of Keefe’s other books, and really enjoyed most of them.

Review:
I am someone who has managed to immigrate to a new country. I was born and raised in the US, but thanks to a skilled worker visa my partner was able to secure, I have managed to get the equivalent of a green card in the UK, bought a home and am waiting on a citizenship decision. My ability to do this required me to be married to someone with a ‘scarce’ skill set, and to have the funds to support such a move.

But so many people do not have that option but want it, and because of the absolutely mammoth hurdles people have to overcome to be able to immigrate to a new country, many seek alternative options. Enter the Snakehead, a.k.a. Sister Ping, a woman who took serious advantage of the desperation of those who wanted to leave China and move to the US.

The book starts with the horrors of a ship having washed ashore, with undocumented individuals thrashing about in the waves outside Queens, New York, emaciated and not able to speak English. It then drops back to explore the history of immigration laws in the US, interwoven with this story of a woman and those who worked for her, taking money from people in exchange for bringing them to the US.

I found the book itself a real challenge to get into for some reason, unlike Keefe’s books on the IRA and on the Sackler family. I think it is his first investigative book, so perhaps his craft has developed over time. But I also find the underlying topic so interesting, heartbreaking, and frankly infuriating. I find immigration laws overall to be a bit absurd in their complexity – I think it’s kind of silly to have borders as they are now. I of course understand the desire to self-govern and set ones own norms and rules within one’s own community (city/state/nation), but considering it’s basically just a roll of the dice in terms of where you are born, I don’t understand how anyone can rationalize making it so hard for people to move about.

What’s next for this book:
I’m still waiting for him to announce his next book, and I’ll definitely pick that one up whenever it comes out.

Tuesday

6

February 2024

0

COMMENTS

The Paris Apartment by Lucy Foley

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3 Stars

Best for:
I’m not totally sure if I’m honest. It’s similar to her other books, but also not.

In a nutshell:
Jess is visiting her half brother Ben in Paris, but when she arrives, he’s nowhere to be found, and his cat has some blood on it.

Worth quoting:
N/A

Why I chose it:
Thought I’d round out the Lucy Foley catalog.

Review:
Hmmm. I nearly gave up on this book because it wasn’t holding my attention, but there is a twist that comes about 1/3 of the way through that brought me back in.

Like her other books, this one is told from the point of view of a few different characters, nearly all of whom live in the same apartment building in Paris, plus Jess, who is visiting her brother Ben. There is Sophie, who lives in the penthouse with her husband Jack, and who is quite the snob. There is Mimi, who is very young and a bit shy, and lives with a flatmate. Then there is Nick, who knew Ben from their university days, and got Ben the apartment. Finally the concierge, an older woman who lives on the ground flour and takes care of the building.

Jess sort of flees London, and tells Ben she’s going to crash with him for a bit. His last message to her before she arrives is a voice note giving her instructions for how to find the flat. But when she arrives a few hours later, there is no trace of him, but his keys and wallet are still in the flat.

The book jumps back and forth in time, following different perspectives wit the goal of figuring out what the hell happened to Ben. I’ll admit that the resolution was somewhat surprising and fairly satisfying, but overall the book just wasn’t that interesting to me.

What’s next for this book:
I will probably eventually listen to Foley’s books if another one is released, as it’s decent to listen to while on a run.

Tuesday

26

December 2023

0

COMMENTS

Murder on the Christmas Express by Alexandra Bendict

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Three Stars

Best for:
Those who enjoy a murder mystery in a locked location (in this case, a derailed train).

In a nutshell:
Roz, retired Met police officer, is heading north on the sleeper train to be with her daughter, who is giving birth up in Scotland. Instead, she finds herself on a derailed train, with a possibly murdered influencer.

Worth quoting:
N/A

Why I chose it:
My partner and I don’t exchange gifts at Christmas, except for one book, that we open on Christmas eve. This was his gift to me this year.

What it left me feeling:
Entertained but also sad.

Review:
CN (and the author includes this at the start of the book): sexual assault and rape do factor into at least one storyline within this book. The author is a survivor herself, and takes care with the subject, but obviously its good to know that in case that is a deal breaker for readers.

After delays due to a snowstorm, the train gets going with a much smaller number of people on board. They include a team hoping to make it to a university quiz program; a family with four children; an older man, his elderly mother, and their cat; an attorney, a woman traveling alone, our main character, and an influencer / reality star couple. Roz, the main character, is desperate to get up to her daughter, who has gone into early labor. After a raucous evening in the bar car, the train derails, and someone is discovered dead.

Overall this was a book that was basically right up my alley. It takes place on what in real life is the Caledonia Sleeper train, which runs from London up to various points in Scotland. I’ve taken it twice myself, including a few months ago when we moved to Scotland and needed a safe way to move our cats too. The main character is Scottish, and the coziness (though eventual claustrophobia) of a train traveling through the mountains during a snowstorm is something I hope to experience – though without the derailment. And murder. But it also explores the very real and devastating impact of sexual assault. I know, not exactly a Christmas story, but I think the book does a decent job of it.

The main drawback for me is some of the author’s writing. She has interesting, well-developed characters, and when she’s focusing on telling the story, it is riveting, but also told with care given the subject manner. But she really wedges in some fairly overwritten metaphors that really pulled me out of the story. There aren’t a lot, but enough that it was noticeable.

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
Donate it

Wednesday

17

May 2023

0

COMMENTS

The Night She Disappeared by Lisa Jewell

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Four Stars

Best for:
People who enjoy thrillers. Not for people who are triggered by discussions of abusive partners.

In a nutshell:
Tallulah is 19 and lives with her mother, 1 year-old-son, and her boyfriend Zach. One night, Tallulah and Zach go missing, and the people they were with ostensibly didn’t know them very well. Tallulah’s mother Kim tries to figure what has happened, and is helped when new clues appear a year later.

Worth quoting:
N/A – Audio book

Why I chose it:
I enjoyed her other books I read this year.

What it left me feeling:
Satisfied and surprised.

Review:
CN: Intimate partner abuse

This was a great book, helped along by the voice acting in the version I listened to – narrated by Joanne Froggatt. Considering there were at least a half dozen women’s voices she had to do, she managed to make them so distinct that I could easily follow what was going on.

The plot itself is once again a back and forth in time. We keep moving from the disappearance (June 2017), forward to the investigation as it is reopened in August / September 2018, then back to the 2016/2017 academic year to help us understand more of the situation. But the basics are: Tallulah is a young mother who, in 2017, had only reunited with her son’s father about nine months prior. She is someone who keeps to herself, focusing on school and her child.

Scarlett is someone who Tallulah perhaps knew? Perhaps not? The story unfolds but Scarlett is the home that Tallulah and Zach are last seen at before they disappear. Zach is also seen as a doting father and boyfriend, but its possible that isn’t the case.

Kim is Tallulah’s mother, who is now caring for her son and desperate to figure out what has happened. And Sophie is the partner of the new headmaster of the school Tallulah and Scarlett attend, and also happens to be the author of many detective novels.

As with the other books I’ve read by this author, I could possibly see some of the twists coming, but nothing was so foreshadowed that it was obvious. And once again, the epilogue brought resolution to a side storyline that I didn’t know I needed resolution to, and was a disturbing little addition that I appreciated.

As an aside – Jewell is really good at writing creepy men. Sometimes they are outright violent, sometimes it’s more emotional, but I could see this book being triggering for anyone who has been manipulated and abused by a partner.

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
Recommend to a friend

Thursday

13

April 2023

0

COMMENTS

Love, Pamela by Pamela Anderson

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Two Stars

Best for:
I’m not entirely sure. I hope her fans would enjoy it.

In a nutshell:
Pamela Anderson provides the Cliff’s Notes version of her biography.

Worth quoting:
N/A

Why I chose it:
When the limited series about the sex tape of Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee was released this year, Anderson was vocal in that she had not given her consent for her story to be told that way, so I chose not to watch the show. I thought I’d pick up her memoir to hear what she has to say about her own life in her own words, sort of as a way to counteract that.

What it left me feeling:
A bit sad

Review:
I appreciate that Anderson has been given a chance to speak for herself. She has made some decisions about how she presents herself publicly that some people don’t agree with (posing for Playboy, starring in a TV show where she mostly just wore a bathing suit), with those same people forming opinions about her that likely don’t align with reality. Some people probably know her for her association with PETA as well, which might also impact their views of her.

What these folks probably don’t expect, based on stereotypes, is that Anderson is very well-read, and very interested in literature, the arts, and all manner of activism.

I didn’t have much of an opinion on Anderson before reading this book; after reading it, I probably am less inclined to seek out her work. She’s clearly been through a lot in her life, and has managed to really take control of her future and build her own story, and I think that’s wonderful. I also don’t think we would enjoy spending time with each other.

Which is fine! That’s not the point of a memoir – it’s not about liking or disliking the author; it’s about the author sharing their version of their story, in the hopes that people who only know one part of them might know more. With that comes the risk, of course, that the knowledge will lead some people to become less of a fan, or less interested in the person in general, and that’s happened here. Prior to reading this, I would say I was truly ambivalent about Anderson until I saw that the TV series was made without her consent. Now … eh?

Many things led me to this conclusion – here are just a couple. She sounds very judgmental of women who choose medicated over unmedicated births (I also just generally cringe when people refer to one type of way of giving birth as natural, as though birth could be artificial). And this is yet another celebrity promoting crypto and blockchain. I feel like a lot of memoirs released in the last couple of years are not going to age well in this area… But also – this is a very short memoir. I appreciate she can share what she chooses, but it definitely felt a bit disjointed and a bit like the abridged version in a way that I haven’t experienced with most other memoirs.

When thinking of how to best sum up what I walked away with from this book, I come to this conclusion: like all people, Anderson is complex. She and I have next to nothing in common. I think people should leave her alone and not watch the tape that was stolen and published without her consent. And I likely will not really think about her again unless a story about her pops up in my news feed.

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
Donate it

Saturday

1

April 2023

0

COMMENTS

The Heart of the Buddha’s Teachings by Thich Nhat Hanh

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Four Stars

Best for:
Those interested in learning more about Buddhism.

In a nutshell:
Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh shares an overview of some of the basic tenets of Buddhism.

Worth quoting:
I underlined and starred so, so much.

Why I chose it:
I’ve read some very basic writings on Buddhism many years ago; I’m not more interested in learning more to see if it is a spiritual path I’d like to learn more about.

What it left me feeling:
Calm.

Review:
I tend to think of Buddhists as people who take things in stride, so it was kind of funny to me that the program I use to write my book reviews kept throwing up error messages when I was trying to write this review. Lessons are available everywhere!

The first half of the book focuses on two major Buddhism teachings – The Four Noble Truths and The Nobel Eightfold Path. The second half looks at a variety of other Buddhist teachings in slightly less detail.

I appreciate Thich Nhat Hanh’s writing style. He takes concepts that are a bit challenging and provides analogies and examples that makes things a bit easier to digest. At the same time, I am definitely still a bit confused about … a lot. It’s clear I need to visit an actual Buddhism center and speak with others and learn from others outside of a book, but I think this book was a good place to start.

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
Keep

Sunday

5

March 2023

0

COMMENTS

How to Kill Men and Get Away With It by Katy Brent

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Four Stars

Best for:
Anyone with a strong stomach and a desire to read a deeply disturbing but also kind of funny revenge fantasy. I had a fairly long travel day yesterday, involving two short flights but a lot of airport time. I started the book at 11:30. I finished it at about 5pm.

In a nutshell:
Content notes for the book and the review: sexual assault, pedophilia, murder, animal cruelty, probably a lot of other things

Influencer Kitty accidentally killed someone who was about to sexually assault her. And got away with it. Will this become a pattern?

Worth quoting:
“ ‘Ladies,’ he says, holding his glass up like he’s Leonardo DiCaprio in The Great Gatsby. If you think extremely average white men have a confidence they don’t deserve, imagine one with money who has been gushed over since he was about twelve.”

Why I chose it:
My partner spotted it in a bookshop and though it would be right up my alley.

What it left me feeling:
Stunned

Review:
I mean … this book is absurd. Obviously. Pretty much all the characters, including the main one, are pretty unlikable. Pretty, rich, vapid. Etc. And the book is violent as fuck (so probably not the healthiest media to consume). And there’s some sex scenes that were a bit racier than I was expecting (As someone who reads mostly non-fiction, or if its fiction, it’s often crime-based, I’m also forgetting that people like to read sex scenes. I just don’t expect them.) And the literal logistics of some things (like her ability to dismember a large man’s body) are doubtful.

But.

BUT.

In real life, I’m opposed to the death penalty. I think the prison industrial complex and the criminal punishments systems are deeply fucked.

In real life, I’ve also been cat called, and known numerous women who have been sexually assaulted by men who faced no repercussions. So a book that’s all about a woman who has had enough and just takes matters into her own hands? I found it pretty satisfying. The plot of the book also has some twists and some slightly unexpected moments, so it isn’t totally predictable.

The author in a note at the end acknowledges that there have been many recent looks at women as revenge / serial killers. I think this book succeeds where the film Promising Young Woman tried and failed.

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
Donate it

Thursday

23

February 2023

0

COMMENTS

Miracles of Our Own Making by Liz Williams

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Three Stars

Best for:
Pagans interested in some of the history of the beliefs and practice.

In a nutshell:
Author Williams provides a multi-century overview of the beliefs, practices, groups, and secret societies that are associated with paganism in the UK.

Worth quoting:
“It is always worth your while to ask two questions: ‘how do we know?’ and ‘who said this first?’”

Why I chose it:
I find spiritual practices and belief systems outside the big three Abrahamic faiths to be quite interesting.

What it left me feeling:
Searching

Review:
I was raised vaguely Christian (like, my mom went to a church on Christmas and Easter until I was maybe six). I had a VERY Christian phase in 8th and 9th grade, but by college and after I was leaning more agnostic, with a brief exploration of paganism in the form of Wicca.

As I get older, I think that I’m getting a bit less rigid in some of my beliefs (though more rigid in others lol). Like, I don’t think I’ve ever seriously defined myself as atheist, because I can’t know. And it’s sort of arrogant to assume I do, or even can. But I find nature, and the power of nature, to be calming and inspiring, and so when I think about spirituality and religion, I think of that, and I’m more open to the ideas around it.

Which brings me to why I picked up this book. I was in a fairly tiny bookshop and this jumped out at me. I don’t know much of the history of different forms of paganism, and thought this would be an interesting bit of reading. And the first half was, but the second half, I don’t know, I found it hard to follow. It feels like it it would have worked better as an encyclopedia – each chapter, in the back half, has a lot of sub-headings of different groups or belief systems, and while Williams makes a solid effort to connect all of these things, it doesn’t totally work for me.

One thing Williams’s research makes clear is that there isn’t really a straight line or unbroken connection between ancient pagan belief systems and current paganism, despite what some claim. Modern practices draw from a lot, but Williams argues that they pull from what spoke to them. They aren’t partaking in something that’s been unchanged for centuries. I suppose that matters to some people, but I don’t know. I think one can learn a lot from a variety of beliefs and practices, and can put together something that feels right to oneself.

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
Keep for reference

Tuesday

21

February 2023

0

COMMENTS

Queer Icons and Their Cats by Alison Nastasi and PJ Nastasi

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Three Stars

Best for:
People looking for a niche book that will each them a little bit a bout a bunch of queer folks, and also has pictures of cats.

In a nutshell:
The title pretty much sums it up.

Worth quoting:
N/A

Why I chose it:
My partner read it, and it looked pretty adorable. Also, cats!

What it left me feeling:
Vaguely disappointed

Review:
This is a tiny little coffee table-style book. It’s only about 100 pages and maybe 45 people are featured. There’s a photo of the person with a cat, and then a brief biography about the person. It’s pretty straightforward, however …

It’s not actually about people and THEIR cats. I’d say a good half of these folks just happened to be photographed with a cat once, or maybe adopted a cat at some point. Only a few of the feature people are like Freddy Mercury, who were definitely very much into their cats. That’s fine – the point is really to learn about the individuals, not their cats, but the book title seems to be a bit misleading.

That aside, I did enjoy learning about lots of queer folks who I was not familiar with, ranging across the past hundred years or so. Some people (like Mercury) are ones most people know about, but there were also older authors and overall queer pioneers that I’d never heard of. So that was cool.

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
Keep – because again, cats!