ASK Musings

No matter where you go, there you are.

Monthly Archive: September 2009

Tuesday

15

September 2009

1

COMMENTS

Stress and Relationships

Written by , Posted in Random

For the past few weeks I’ve gotten to spend a lot of time with people in relationships, most of whom have been together for a very long time.

Most are amazing models for the type of relationship I hope to have some day. When I was in Seattle it was basically a non-stop stream of adorable, well-adjusted couples. My close friends who are new parents do an amazing job of working together. Other couples have their own challenges, but they all have this way about them that makes it just a joy to be in the presence of their happiness together.

But one couple I’ve been around recently in California kind of makes me sad. They just don’t seem to enjoy each others’ company most of the time. She treats him more like a child than a partner, and he often proves her right. When their moods are in sync, they seem to have fun, and even laugh and joke around. But that really isn’t the common interaction. She asks a question; he doesn’t hear her. She gets pissed and yells, he glares at her. He makes a joke, she takes it personally and yells at him. She plays the martyr; he sits around and watches TV.

I have spent the past few weeks removing myself from these interactions when they get uncomfortable, or at least trying to keep my mouth shut when one or both of them are being hurtful and irrational. And I’ve been reminded by the wife to keep out. And yet at the same time, she’ll turn to me when she’s frustrated and ask me to essentially agree with her view of how the relationship is going. Since I’m around both of them equally, I don’t think that’s really fair.

These are two really great people. They’ve always been good to me, and I care for them a great deal. But it’s amazing how much I learn from them in terms of what I do not want in a relationship. They may actually be quite happy, and just the incorporation of a third party makes their interactions seem off. But I can’t imagine a life with someone where every other sentence is said in frustration, and where most interactions seem to be filled with stress instead of love.

I know relationships can be difficult at times. But it seems like there’s a point where, if each day seems to be more stressful than happy, then maybe it’s time to have a talk with a neutral third party to see if anything can be done. 

I suppose being around this type of relationshiop could make me shy away from relationships altogether, but I’m choosing instead to just make a note of what I’m seeing so that, if I catch myself acting in those ways, I can step back and try to figure out why. Plus, I see so many positive relationship among friends in my life that maybe it says more about them that this particular one stands out.

Friday

11

September 2009

0

COMMENTS

Eight Years

Written by , Posted in Politics

Eight years ago today I was living in Southern California. I was actually awake when the events of the day started, as I had a bit of a commute. I had started a new job on September 10, and was moving into my new apartment (with my roommate) on September 11. I had pretty much all of my non-furniture belongings in my car, and was staying with my roommate’s family that night. After an early shower I went downstairs, where my roommate’s mother was up. She said both of these statements in the same breath:

 

“A plane flew into the World Trade Center in New York. Would you like a freshly baked blueberry muffin?”

 

I asked to turn on the TV, and saw the aftermath of the second plane hitting. I had to be at work by 8 and had a long drive ahead of me, so I jumped in my car. I listened to the radio during the entire drive, and remember a few things very distinctly:

 

Something must have been shown on TV that was very graphic, because Tom Brokaw’s voice got very stern and he said something along the lines of “That is not to happen again.”

 

I had called my mother to tell her but she went back to bed, since initially it seemed like a small plane had hit. Once she and my sister realized what was going on, they called me again and said I should just drive home. I declined.

 

The FAA called the planes in pretty quickly, and I was driving by LAX as plane after plane landed. It was surreal for sure – everyone was driving very slowly, not because of traffic, but because of how eerie it was to see plane after plane after plane swoop in low.

 

I arrived at work for my second day, and actually . . . worked. We didn’t have much of a TV or radio, and the internet was frozen for most of the time, so I got my updates from phone calls with friends. I still feel like I missed out on a lot by not seeing anything after about 6AM pacific time.

 

I moved into my apartment, which was right across the alley from a new coworker, so she and her boyfriend had me over for dinner, which was really nice.

 

That night, I was alone in the place, as my roommate wasn’t moving in quite yet. I remember laying on the deflating air mattress, watching the President talk, and crying. It sucked.

 

At work we did have access to a tiny TV that barely got one channel, and I very vividly remember seeing this:

 

 

A year later, for the first anniversary, I was living in NYC. I had moved to New York for graduate school just two weeks prior and had secured an internship with the Mayor’s Office. I volunteered to work at the Ground Zero memorial. My new roommate and another friend took the subway down there with me at five in the morning, which was quite nice. I was assigned to assist the “special needs family” section, which was where family members of the victims were who needed extra assistance due to being in a wheelchair or for other reasons.

 

After a few hours of that I was asked to help escort families into the pit. Holy crap. I have no training in dealing with emotionally distraught people, and that was very, very difficult. On the one hand I felt completely out of place, as I wasn’t in NYC in 2001, but on the other hand it immediately gave me a connection to the City that will last forever.

 

It was a very windy day, and I recall a bit of fear as we could hear glass shattering at the 130 Liberty street site.

 

I worked from about 5:30 until 2 that day. It was exhausting but worth it to get to help out my new home town.

 

Three years later I took a job working with many people who were involved in the recovery that day and for the years following. It’s pretty remarkable to look at what people are capable of doing to help each other out.

Thursday

10

September 2009

0

COMMENTS

Hubble!

Written by , Posted in Random

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Oh man alive. These are some crazy pictures. They look like art, not like something one would actually find in the universe.

Wednesday

9

September 2009

0

COMMENTS

Monday

7

September 2009

0

COMMENTS

Same as it Ever Was

Written by , Posted in Adventures

I am in on another whirlwind tour of the Seattle metro area. So far I’ve hit Phinney Ridge, Lake City, Bothell, Bellevue and West Seattle. The weather seems to be keeping up – it’s been very windy and crazy unexpectedly torrential rain stuck with us for much of the morning. Tomorrow I’m going to my first Bumbershoot, with a mind towards seeing Mirah perform. I’ve gone out for some very tasty food, seen a post-storm sunset on Alki and even done my little part to help the Washington state economy.

I’m valuing the time with my friends even more than normal since it will be a bit harder to stay in touch for the next year. Of course there’s e-mail (although I still really wish for more snail mail), but the nine hour time difference will make phone calls tougher, I won’t be coming out here nearly as much as usual (I’ve visited five times in the past 12 months, for showers, weddings and vacations), and I know a visit to London is a bit much to ask from most people, especially these days.

I hope I’ve really let them know how much I’m going to miss them. But ideally I’ll be back here in a year, with a job, getting ready for my first crisp fall afternoon in my new old home, with many stories to tell and pictures to share of my year in London.

Oh, and to my NYC friends: I’m coming back a couple of days early! I’ll be going to a couple of events that Friday and Saturday night before I leave for London (more on that later), but ideally I’ll have more time to see you then.

Tuesday

1

September 2009

0

COMMENTS