Three Stars

Best for:
Anyone who is familiar with Hagen’s work; anyone who is themselves pondering the quality of their sex life.

In a nutshell:
Author Hagen explores their history of gender identity and sexuality against the backdrop of not having had sex in many years.

Worth quoting:
I listened to Hagen read the book and know that I found a few lines noteworthy but didn’t end up writing any down.

Why I chose it:
I enjoyed Hagen’s first book Happy Fat and wanted to support their next one.

Review:
What do you know about sex? Like, good sex? If you are a straight person, do you know anything beyond the sort of standard expectations we see in media? How do you view sex and sexuality? How do you view yourself in sexual situations? How do you relate to others sexually?

Hagen (who is non-binary and prefers they/them pronouns) talks through these topics in various ways in their book where they explore why they haven’t had sex in years. It’s not a book about chosen celibacy – they want to have sex. But as they explore their own gender identity and sexuality, they discover that maybe they have some things to work through themselves.

And they spend the book asking questions of experts and it is fascinating to read. They talk to a porn actor, a flirtologist, and put out a call for comment from people that resulted in 1800 responses. They learn to think about what they actually want in a sexual partner, and what those experiences should be like – the safety, the consideration.

The book also spends time looking into Hagen’s past relationships, including a couple that are not great emotionally, which people might find helpful as they think about what they want and need and expect in relationships.

This is an interesting read. I’m not quite sure what I expected but it probably wasn’t this. That isn’t to say it’s bad at all – just different.

What’s next for this book:
Might recommend it to other folks.