ASK Musings

Rating:
3.5

In a nutshell:
One of sextuplets featured over many years in Jon and Kate Plus Eight, Collin shares his story of abuse by his mother and how he has worked to take back his story.

Best for:
Anyone who has an interest in how parents monetize their children for social media and reality TV.

Quote that made me think:
“In our house there were no accidents, only fault. And the fault was always mine.”

Why I chose it:
While I don’t believe I ever watched the show Collin was forced to be on, I’ve seen others, and I live in the world. I think that society owes it to these kids to hear their stories, especially since so many of them were abused and mistreated so their parents could make money.

Review:
As with any autobiography, this is just one side of a story, but it is compelling. There are aspects that I do question (mostly because I don’t really know how that world works), but the calmness of the writing, the grace the author Collin (using his first name since I’ll also refer to his mother, who has the same surname), and the shadiness of so many adults around him makes much of what he shares believable.

For those without the background, Collin was part of the Gosselin sextuplets, as well as brother to a set of twins, featured on TLC’s ‘Jon and Kate Plus Eight,’ and later ‘Kate Plus Eight’ when Jon and Kate divorced. The reality show followed the parents and kiddos as they navigated such a large family.

When Collin was quite young – around 7 or 8 – Kate started acting out towards him. My understanding is that this took place after the divorce, so there was not another parent around, especially once Kate told Collin that Jon didn’t want to see him anymore (which we later learn wasn’t true – Kate also told Jon that Collin didn’t want to see him anymore. So manipulative.). She physically harmed him while disciplining him, which led to a CPS call that didn’t result in any action. But because Collin had told a teacher how he was injured, Kate pulled him out of school. Eventually, she kept him locked in a room without a proper bed or anything to do. He needed to be released to even use the toilet. So vile.

Side note – why are reality TV mothers of boys so weird about them? They’re either in love with their sons in a deeply unsettling way, or they hate them so much they do things like remove their beds. Ruby Franke did it to her son, and Kate did it to Collin. I know that only two examples but that seems like way too many …

At one point, Collin tries to run away but realizes he can’t go far and so come back. At this point, he is eleven. His mother and home school teacher (who he trusted and who betrays him multiple times – what is WRONG with adults) call an ambulance and get him admitted to a hospital and then later transferred to a juvenile facility. He is 11 at this point, and turns 12 a couple days later. No one calls, no one acknowledges it. It turns out later that someone apparently falsifies his records to say he was 13 when he was admitted, because that was the lower age limit of the place. He’s medicated but isn’t told why. In the entire time he is there, his mother visits him once, says horrible things to him, and leaves. That’s the last time he talks to her.

He does eventually (after over TWO YEARS) get transferred to a group home that cares about him much more. His dad eventually finds him and gets custody of him (and another of his siblings), and he manages to do well in high school. He joins the military, but is discharged after Kate shares things in social media about him having serious mental health issues. That whole section is WILD and I feel for him but I don’t know how the military works so am not sure if anything is missing there. He’s now in college and seems to be thriving. Good for him.

I don’t think reality TV is what made Kate abuse her son. I get the sense that she is not someone who could handle parenting a child who isn’t just willing to go along with everything, and that was magnified when not going along meant not wanting to have his most intimate childhood moments staged for a camera. I am not and will never be a parent, yet I can tell how scary, sad, and frustrating an experience this was for Collin, and how hard it would be to escape from her bullying and still build a life. But Collin is trying to do just that.

Would I recommend it to its target audience:
Yes

Rating:
4 Stars

In a nutshell:
Sophie and Alex are sent to Edinburgh Fringe for a month to write reviews of shows and exhibitions. After Alex writes a scathing review on night one, then sleeps with the star without telling her, things transpire.

Best for:
I think this is meant to be a sort of quick read (and it was) but it also deals with some pretty serious issues. And I’m not sure the blurb on the back is as accurate as it could be… so I guess it is best for those willing to spend some time sitting with a few different ethical questions.

Quote that made me think:
“How enormous a thing it must be to face the sum total of your flaws, and find that they are worse than you imagined, and obvious to everyone in the world except you.”

Why I chose it:
Book club. (This is a by mail book club, and for many months I’ve not been reading the options sent to me, but this past week I’ve torn through a couple of them).

Review:
This book is told from the first person perspective of someone who isn’t even mentioned on the description of the book. Sophie is a critic, just a couple of months back from maternity leave after the birth of her son Arlo, with her partner Josh. Sophie and Alex share a rental in Edinburgh for the month of August, with Alex set to review theatre and Sophie reviewing exhibitions and art. Alex is the son of a famous actress, and is known for writing scathing reviews. Basically, he doesn’t believe in giving anything between one or five stars – it’s all or nothing.

The premise of the book is that Alex writes a brutal — and likely overly unkind – review of a one-woman show. After sending it to his editor to print, he meets the woman Hayley in a bar. He doesn’t tell her who he is, or that he just slammed her show, and they end up sleeping together. Hayley is pissed when she finds out, and decides to completely re-work the show into a take-down of Alex, including inviting people who have been wronged by him to share their stories on stage or via email each night.

Sophie herself becomes Alex’s sole confidant, and by association people are assuming she has ‘chosen his side.’ And it turns out Alex has done some shitty things to loads of women. Nothing criminal, but the kind of stuff that so many men do and get away with. The show becomes nationally and internationally popular, and Alex is forced to figure out if he’s the person Hayley and all these others say he is, or if he’s worse? Or better?

The book deals with loads of different issues. First off – does the punishment fit the crime? Does a guy hurting a woman emotionally mean he should have his career ended? Should we care about the feelings of a poor little rich kid who hasn’t had to work much in his life anyway? Even if we understand why Alex is the way he is, what should we do with that information? Does it matter if he tries to change?

Throughout all of this, Sophie is struggling with her feelings for her partner, and for her job. She even starts to struggle with the idea of being a critic. What is the point of reviews? And are they worse now that everyone collectively shares their opinions, as opposed to us relying on trusted individuals whose opinions we value?

(It’s not lost on me that I’m contemplating this while writing my own review of an art form.)

Overall this is a clever idea for a book, and I’d argue it’s mostly well executed. Though the one thing that does sort of linger in the background is that the women in the book are all discussed in relation to this one man, and that’s … kinda icky. I get it, its for the plot, and the issues raised are worth exploring for sure. But its wild how much men feature even when it’s a story about a women, written by a woman.

Would I recommend it to its target audience:
Yes

Rating:
3.5

In a nutshell:
Five individuals find their lives change when they encounter a mysterious cafe run by cats.

Best for:
Those looking for something a bit dreamy and whimsical. Lovers of astrology (though that isn’t necessary – I wouldn’t put myself in that category but I still enjoyed those parts).

Quote that made me think:
“But the challenges it sets us aren’t barriers to confront – they’re doors waiting to be opened.”

“Not everything has to move forwards all the time you know…”

Why I chose it:
Cats. Come on.

Review:
This book was even more whimsical than I expected (I should have paid more attention to the cover art). But it was a great read on what is a very stormy weekend where I live. I felt cozy reading it, and also a bit inspired.

We first meet Mizuki, a screenwriter who is in a bit of a down slope of her career. She finds herself invited to the cafe, where cats give her some ideas about how she could perhaps bring her work to more relevance. The next person we meet is someone Mizuki has worked with before – someone in the entertainment industry, Akari. Akari is struggling a bit with her work and romantic lives. And an actress she has worked with, Satsuki, is in the middle of a scandal, having slept with a married actor. Akari and Satsuki both find themselves invited to the cafe, where the cats provide some very detailed information about their astrological charts.

Finally, we have Takashi, a software developer, and Megumi, a hairdresser. They both have dreams related to the cafe.

We find all five are connected in some way, and we also eventually learn about the origin of the cat cafe – in fact the whole book ties itself up quite neatly. Sometimes that’s a bit annoying, but in this case, I think it’s a sign of a well thought out and well crafted story.

I read this across just a couple of days, and I enjoyed it. I’m not sure it’s for everyone, but honestly it got me a bit more interested in astrology because why not? Life should have a bit more whimsy and mystery.

Would I recommend it to its target audience:
Yes

Rating:
4 Stars

In a nutshell:
As part of a new medical trial, four individuals with life limiting illnesses are able to have their memories transferred into their own clones.

Best for:
Those who (like me, I’m realizing) enjoy vague sci-fi ‘what if’ books. Those interested in exploring not so much the ethics of such a procedure, but the implications for individuals.

Quote that made me think:
N/A (audio book listened while running, so didn’t stop to write anything down)

Why I chose it:
I can’t recall how it got there, but it’s been on my to read pile for a bit now. Finally decided to crack on with it.

Review:
Four individuals, each with their own point of view chapters. There’s David, a Republican congressman; Hannah, a young artist with stage four lung cancer, Linda, a mom of two who has been locked in (able only to blink) for eight years, and Connie, a former actress with a medically resistant strain of AIDS.

As part of a medical trial (and with participants chosen by lottery), these four have their lives saved. While their memories are placed into their new body (a clone of themselves, aged up quickly to match their current ages), they all quickly find that this doesn’t mean they are back to their ‘old selves.’ At the same time, for those who were desperate for a fresh start, they find it isn’t as simple as they thought it might be. It’s more like a New Year’s Resolution – the intent is there, but they have so much history, it’s so easy to go back into old habits.

I appreciate that the author didn’t make any of the characters out to be saints. Unfortunately there are some I’d argue unnecessary commonalities to try to make the characters more ‘complex,’ which could have been achieved via other methods (minor spoiler – cheating factors in way more than I think it should). And while we don’t get point of view chapters from any of the partners, friends, or family of the four individuals, we get a sense of how hard this is for them, too. Having a loved one close to death, for some being supportive as they are dying, and then having them back healthy, but changed. Do you just keep going forward as though they’d never been sick? Do you change? Has the relationship.

And while it isn’t the main focus of the book, some of the characters do at times consider whether they ‘deserved’ to have their lives saved. Should there be a specific moral threshold to determine who gets to live longer, if supplies are limited? Should someone be denied access if they are an asshole? How about a criminal? How about immoral? And by whose standards are we judging immorality? Also … should we be cloning people even if the original recipe human is stripped of their mind and would have died anyway?

Would I recommend it to its target audience:
Yes

Rating:
4 Stars

In a nutshell:
Willow is living with her partner of over a decade. They’ve founded a company together, but things may not be going as well as Willow thinks.

Best for:
Anyone looking for a different version of Eat Pray Love.

Quote that made me think:
“Be careful about what you label yourself, because a lot of the labels we put on ourselves might not be true.”

Why I chose it:
Book club pick.

Review:
I’ve read a book by this author before. I checked out my review, and I wasn’t a huge fan of it. So I was a bit skeptical but the premise was interesting.

I read this book in one day. I inhaled it. I wanted to see what was going to happen next.

The author uses a convention I haven’t really seen before – chapters alternate between now and a bit back in time, but each ‘back in time’ chapter is actually getting us farther away from now, revealing more and more about the young adult life and childhood of our narrator Willow. It’s a clever tactic, and it works well in this book, because the pieces all start to fit together as the story is told in both directions.

Willow has a close circle of friends – Pen, who is single at the start, Alice, who is married and trying for a child, and Lola, who is in a steady, committed relationship. She also her aunt Carla, who basically raised her. Willow has been in such a relationship herself for over a decade, and now in her mid-30s, is hoping to take the next steps with Dom. They have a house, but she wants a child, and to be married.

Things don’t go that way. And because of the company they founded together, Willow finds herself single and jobless at the same time. But she was once a journalist, and ends up on an assignment to profile a Gen Z influencer whose whole brand is women should be single and live lives for themselves.

I enjoy the author’s exploration of the different relationships Willow has, — the challenges, the hypocrisies, to joy, the history. How sometimes people know us so well, but even then, they don’t know everything. How convention might be what someone wants, but perhaps they only want it because they didn’t seriously consider any other option?

The characters aren’t all fully fleshed out, Willow, Pen, and Carla especially feel like people I could know, and their interactions feel real. The book feels real.

The only drawback — and this is the case with so many books — is that a lot of what is preached in the pages about living an intentional life, making choices that make you happen, etc., are super easy to suggest when one has access to money.

Would I recommend it to its target audience:
Yes

Rating:
3 Stars

In a nutshell:
Valerie goes missing while hiking the Appalachian Trail. The story of her search is told through her eyes, the eyes of the lead searcher Lt Bev, and an older woman Lena, who lives in a nursing home somewhat far away.

Best for:
Folks tired of stories focused on the relationships between fathers and sons and wishing more were about mothers and daughters. Those who enjoy mystery but also nature writing.

Quote that made me think:
“He was, like many people, tyrannized by his changing moods. By an absence of a coherent personality.”

Why I chose it:
My partner gifted it to me for my birthday earlier this year. I read the description but had forgotten until I picked it up this week to read. It seemed appropriate for the season – mystery, set in the forest…

Review:
There is a lot about this book to like. The writing is great. The characters are mostly well-developed. The main characters are all women dealing with their own ideas of strength, solitude, and growth. Love that. The descriptions of the forests are gorgeous, and the discussion of the grief of not knowing, of searching for someone who is missing, is eloquent.

But a critical, interweaving part of the story, is mother daughter relationships, and I just … am not interested. They are all complex and complicated and interesting, but in the end, the author seems to be saying that ‘eh, everyone does the best they can, just love your mom.’ There’s also some mocking of estrangement and cutting ties with neglectful mothers, which feels straight out of Boomer Facebook. I think I’m just not buying that view of the world, or relationships that mothers and daughters have, that everyone’s doing their best and that alone should be sufficient for everyone to just get along fine. And while I get that this is a thread throughout this book, it didn’t need to be. The author could have picked a different through-line, or even a more complex version of this one, and I think it would have worked. I would have enjoyed that book much more than this one. But that’s not the author wanted to write, and the one she did leaves me a little sad for what could have been.

(Also, despite the review at the top of the cover, I wouldn’t call this heart-stopping. I at times forgot there even was a mystery.)

Would I recommend it to its target audience:
If you think all mother-daughter relationships are awesome, then go for it.

Rating:
3.5 stars

In a nutshell:
Obituary writer Bud accidentally publishes his own obituary, and subsequently ‘loses’ his job, while trying to figure out what his life means.

Best for:
Those who want a bit of humor with their existential dread. Those looking for a quick but interesting read.

Quote that made me think:
“The thing is, though, when you listen too carefully, too closely, day after day, to that pain, to that keening, it can take a toll. Because to really listen is to feel it, isn’t it?”

“What would you write if you had to write your obituary? Today, right now. What comes to mind? What memories, days, moments? What people and experiences? I realize, at first glance, that the idea of writing one’s own obituary while still alive may sound morbid. It’s not, though. I promise you. It’s a needed reminder of who you are, of what truly matters. Because it’s your life and there’s still time to write it. Before I have to.”

Why I chose it:
It was recommended on the audio book app I use (Libro.FM – great alternative to Audible).

Review:
Bud is a 44 year old man who lives in Brooklyn, in the apartment above his friend Tim’s home. He works for an AP-type news agency, writing obituaries. He’s not the best at it, but he’s fine. One day he gets an email from his ex wife, and ends up writing his own obituary, a bit as a lark. But events transpire that lead to him accidentally publishing the obituary.

The book isn’t about the world thinking Bud is dead – everyone realizes immediately that it’s an error, or weird joke, or something of that nature. His work suspends him pending an investigation, so Bud is faced with living in a bit of a limbo, more so than he already was. At his ex wife’s mom’s funeral, he meets Clara, a woman who goes to funerals of people she doesn’t know. Tim and Bud start attending a few of these, and Bud begins to explore what his life means to him now.

This book could have been trite – Bud could have had a giant change, everything getting resolved perfectly, with lots of deep, meaningful quotes. But that’s not how it works. Bud is funny. He’s sarcastic and self deprecating and makes absurd decisions sometimes. At the end of the book, he’s gone on a journey, but he hasn’t changed everything about who he is. Everything hasn’t worked itself out, but some things do get better. I appreciate that, because it feels like the way things work for real people outside of books,

Part of why this book interested me is that this summer my sister and I wrote my dad’s obituary. It was a process – I wrote a version, she wrote a version, she merged it together, then my mother tried to veto half of it. It was also healing, writing out some of the best things we could remember about my dad, including the things he loved to do. And it lives on as not a biography or a summary of his life, but a bit of a highlight reel, a cliff’s notes version of his 81 years.

The main reason this is 3.5 and not 4 stars is a ridiculous bit where an HR colleague was being quite kind and thoughtful with respect to pronounces and disability. Bud – and another character, Howard – mocks the man. The reader is supposed to relate and think negatively about how unnecessarily ‘woke’ society has become. The thing is, the scene takes up maybe three pages of the book? We already know that Bud is not 100% awesome, so it’s not like the scene was necessary at all, so it makes me think the author feels this way himself and wanted to fit that little dig in. It was, to my mind, wildly out of place and actually out of character for Bud. Weird choice.

Would I recommend it to its target audience:
Yes

Rating:
4.5 Stars

In a nutshell:
Author Lawson (also known as The Bloggess) shares quotes, words of encouragement, and ideas for helping folks get through whatever they’re trying to get through.

Best for:
Fans of Lawson. Fans of whimsy, sincerity, humor, weirdness, joy, and honesty. People who are looking for some ‘self-help’ that feels more like a close friend being kind to you.

Quote that made me think:
“You’re not failing if it’s just not for you.”

“They say the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, but really, the grasss grows where you choose to water it.”

“If I fix a problem but it continues to pop up even after getting fixed, then I need to reevaluate what the actual problem is.”

“Almost noting in nature blooms all the year round … why would you expect yourself to?”

Why I chose it:
I thoroughly enjoy Lawson’s writing. I had no idea she had a new book out, so when I saw this in my favorite bookstore when I was vising the US this summer, it was an immediate, obvious purchase.

Review:
I had some oral surgery this week and so have stitches in my mouth. It’s challenging to laugh more than an understated chuckle, so this was probably not the best time to pick this book to read. Still glad I did though. I was nearly in tears a couple of times from laughing so hard, and this isn’t really even a ‘humor’ book. Lawson is just an expert at telling a story that is both wildly unhinged and totally relatable, even when she’s just sharing what helps her gain focus as someone with ADHD.

The book’s title might suggest it’s about dealing with things like grief, or the general state of awfulness in the world. But its focus is smaller (and bigger) than that – it’s about how us, the reader, can work through whatever different challenges we are facing. Maybe it’s getting back into a hobby (she’s a creative person, so naturally a lot of what she shares relates to motivation for things like writing, but it can help with anything), or maybe it’s finding a way to do the dishes in the midst of a serious depressive episode.

Each section contains a handful of little chapters – some four pages long, some only part of a page – that follow a them. Lawson has a way with words, and the section include titles such as ‘Let’s Be Brave,’ ‘Let’s Make it Easier and Give Ourselves a Fucking Break,’ and my personal favorite, ‘Let’s kick Sadness Right in the Dick.’ The book can be read straight through (as I did), or the reader can pick an area where they are currently struggling and look for some tips, tricks, and words of support.

This book felt like a hug. It felt like something I’ll go back to when I need it. I’m happy it’s out in the world, and I hope lots of people read it and find it to be helpful for them.

Would I recommend it to its target audience:
Absolutely.

Rating:
3.5 Stars

In a nutshell:
The Newmans are a real-life family who have their own scripted television show (think Ozzie and Harriet). When the head of the household and writer / director of their show gets into a car accident before the season finale, the family starts figuring out what life might be like without him.

Best for:
Those who enjoy good writing and the tracking of multiple characters across one interwoven storyline.

Quote that made me think:
“I have to spend so much time with myself. I want to be good company.”

Why I chose it:
Part of a book club.

Review:
I read this book in two chunks – the first hundred pages and then the last three hundred. It sucked me in and I wanted to see how it would resolve. It was a decent read, though not my favorite.

Dinah and Del have two mostly adult children – Guy and Shep. Dinah and Del were both actors and singers in Hollywood in the 40s and 50s, and have been the stars of their own scripted Leave It To Beaver / Ozzie & Harriet style sitcom for the past dozen years. But it’s now 1964, and things are changing, including the tastes of TV viewers. The season finale is coming, and it might end up being the series finale.

Then Del is in a serious car accident, and Dinah, Guy and Shep all have to navigate what life might mean if Del doesn’t survive, against the backdrop of a time that is holding them all back in different ways (Shep probably the least, but that’s fine – not everyone needs to be having a life changing epiphany in a book). Dinah meets writer Juliet, who is putting a profile together on her. The butt heads across generations, but eventually end up working together on a project to make sure the final episode of the show is memorable.

Because the book is set in the 1960s, there is a lot discussed about the US is changing, with The Feminine Mystique as the through line. There is some discussion of racism and the civil rights movement, and the Lavender Scare / gay rights is a large part of the book as well. But the focus is (white) feminism. It’s nothing groundbreaking, but I think that’s fine. Much like a lot of people found something deep for them inside the Barbie film monologue, I think some readers will find something similar in this. Its basic feminism, but basics exist for a reason.

I’d probably not choose this book again, but I don’t feel like I wasted my time reading it. And also, as depressing as it is, the absolute basics of women’s rights are sadly back in question in so many cities, states, and nations. So what SHOULD be acknowledged as the absolute bare minimum of what women deserve is once again apparently on the table. So I guess it isn’t as basic as I thought. Sigh.

Would I recommend it to its target audience:
Sure. The writing is good, the characters well-developed, and not every book about feminism needs to be a PhD level seminar.