ASK Musings

Four Stars

Best for:
Anyone who menstruates and wants to know how they can use their cycle to their advantage.

In a nutshell:
Author Hill looks at different aspects of one’s menstrual cycle, as well as different challenges and complications people face and how to possibly address them.

Worth quoting:
“The mental switch you need to make is to realise that your feelings here are very real and have nothing to do with your hormones, but your hormones are helping you to give voice to them, and it’s on you to do something about them.”

Why I chose it:
I order my menstrual products from a company called Ohne, and they had this book. I thought it would be maybe 100 pages and small (almost like a gift book). Nope. It’s beefy!

What it left me feeling:
Empowered

Review:
I am in my 40s and learned a lot of menstrual health that I feel like someone should have maybe mentioned, I don’t know, 30 years ago?

The book is broken down into three sections: one that provides an overview of what all is going on with the vulva / vagina / uterus etc. It’s VERY descriptive – there are even drawings. This section also talks about the different hormones, when they are released during a cycle, and what that can mean for one’s body, energy, and libido. Fascinating.

The next chunk is all about the cycle. Hill wants all of us who menstruate to start tracking our cycles so we can really get to know ourselves and when we might be best suited to tackle certain things in our lives. It’s not about being controlled by one’s hormones or cycle; it’s about having knowledge and making adjustments. Sort of like if I get a great night of rest, I try to take advantage of that to do a harder workout. But if I get a rough night of sleep, I’ll take it a bit easier on myself so I can recover.

Hill breaks the cycle down into seasons: Winter (when one is on their period), Spring (the week-ish after leading up to ovulation), Summer (ovulation and the week after), and Autumn (that week when a lot of us might start feeling a bit blech as the period is about to arrive). Each chapter shows what part in the cycle she’s going to discuss, as well as a chart showing what the different hormones are doing at that time (specifically testosterone, oestrogen, and progesterone). Each season chapter includes a description of what is going on in one’s body, and lists ‘superpowers’ and ‘dangers’, as well as ways to care for one’s self. The thinking here is that after people track their cycles for a few months to see length and such, one can start to anticipate and perhaps plan for events and actions during the part of the cycle that is most conducive to that. The last chapter in this section deals with changes: starting one’s period, perimenopause, trying to conceive, etc. A lot I was able to skim over because it doesn’t apply to me, but it looks like it could be helpful to those to whom it applied.

The last 100 pages are about self-care – different ways to address possible hormonal or menstrual issues. This part I found to be a little less helpful / relevant (I’ve been lucky with my own menstrual experiences), and some if it was questionable (anyone who suggests sugar is addictive, let alone more addictive than cocaine without any context is going to get a side-eye from me), which is why this book gets four stars from me. I think the concerns of women and others who menstruate are so often fully dismissed that there is a danger of us grasping onto anything that seems promising. As I said, I skimmed a few of the chapters that weren’t relevant to me, so I can’t speak to the advice offered in those, but most of what I did read seemed reasonable.

Also, I have to say that I loved how inclusive this book was. Yes, she talks about women menstruating, because the majority of people who do are women. And that is why it’s received so little support and attention in society. But she also recognizes that some men and some non-binary people also menstruate, and they shouldn’t be excluded from the discussion.

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
Keep, Recommend to a Friend

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Three Stars

Best for:
People looking for magical worlds set in contemporary time, without supporting, say, anti-trans authors.

In a nutshell:
Witches are real, and there is a prophesy that a newly discovered teen, Theo, might bring about something very, very bad. A group of friends who were young witches together and have now followed different paths all become involved in addressing this.

Worth quoting:
N/A

Why I chose it:
I believe this was the last book I received before I ended a book subscription.

What it left me feeling:
Excited for the second in the series.

Review:
SPOILERS. CN for anti-trans words and actions, violence, war.

Spoilers because I can’t talk about most of the main points of the book without spoiling something that doesn’t happen until maybe 1/3 of the way through.

This book is set in modern times in the UK. HMRC is the initialism for Her (now His) Majesty’s Revenue and Customs, so it’s fun that the author is suggesting that HMRC also stands for Her Majesty’s Royal Coven. As an aside, I wonder if the next book will call it His Majesty’s Royal Coven? Anyway, the point is the book is set in the UK, and there are witches.

Helena, Niamh, Ciara, Elle and Leonie grew up together and discovered they were witches when they were young. Flash forward, and a great war has happened (where Ciara was on the wrong side, and is now permanently unconscious thanks to actions by her sister Niamh), involving all the witches and warlocks. In this world, witches are the more powerful – no warlock could be as powerful as a witch. And yet a teen boy Theo appears and is more powerful that pretty much any witch, and appears to be part of a prophesy that will result in a lot of very bad things. He doesn’t talk, he is scared, and Helena – who is now head of HMRC – asks her friend Niamh – who has left HMRC and works as a veterinarian – to take Theo in while they try to figure what to do.

Here’s where the spoilers come in – Niamh also takes in Elle’s daughter Holly to help train her now that she has learned she is a witch, and Theo comes out to Holly as trans. Which explains how Theo could be so powerful – she’s not a warlock, she’s a witch! Niamh and Holly are super supportive, but Helena is not. Helena is for sure a TERF, and from then on things get rough between the friend group.

Leonie is the only member of the friend group who is Black, and also the only one who is a lesbian. She left HMRC to form her own coven for witches who are Black and women of color so they have a place to be safe from the racism of white women. I think that part is well done and really interesting to read, but I appreciate some reviews I read that feel like Leonie is tasked with taking on too much representation (why are all the other witches in the friend group straight and white?), and her storyline sometimes feels a bit shoehorned in. That said, I think Leonie was my favorite character after Niamh, and part of that is probably because we spend much more time with Niamh.

The author of the book is a trans woman herself, and I’d imagine writing this book was a bit cathartic for her, given how shitty so many alleged feminist white women are to trans women in the UK right now. The reason the book for me is only three stars is that the writing is a bit … underdeveloped? Like, I wasn’t sure for awhile if I was reading a YA book. The chapters are all very short, and are from different character perspectives, which is a device I quite like, but needed a bit more refinement I think. That said, the ending was a full on gut punch, and I’m super looking forward to the sequel, which comes out this summer.

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
Donate it

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Three Stars

Best for:
Those interested in the details of forensic pathology.

In a nutshell:
Forensic pathologist Dr Shepherd shares his experience in the field, along with how his work impacted his life and the lives of his family members.

Worth quoting:
N/A Audio book

Why I chose it:
Although I no longer work in emergency preparedness, I do still find the field fascinating, and because I did work on mass fatality response planning in particular, I

What it left me feeling:
Contemplative

Review:
This book basically did what is promised – it gave me some insight into forensic pathology in the UK. As someone who worked with forensic anthropologists and medical examiners / coroners in the US, I was interested to see if its much different in the UK. Not really, though the system of naming conventions is slightly different (e.g., in the state I worked in, a coroner was elected, while a medical examiner was a medical doctor, and one would find a medical examiner in large population areas, whereas it seems only coroner is used here).

Dr Shepherd spent most of his working life in the 1980s and later, so he’s seen the evolution of things like DNA testing for identification. He has also scene changes in how certain types of deaths are treated and investigated, including deaths in police or prison custody, and deaths of small children. He also worked on some well-known forensic events in the UK, including the Marchioness boat disaster on the Thames and the 7 July bombings in 2005.

He also had a wife and raised two children, and he speaks of how his working life impacted theirs. His wife later in life retrains to be a doctor as well, so their calendars are usually in conflict, with him on call for events taking place at any time day or night. There are a lot of professions where we assume someone will be available 24/7 (and rightly should be), but I don’t think we spend enough time thinking about how to best support the people and the families of the people who we expect to fill in those roles.

He touches often on the concept of truth, which I found fascinating. People in his profession are often called to make definitive conclusions, whereas often the data and examination lean heavily towards one conclusion, but others cannot necessarily be ruled out. How we die isn’t always straightforward, and the stories told around death aren’t complete if they don’t include the information the dead provide through examination of their bodies. And even then … sometimes we just cannot know exactly what or how something happened.

I listened to the author read the audio version of this, which I would recommend. However, he is very detailed in his descriptions of things, so if you would be sensitive to accurate discussions of anatomy after death as well as the manner of injury for things like homicide and sexual assault, I’d suggest skipping this one.

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
None of the above

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Two Stars

Best for:
People who are already working with a therapist, as that therapist can point out which parts of the book are useful and which are … super not.

In a nutshell:
Instagram influencer psychologist Dr LePera offers her suggestions on how to work through issues

Worth quoting:
I underlined a lot, but I don’t think there’s anything worth sharing.

Why I chose it:
There’s an area I’m working on in therapy and I asked my therapist for a book recommendation. She suggested this one. She and I are going to have a chat about it next session.

What it left me feeling:
Both motivated and suspicious

Review:
As I was reading this book, I had some reservations. Some parts were helpful in me understanding things, and some suggestions fall into the ‘couldn’t hurt’ category, but something about this book was rubbing me the wrong way. Was it because I just wasn’t ready to read some of the suggestions? Or was it because it felt a little … grifty? Honestly, I’m already going to side-eye anyone who promotes intermittent fasting, but no author and I are going to agree on everything. But there’s something about the tone of this book that feels very bootstrap-y. Like, a little bit like The Secret but for therapy? Dr LePera seems to push the notion that one can literally fix anything through some breath work and journaling.

She does pay lip service to privilege (though really as it relates to racism, and not seeming to see how people who are not disabled, or how people in other marginalized communities might face challenges) but overall the biggest take-away for me from her is that the individual is both responsible for and able to create their own future. Which, on the surface, sounds great … except it isn’t true? Like, some shit is beyond our control, and it seems weirdly un-evolved and unhealthy to ignore that. She talks about diseases that have a genetic component, sharing stories of for example a woman with MS who couldn’t walk but now can, I guess because she healed her inner child? I’m being glib, but I find that to be a dangerous outlook.

As I said, I had some reservations, but I did also find parts related to inner child work and parental relationships useful. If I’d written this review the second I put down the book, it probably would have been a solid 3, maybe 3.5 stars. She even has a new book coming out and is coming to my town to talk, and I signed up for tickets. Seemed like a sign!

Except, literally the next day, a good friend who is a therapist, and who had no idea I was reading this book, out of the blue raised how dangerous this woman is as an Instagram influencer. And I should have picked up this – she has a name for the people who are super into her work. Like, that’s just culty behavior. I appreciate and recognize the need for supports for people around mental health, especially as one on one therapy is expensive and not even available to many people, but the way she presents her information on Instagram really raises some questions about the ethics of this type of work in the way she does it.

Now, is that a reasonable thing to include in a book review? I think so. One can’t separate the ‘art’ from the ‘artist’ when the artist is still possibly causing harm, so I think anyone who is considering picking up this book should do more research than I did into the author.

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
Keep it (for the bits mentioned above that were relevant)

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Four Stars

Best for:
Anyone who is looking for a bit of encouragement in a non-self-help format.

In a nutshell:
Through dozens of tiny chapters (many no longer than a paragraph long), author Haig offers reflections on life for the reader to take comfort in.

Worth quoting:
I underlined so many phrases in this book, so this section could be miles long.

“Don’t drain yourself trying to be understood by people who insist on not understanding you.”

Why I chose it:
I think I was looking for a little bit of comfort and some inspiration.

What it left me feeling:
Safe

Review:
What a lovely little book. In the hands of a less talented writer it could have felt overly … sappy? Meaningless? Shallow? A book full of paragraph-long chapters could come across as a gimmick, but this doesn’t. It comes across as the writings of someone who has felt profound sadness and depression as well as happiness and joy.

I get the feeling from reading Haig’s books that he just wants other humans to feel like they are enough. That there is life out there and in here for all of us, and we don’t need to spend our time focused on things we don’t need, or relationships that aren’t good for us. We don’t need to lose weight, or have children, or get a promotion to have value. That life is for living and enjoying, and that we have no way of knowing the future, so we need to find ways to live with and even value the uncertainty.

I struggle with things I cannot control (like, you know, pretty much everything, right?). Uncertainty, the unknown, the unplanned – these are not things that I thrive on. But reading, in many different ways, ideas for how to think about the unknown, the uncertainty is indeed comforting.

This book is going up on my shelf, and I will be taking it down whenever need a reminder that I am enough.

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
Recommend and keep

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Five Stars

Best for:
Those familiar with Davis’s work. Those interested in a serious discussion of the challenges a Black woman faces.

In a nutshell:
Actor Viola Davis

Worth quoting:
“Forgiveness is giving up all hope of a different past.”

Why I chose it:
I heard people talking about it so I purchased the audio book (I do love a celebrity memoir read by the author). Then she won the Grammy for the performance of it so I decided it was time to start it.

What it left me feeling:
Happy (for the author)

Review:
Before this book I didn’t know much about Viola Davis. I’ve seen some of her work – Doubt, The Help, How to Get Away With Murder – but I didn’t know how she chose this career, or what her life was like.

This is a memoir that feels deeply honest, written by someone who has done the work to sort through experiences that hopefully most readers can only imagine. Living in poverty, having an abusive parent, facing racism, sexism. And managing to find a way to be successful and happy working in an industry that is notoriously racist and sexist.

Davis’s childhood was rough. Like, rough in a way that I can’t quite fully comprehend. The fact that society just … allows living conditions like the one her family experienced. And that’s not a commentary on her parents – that’s a commentary on social support and safety nets. If food stamps only last half the month, that’s better than nothing but it’s also not nearly enough. No adults, let along children, should be fending off rats. The fact that she not only survived that childhood but is a functional, thriving adult? I mean, damn.

Another area that I wasn’t really expecting was Davis’s experience at Julliard and the how the gatekeepers of talent perpetuate the systems of oppression. People associate Julliard with training some of the most talented people in the arts, but Davis shared how that training promoted and perpetuated white ideals of what talent and art are. I’m not surprised to learn this, but I am disappointed.

I appreciated Davis’s transparency around being a working actor, and the ideas about ‘integrity’ and what types of roles people take. She breaks down how few people are able to make enough money to get the good health care in SAG – I think it’s 4%? – and the threshold for that is earning $20,000 a year. Imagine. 4% of all actors on TV and in film making that much. She is clearly someone who desperately loves her art and her craft, and takes it very seriously, but also seems to recognize that work is work, and very few people can afford to be choosy.

After listening to the audio book, I can see why she won the Grammy (completing the EGOT, and for performances only for the first time in many years). I’d recommend if you’re thinking of reading this to choose the audio version.

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
Recommend to a Friend.

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