ASK Musings

Rating:
4.5 Stars

In a nutshell:
Author Lawson (also known as The Bloggess) shares quotes, words of encouragement, and ideas for helping folks get through whatever they’re trying to get through.

Best for:
Fans of Lawson. Fans of whimsy, sincerity, humor, weirdness, joy, and honesty. People who are looking for some ‘self-help’ that feels more like a close friend being kind to you.

Quote that made me think:
“You’re not failing if it’s just not for you.”

“They say the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, but really, the grasss grows where you choose to water it.”

“If I fix a problem but it continues to pop up even after getting fixed, then I need to reevaluate what the actual problem is.”

“Almost noting in nature blooms all the year round … why would you expect yourself to?”

Why I chose it:
I thoroughly enjoy Lawson’s writing. I had no idea she had a new book out, so when I saw this in my favorite bookstore when I was vising the US this summer, it was an immediate, obvious purchase.

Review:
I had some oral surgery this week and so have stitches in my mouth. It’s challenging to laugh more than an understated chuckle, so this was probably not the best time to pick this book to read. Still glad I did though. I was nearly in tears a couple of times from laughing so hard, and this isn’t really even a ‘humor’ book. Lawson is just an expert at telling a story that is both wildly unhinged and totally relatable, even when she’s just sharing what helps her gain focus as someone with ADHD.

The book’s title might suggest it’s about dealing with things like grief, or the general state of awfulness in the world. But its focus is smaller (and bigger) than that – it’s about how us, the reader, can work through whatever different challenges we are facing. Maybe it’s getting back into a hobby (she’s a creative person, so naturally a lot of what she shares relates to motivation for things like writing, but it can help with anything), or maybe it’s finding a way to do the dishes in the midst of a serious depressive episode.

Each section contains a handful of little chapters – some four pages long, some only part of a page – that follow a them. Lawson has a way with words, and the section include titles such as ‘Let’s Be Brave,’ ‘Let’s Make it Easier and Give Ourselves a Fucking Break,’ and my personal favorite, ‘Let’s kick Sadness Right in the Dick.’ The book can be read straight through (as I did), or the reader can pick an area where they are currently struggling and look for some tips, tricks, and words of support.

This book felt like a hug. It felt like something I’ll go back to when I need it. I’m happy it’s out in the world, and I hope lots of people read it and find it to be helpful for them.

Would I recommend it to its target audience:
Absolutely.

Rating:
3.5 Stars

In a nutshell:
The Newmans are a real-life family who have their own scripted television show (think Ozzie and Harriet). When the head of the household and writer / director of their show gets into a car accident before the season finale, the family starts figuring out what life might be like without him.

Best for:
Those who enjoy good writing and the tracking of multiple characters across one interwoven storyline.

Quote that made me think:
“I have to spend so much time with myself. I want to be good company.”

Why I chose it:
Part of a book club.

Review:
I read this book in two chunks – the first hundred pages and then the last three hundred. It sucked me in and I wanted to see how it would resolve. It was a decent read, though not my favorite.

Dinah and Del have two mostly adult children – Guy and Shep. Dinah and Del were both actors and singers in Hollywood in the 40s and 50s, and have been the stars of their own scripted Leave It To Beaver / Ozzie & Harriet style sitcom for the past dozen years. But it’s now 1964, and things are changing, including the tastes of TV viewers. The season finale is coming, and it might end up being the series finale.

Then Del is in a serious car accident, and Dinah, Guy and Shep all have to navigate what life might mean if Del doesn’t survive, against the backdrop of a time that is holding them all back in different ways (Shep probably the least, but that’s fine – not everyone needs to be having a life changing epiphany in a book). Dinah meets writer Juliet, who is putting a profile together on her. The butt heads across generations, but eventually end up working together on a project to make sure the final episode of the show is memorable.

Because the book is set in the 1960s, there is a lot discussed about the US is changing, with The Feminine Mystique as the through line. There is some discussion of racism and the civil rights movement, and the Lavender Scare / gay rights is a large part of the book as well. But the focus is (white) feminism. It’s nothing groundbreaking, but I think that’s fine. Much like a lot of people found something deep for them inside the Barbie film monologue, I think some readers will find something similar in this. Its basic feminism, but basics exist for a reason.

I’d probably not choose this book again, but I don’t feel like I wasted my time reading it. And also, as depressing as it is, the absolute basics of women’s rights are sadly back in question in so many cities, states, and nations. So what SHOULD be acknowledged as the absolute bare minimum of what women deserve is once again apparently on the table. So I guess it isn’t as basic as I thought. Sigh.

Would I recommend it to its target audience:
Sure. The writing is good, the characters well-developed, and not every book about feminism needs to be a PhD level seminar.

Rating:
3 Stars

In a nutshell:
In this conclusion to the HMRC trilogy, the witches of the UK coven come together to fight a few different forms of the devil.

Best for:
Fans of the series. Fans of books about modern witches. People who don’t mind a bit of time travel as clean-up to resolve plot lines.

Quote that made me think:
N/A

Why I chose it:
I’d read and somewhat enjoyed the previous two books.

Review:
There is a lot of good in this book. Namely, the ability of the author to develop multiple characters so distinctly that I feel as though I know them and understand their motivation. There are many main and point of view characters – I count five – but there are also even more periphery characters who fit in well and make sense in this world.

The story starts where the last one ended, and resolves some of the cliffhangers straight away. It also resolves pretty much every storyline, so I appreciate that as well. And I love that the focus is on women throughout – there are a couple of men in the books, but the story is about the women and their relationships and friendships, set against this fantastical backdrop.

With that said, I think this book might be what convinces me that this genre is not for me. I like the idea of stories about witches and magic, but I have some expectations about how things should work in books. Yes, I accept this world the author has built, and the magic within, but some of the choices she made didn’t work for me. Specifically, the entire battle that takes up most of the last bit of the book relies heavily on time travel, and I just don’t find that to be interesting or successful in this case. I’m still not even clear how it actually worked within the book, as I couldn’t quite follow exactly what was going on. I am sure that people more well acquainted with the genre would say it was done cleverly and successfully, so perhaps I just … didn’t get it.

Would I recommend it to its target audience:
Sure – I just don’t think I am the target audience.

Rating:
2.5 Stars

In a nutshell:
Author May explores the changing of the seasons and the different ways we weather the literal and metaphorical winters of our lives, as told sort of in memoir form.

Best for:
I’m not entirely sure. Perhaps those experiencing challenges right now? This book is a bit all over the place.

Quote that made me think:
“The needle breaks the fabric in order to repair it. You can’t have one without the other.”

“Have we really got so far into the realm of electric light and central heating that the thythm of the year is irrelevant to us, and we no longer even want to notice the point at which the nights start getting shorter again?”

Why I chose it:
I picked it up a year ago but didn’t get to it – it looked interesting. Then life took over and other books jumped to the top of the pile. It caught my eye again at the start of Autumn, but took me about three weeks to read.

Review:
I should say up front that I think I get what the author was trying to do, and why she took this approach. It’s just not very successful for me.

The book feels a bit like an autobiography in search of a topic. I don’t think that’s how it started, but its more about the author than the overall concept of winter. In the epilogue (or perhaps the afterward?) she says she started out with the idea of interviewing a lot of people about winter, and traveling to many places that experience different aspects of winter. But she mostly did not do that, though she does call upon a trip she took to see the northern lights in Norway one January a few years ago.

The book is broken up into months – October through to March – and she explores some interesting ideas of literal winter (staying in, tacking stock, preparing for the next year) and metaphorical – illness, career challenges, life challenges. They don’t quite work together, but I do get what she was trying to do. Some chapters seemed bizarre and irrelevant – the one about wolves just seemed like it was filling space. Others stuck with me, and made me think about how I view not just winter, but where I am in any moment. The idea of life as not just linear but also cyclical. And it made me interested in thinking more about how to live in the moments as they are, not pining for spring in the winter, or autumn in the summer. So that’s good at least.

Would I recommend it to its target audience:
Maybe? I don’t think I can say I would recommend it, but I don’t think it should be avoided if one is interested in reading it.

Rating:
4 Stars

In a nutshell:
Author Ralston explores the world of football (soccer in the US) refereeing told via interviews with some of the top professionals in the game.

Best for:
Anyone who claims to be a football fan. Anyone who has yelled ‘REFEREE?!’ at their TV (or at a live match). Referees.

Quote that made me think:
“A refereeing error can influence the result, but so does a payer misplacing passes, the manager making the wrong substitution, or a club owner signing the wrong striker.”

“When you’re a coach or a payer, you can have a bad match or even a bad season, but referees cannot.”

Why I chose it:
In my free time, I am a referee in Scotland, generally refereeing grassroots girls matches and the occasional club academy game.

Review:
After nearly 35 years of playing football off and on, a little over a year ago I decided to become a referee in Scotland, and the set-up here is pretty amazing. We have termly trainings where they go over video to discuss calls. There are weekly fitness trainings spread across the geography of the city, where referees of all levels – including the ones refereeing the Scottish Premier League – train together. There’s a dedicated WhatsApp group for women referees, and we get our own trainings. Which might strike folks as odd – why would referees need their own community? Don’t you just show up, piss off players, and go home with some extra money?

This book explains why. Using the clever convention of matching each chapter to one of the 17 Laws of the Game, Ralston explores what it is like to be an elite referee, including how isolating it can be. Obviously very few people will ever reach that level, but the stories in this book are relevant not just to the grassroots referees like me, but to anyone who enjoys sport. There are loads of interesting stories, both infuriating and inspiring – from grassroots referees jumped in parking lots to referees realizing their dream of managing a World Cup final.

Through interviews with professional referees (mostly men, but a couple of women too), Ralston explores the challenges of being a referee. Aside from the obviously physical ones — I I am essentially doing a HIIT workout every Saturday — there are the mental challenges. I remember my very first match, and how exhausted I was not from the running but from paying attention. Where I referee, we don’t have assistant referees, so every single call comes only from what I see. There’s no mentally turning off ever, and it requires so much energy. Look away for just a moment, and a I might miss a cheap foul, or not be able to tell whether the striker going for the ball was offside.

And consider doing all that with people shouting at you. Imagine if you worked on spreadsheets, and when you went to enter a formula in a cell, someone screamed ‘that’s fucking wrong, you idiot’ from a hundred feet away. Or each time you sent an email, one of the recipients stood up and yelled ‘that’s not fair’ from their cubicle, Referees are at work, but players, coaches, and spectators all think it’s totally appropriate to just hurl abuse at them. Now, when I was a player I shouted in frustration, but I never abused or shouted AT a referee, and it is WILD to me how even some of the managers of the clubs I referee for think nothing of shouting inappropriate dissent onto the pitch. Just today, I experienced some abuse directed to me after the match based on my country of origin. (That young lady got herself a card for her troubles.) For higher level referees, multiply that by a few thousand, as well as a few hundred thousand more watching at home, sending abuse via social media and the airwaves.

One area Ralston spends some time on is how white professional refereeing in Europe is. It’s shocking how few referees are people of color and it’s even less at the professional level, and that is partly because of the pipeline — if you don’t have referees of color at the lowest levels, they aren’t there to be in the top flights. And there’s also some evidence that such referees aren’t promoted at the rates they should be, and don’t receive the support they should. Ralston also briefly mentions the lack of women referees, but he doesn’t focus on that. I’m not surprised.

Ralston also examines the limitations of the Laws of the Game. As I said above, there are 17, but some of them have to do with things like the size of the pitch or the equipment players and referees must have. While most of those do reference what to do if there is an infringement, only a couple of the laws talk about specific ‘fouls’ – and the designations that mean the difference between just a standard free kick and someone getting sent off the pitch. So much is up for interpretation, and the best referees know how to apply the laws while keeping with the spirit of the game and what the game expects. It’s such a challenging balance, and most folks who enjoy football don’t seem to really get that.

This is a very long review mostly because I really enjoyed the book. I got some ideas out of it, some tips, some perspectives that will help me improve my game. But I think the best thing this book does is help the reader have empathy for referees, and for the difficulty of the job. It is literally thankless, yet it is necessary for the sport so many across the world love.

Would I recommend it to its target audience:
Absolutely

Rating:
4 Stars

In a nutshell:
Comedian Tomlinson shares some of her life story via essays focused on areas where she’s grown and changed her mind.

Best for:
Fans of thoughtful essays with a bit of humor. Those who enjoy Tomlinson’s style of humor.

Quote that made me think:
I originally listened to the audio book (read by the author) so didn’t note any down. I plan to read the hard copy I also bought next year, so that review will I’m SURE have some quotes.

Why I chose it:
I first became aware of Tomlinson during the pandemic, when her first Netflix special was released. I rewatch that at least once every six months. I just found her observations so spot on. Her subsequent specials have all been slightly different, but always have me guffawing, giggling, and near tears. I also follow her on social media, and have seen her perform live one time. I think she’s incredibly smart and talented, and she’s clearly also got an intense work ethic.

Review:
This book was a delightful surprise, but the surprise is that it is definitely more of a literary memoir that a humor memoir, if that makes sense. It is not a funny book, and I think some folks will expect a comedian’s first book to be funny. It’s not NOT funny – there are loads of clever quips and moments where I laughed out loud – but the purpose is not to make the reader laugh. The purpose, I’d say, is for Tomlinson to share some insight into her life, and to the ways she has changed and grown over the years.

For those who aren’t aware, Tomlinson was raised in conservative Christianity, and got her start as a teen doing stand-up in the church circuit. Her mother died when she was very young – like 8 or 9 – and her father remarried quickly. She was engaged to a man in her early 20s, called that engagement off, and by her 30s came out as bisexual. She’s now no contact with her father, and considers her three siblings her best friends. She also managed to release four one-hour Netflix specials and host two seasons of the late-night game show After Midnight (the ending of which she details in one of her essays).

I think this memoir does a great job of sharing a lot with the reader while also keeping a lot for the writer. We aren’t entitled to everything – for example, Tomlinson does share that she is not in contact with her father, but she doesn’t share details beyond that, and spends an entire chapter talking about some of the great things her parents did for her growing up. She seems to have processed that relationship and shares with us the take-aways that we might find helpful ourselves. I can’t relate to most of her life – wasn’t raised in a church, I lost my first parent only VERY recently, I’m still talking to my surviving parent, I’m not a famous entertainer – but I could relate to the meaning she has taken from what she shared. She tells anecdotes that are interesting but there seems to always be a purpose to each essay, and many memoirs don’t manage that.

The book isn’t long – the audio book came in under six hours – but it is efficient. Which I guess makes sense coming from a comedian who cuts right to the quick with her humor, and which I appreciate in a memoir. I’m looking forward to reading it again (hard copy) next year.

Would I recommend it to its target audience:
Absolutely.

Rating:
3.5

In a nutshell:
Sybil is a retired, divorced law clerk who writes letters (and occasionally emails) to pretty much anyone and everyone. We get a look at the letters she sends (and receives) over the course of a decade.

Best for:
Those who enjoy small stories that take place over longer periods of time.

Quote that made me think:
N/A (which is kind of surprising)

Why I chose it:
Book club.

Review:
This is an interesting way to tell someone’s story. It is mostly in Sybil’s own words, but so much is not included. It spans a decade, and we probably get no more than 20 letters each year. Letters will reference phone calls and such, which makes sense as no one communicates solely via correspondence, but its interesting what the author chooses to include and chooses to leave out.

There are a few different ‘plots’ – Sybil’s relationship with her adult children, her own adoption, the loss of a child, navigating a progressive illness (among other things). And they weave in as one would expect – not everything a person deals with is the forefront of every conversation or thought. But I think what I enjoyed most is seeing real character development across a decade when some folks might argue people have sort of solidified into who they are going to be. Sybil is in her post-retirement life, and at times herself wonders what she’s doing. But she is able to grow and change. She doesn’t become someone entirely different, but she allows herself the chance to learn and grow in her relationships.

This book took a bit of time for me to get into, and while on the one hand one could just pause at any time since each letter is usually two pages, and at most four. But one thing I disliked was the lack of chapters. I felt I needed to really set aside time to read it, which perhaps the author intended, but that meant for the first week or so I just avoided reading it if I only had 20 minutes or so.

Would I recommend it to its target audience:
Sure

Rating:
2 Stars

In a nutshell:
Anger, vulnerability, and desperately needing an honest editor.

Best for:
I can see that many people have sung the praises of this book. If you’re interested in reading it, maybe see if the people who liked it seem to have similar taste to you? And no matter what, don’t pick the audio book.

Quote that made me think:
N/A

Why I chose it:
Memoir read by the author. That’s like, at least 25% of what I read. Kinda wish I hadn’t.

Review:
Book CN: Child sexual assault, domestic violence

Some memoirs written by famous people are brilliant. The can get to the heart of really tricky matters, discuss important issues, and help the reader feel as though they have gotten to know the author. At the same time, I think that we all know that every memoir author has to make decisions about what to include and what to leave out. Sometimes that means one gets a fun little collection of essays that shows some vulnerability but that the author has been clear isn’t the full story, which is absolutely fine (like Anna Kendrick’s Scrappy Little Nobody). Sometimes that means one reads what feels quite self indulgent and lacking self-awareness (like Rebel Wilson’s Rebel Rising).

Here we get something else – the ‘maybe this story should have stayed between you and your therapist’ memoir. And that is NOT to say that memoirs cannot or should not dive into really tricky, challenging, even uncomfortable topic areas. I think a great example of this is Jennette McCurdy’s I’m Glad My Mom Died. Great writing, tough topics, but I got the sense that the author had processed her emotions, and her story, and gotten to a point where she could tell it.

I don’t think Applegate is there yet. I think she has faced – and come through – way more than any one person should have to handle. And she’s very forthcoming about how all of it has affected her. She leans HEAVILY into the opposite of bright-siding things – she is more likely to focus on the negatives than the positives in any situation. And that is her absolute right – she gets to decide how she handles the trials she faces. But there’s an overall chaos to this memoir that does not work in its current form. I think the editor and publisher have let Applegate down, because she has put so much of herself out there, in a book that ultimately is not, to me, well done. And as always, it feels gross to write that about someone’s life story, but the book is telling her story, and I think her story deserved better.

She also suffers from the same thing I’ve seen in other memoirs – the inclusion of problematic people without acknowledging it. This is such a small thing, but in a book where there isn’t actually just a flood of name dropping, two names she does choose to drop somewhat affectionately are Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt. Two men who have been accused of domestic abuse. Wild.

As I said in the title, what I think may have deeply impacted my feelings on this book was the bizarre delivery of the audio book. When talking about things she will go from chuckling to actually crying, to making weird sarcastic voices in places where it doesn’t quite make sense. It felt as though someone was reading it as sort of a joke melodrama audition? Where they’d not read the material beforehand but got to parts where they wanted to make an acting choice and just went all over the place? It was disconcerting to the point that I again want to know where were the people who should have caught this. Where was the audio book producer, the voice coach? Was she receiving proper support when having to put her voice to the words she’d written about her own trauma? It was just … off. So I do wonder if reading a hard copy of the book would have led me to a different conclusion. Alas, I’m not about to read this again, so this review will stand as is.

Would I recommend it to its target audience:
No.