ASK Musings

Rating:
4 Stars

In a nutshell:
Annie works in tech and is about to be laid off when she works with her friend in HR to see if she can slot into another role. She’s not qualified, but maybe she can make it work. And also perhaps learn how to not blow everything up?

Best for:
Fans of workplace AND family drama. Those who are looking for a fun, easy read.

Quote that made me think:
N/A

Why I chose it:
The author started a bookshop in Edinburgh called Rare Birds that only sells books by women authors. I’m a member of that shop’s book club, and this was the choice for June. I hadn’t started it, but then my mum texted me if I’d ever been to Rare Birds because she was reading a book by the owner. Small world. Figured I should crack it open.

Review:
Annie is infuriating. She’s not always wrong, but the WAY she goes about things shows an immaturity. For example, she and her sister Shannon are barely talking because at Shannon’s engagement party two years ago, Annie shared the fact that Shannon’s fiance was cheating on her. And she announced it during speeches. Publicly. It comes from a good place, but Annie needs to think before she acts. Sometimes it works out, sure, but sometimes it is a disaster.

Meanwhile, there are layoffs at her job, and she manages to sort out a new job that she is definitely not traditionally qualified for. But her new line manager is a pretty great, and willing to give her a chance to be an asset to the team – which she is. For awhile, anyway.

There are a few story-lines and they don’t get fully fleshed out – though the sister storyline is the best one I think – but they’re fun and interesting and kept me engaged.

The only bits I didn’t like – and these are a personal preference and don’t speak to the quality of the book – were the two or three fairly explicit sex scenes. I don’t read books for that, and frankly I’m not super keen on reading a book on my commute that suddenly turns into soft core porn. But I know other folks don’t mind it.

Would I recommend it to its target audience:
For sure.

Rating: 3.5 Stars

In a nutshell:
Former child social media darling Anuri (the correct markings on her name will not be accepted by my word processing program, but you can view the name and learn how to pronounce it here) has managed to mostly extract herself from her stepmother’s social media empire, but she is worried about the impact it is having on her 5-year-old sister’s life.

Best for:
Those interested in how social media affects children when they are the stars of it.

Quote that made me think:
“And control, when you have lost everything, when hope has been extracted from you like a black tumor, is everything. Even when it is a lie.”

“If there is one thing white people hate more than anything in this world, it is the implication that their racism makes them racist.”

Why I chose it:
Monthly book club option that seemed the most interesting.

Review:
I think this book tries to do a bit too much, and in doing so ends up not doing enough. I think I get what the author was going for, and perhaps my response means she was actually successful in doing it. But maybe not?

Anuri is the 25-year-old subject of the book, and most of the story we get is told from her perspective. She is the daughter of Nkem and Kainene, born in Nigeria but taken to the UK by Nkem when Kainene dies in childbirth. While there, Nkem meets nurse Ophelia, a Swedish woman living in the UK. The two eventually marry, and Ophelia turns Anuri into a social media darling.

We learn at the outset that at some point Anuri has been able to remove herself from being featured by Ophelia, but she is concerned in seeing the pattern repeated with her sister Noelle. Anuri is both successful and struggling – she has a thriving hair styling business and also makes bespoke candles. She has two very close friends who have known her nearly her entire life and so know what she has been through. But having grown up in that weird social media spotlight has resulted in issues that she is trying to get through.

The book gives us glimpses of the perspectives of Nkem and Ophelia, making it clear that they are not exactly monsters, but there’s not enough of them to create enough complexity for me. I would either preferred these sections be excised completely, or that they be further built out. The book is a decent length – over 300 pages – but I felt it needed more. Both more editing and more of the story. The resolution came quickly and was somewhat satisfying but also felt almost tacked on. And yet perhaps the author meant for the main conflict to not actually be the main focus? I could see that argument, but it doesn’t fully work for me.

That said, I am glad I read it, and I would read more books by this author.

Would I recommend it to its target audience:
I think so. It’s definitely a clever story and a different take on social media.

Rating:
3.5 Stars

In a nutshell:
What is the cost – and what (if any) are the benefits – of sharing one’s children online?

Best for:
Those interested in the impact of sharing the lives of children on social media.

Quote that made me think:
“There is no child advocate, only the parents.”

Why I chose it:
I for some reason am finding social media quite interesting these days. Possibly because I’m not using it nearly as much as I used to

Review:
I am not a parent, I never will be a parent, and I am way too old for any of my childhood to have been chronicled online. So in theory, this book wouldn’t be of interest to me. But I live in society, and I see how the generations younger than me make use of social media. In some ways, it’s amazing – spreading the call out for activist mobilization, sharing funny videos to entertain folks in tough times. But it also can clearly be a force that harms people. And one of those ways may be in how children are featured by their families (usually mothers) in social media.

Author Latifi is a mother herself, and pitched this book while pregnant, finishing it less than a year post-partum. So she has the perspective not just of a journalist but of a mother. She’s very clear that some of the very social media posts that folks might find questionable because they feature children and babies were helpful for her in some of her most challenging times. And that’s the main dichotomy this book explores – Does the value (some of) these posts provides – in terms of building community, helping mothers not feel alone, sharing stories that might help others – outweigh the harm that can be caused to the children featured in them, especially when children don’t have the capacity to consent.

Latifi explores the history of family vlogging, starting with ‘mommy blogging’ – stories women would share via blog posts that might or might not feature photos of their children. There was a level of community and support that could help mothers who might not have their own community, or who might be experiencing specific things that other mothers online were experiencing. Over time, as social media evolved to feature photos and videos (short- and long-form), ‘mommy vlogers’ and ‘family vlogers’ became staples. By default these would feature children, some as young as freshly born, and some nearly old enough to have their own social media profiles.

We’ve seen what happens when this goes wrong – the Rube Franke case showed that some parents put their children through hell. And there is an underlying connection to things like religious evangelicalism and the ‘tradwife’ movement. But there are also children who seem to enjoy this life. And, as Latifi points out, social media work is one that can offer the type of flexibility (and monetary reward) that few jobs allow working parents. Where she and I differ I think is in her conclusion that while she never would put her kids in that situations, questioning it seem almost misogynistic? I suppose because it is a way of work that is primarily filled by women. But just because it is a choice a woman can make doesn’t make it feminist.

After reading this book, I do appreciate the benefit some of these social media accounts provide to others, essentially recreating a bit of a parasocial ‘village’ support mothers. But I don’t think there is enough done to protect the children whose lives are broadcast online. Latifi explores attempts to have some accountability, but laws are sparse and complicated. And while parents do make a lot of other choices for their children that are essentially irreversible, the internet is public, and it is forever, and to me that makes the choices even more critical.

Would I recommend it to its target audience:
I don’t fully agree with the author’s conclusions, but I think the discussion was important.

Rating:
3.5 Stars

In a nutshell:
19-year-old Nick has gone missing. We eventually learn he has died from a fall – or jump? – from a building along the Thames in London. His death reveals he has been lying about who he is, pretending to be the son of a Russian oligarch.

Best for:
Fans of investigative reporting.

Quote that made me think:
N/A

Why I chose it:
Say Nothing and Empire of Pain are two of the best non-fiction books I’ve ever read. As soon as I saw this I knew I had to read it.

Review:
The book starts with a description of two buildings in London: a government building on the south side of the Thames, and the Riverwalk condos on the north side. We learn quickly that Nick has died from a fall from the Riverwalk building, though his family doesn’t learn of this for a few days, when his body is discovered just next to the embankment. Cameras on the government building showed that Nick jumped from the building and was not pushed – though it doesn’t show if something led him to think that was his only option. (As an aside – while listening to the audio book I was in London and ran past both buildings a couple of times. That’s always a bit weird.)

Before his parents learn about Nick’s death and only know he is missing, they discover he has been lying to people for a few years, saying that his dad Matthew is dead and his mom Rochelle lives overseas. He says he knows the owner of Chelsea Football Club, and ingratiates himself with some folks who may or may not be involved in criminal activities.

From there, so many doors open, leading to so many different stories. In the center of it all is the Metropolitan Police, who don’t seem to take the investigation as seriously as the parents want. So they engage an investigator to look into the backgrounds of two individuals who claimed to have been fully fooled by Nick’s stories.

There are other interweaving stories, including the interesting background of Nick’s grandfather, but in the end, like so much in life, we don’t really learn what happened. It’s someone’s life, so I’m not going to say its ‘unsatisfying,’ but it is a bit frustrating. Like real life, I suppose. I feel for Nick, because he clearly had some issues to make up such severe lies, and then at the end of his life in one way or another felt he had no choice but to jump from that balcony. And I feel for his parents, because they’re left with so many questions.

Would I recommend it to its target audience:
I guess. I didn’t find it as engaging as his previous work, but it was still clearly very well researched and written.

Rating: 4.5

In a nutshell:
Natalie is a tradwife influencer with five kids and one on the way. She lives on a farm and posts on social media about her life (keeping the two nannies and many farmhands off screen, of course). One morning she wakes up and finds herself still on the farm, but her children are different and it appears to be some time in the 1800s. Is she dreaming? Is she part of some sort of reality show? What is happening?

Best for:
Anyone who enjoys social commentary and exploring various concepts of feminism, femininity, and culture.

Quote that made me think (or, in this case, laugh out loud):
When discussing her children getting ready for another day of filming for social media: “Their clothing was a rainbow of neutrals.”

Why I chose it:
I heard about it literally the day it was released. That coincided with my monthly Libro.FM credit, and there was indeed an audio reading available so I immediately snatched it up. It just sounded intriguing as hell. And apparently I’m woefully behind things in the book world, because this book went to auction for purchase, and the film rights were sold before the book was released. There’s a lot of hype around it and I’d say it lives up to it.

Review:
I finished this book a couple of days ago but wanted to sit with it to see if my thoughts on it might change. They haven’t. I still thoroughly enjoyed this book and think it covers some interesting and relevant concepts.

If you are familiar at all with ‘Ballerina Farm,’ then a lot of who Natalie is will ring familiar. The type of person who is clearly very smart in some ways but chooses to ignore things like science (raw milk, anyone?) because it doesn’t fit with the aesthetic she is promoting. She is heavily religious, and claims to defer to her husband and focuses on tasks and roles that some parts of society associate with women or femininity. At least, what’s who she presents herself as on her social media accounts.

She’s someone who views (her version of) feminism in a very negative light, and pities the lives other women choose when they don’t align with her choices. She thinks they are all dumb, while calling them out for things she herself is doing. It’s fascinating to watch the mental gymnastics she has to perform to be consistent in her world view.

Even though every chapter is from Natalie’s point of view, author Burke is still providing commentary about her and the world she operates in. It isn’t that Natalie’s way of life is wrong and others are right, and it’s not even vice versa – life is complicated and the choices we make have ramifications because of the capitalistic soup we live in. One can’t even truly ‘opt out’ like Natalie would claim she is doing because her whole life is reliant on connecting with viewers (including those who hate follow her) in the modern world.

The book is set up in a way that goes back and forth in time, across three parts. Basically, there’s the Natalie social media tradwife star storyline. Then there’s the Natalie in the 1800s storyline. From the 1800s version we go back and forth (it’s hard to say what we should call it, because it’s her past but also the future?) as Natalie grows from a kid all the way to when we first meet her in the beginning of the book and beyond a bit. I think if I were reading a physical copy (I read the audio book) I might have followed it a bit better, but it wasn’t actually that hard to keep track, as Burke pretty quickly lets the reader know what era we are in.

This film rights to this book have already been sold and an actress attached – I strongly urge you NOT to look up who that actress is until you’ve finished reading the book. Just trust me.

Would I recommend it to its target audience:
Absolutely.

Rating:
3.5 Stars

In a nutshell:
Four women living outside D.C. in the 1960s find themselves at crossroads, motivated by reading ‘The Feminine Mystique.’

Best for:
Those who enjoy stories of women finding themselves. Those who need a reminder of where we’ve been given where we are headed.

Quote that made me think:
“Somebody has to have the babies, don’t they? If they can?”

Why I chose it:
I was looking for a book about women, written by a women, as I’ve been reading a few books where men are the authors and protagonists.

Review:
Margaret, Viv, Charlotte and Bitsie all live in an exurb of Washington D.C., and are all facing challenges in their lives. Margaret is the main focus of the book, and the one bringing together the others for a book club, which starts with reading “The Feminine Mystique.”

Margaret is raising three children and isn’t feeling fulfilled. Her husband can be a bit of an ass, so she seeks support from her friends and neighbors. Charlotte is new to town, a bit brash, seemingly a bit detached from her children and husband. Viv and her husband have a wonderful marriage, and six kids. Viv is about to go back to work as a nurse. Bitsie is young, without children, and married to a somewhat older man who is also a veterinarian.

The book focuses on the friendships these women build, but also about the challenges they face in a world that views women as second class citizens. Viv tries to get birth control but needs her husbands sign-off, and in between the appointments she ends up pregnant. Margaret tries to open up a bank account for her own paychecks and is told she needs her husband’s permission. All face men – sometimes their own relatives – who belittle them and treat their interests as inconsequential and irrelevant.

While the author does speak to what Friedan missed out on with “The Feminine Mystique” – basically ignoring women who aren’t white, suburban and middle class – this book does also suffer a bit of the same. There is talk of civil rights, and there is one tertiary Black character, but the four main women are white and suburban, and their challenges, while infuriating, are not quite what one would call universal. For example, there is a bit of a discussion of money, but in reality none of the women or their families are at risk of serious economic challenge, so discussions around income don’t have the same kind of urgency. Additionally, none of the women choose the path of not having children, which would have been truly revolutionary.

This book was published last year, but given the optimism in it, I would have thought it was released in like 2010 or something. So much of what is discussed seems both so far away and so threateningly near. The pace the US is going, especially with things like the SAVE act, and the overturning of Roe vs Wade, women are getting pushed further and further backwards. Will we be able to have our own bank accounts? Will we be able to vote without jumping through hoops that men don’t need to? Will we be forced to have children, or be economically punished if we don’t? It kind of seems likely, which reminds me we haven’t actually come that far if it’s so easy to get back to where we started.

Would I recommend it to its target audience:
Yes. Despite the issues mentioned above, I enjoyed the storytelling and the character development quite a lot.

Rating:
3 Stars

In a nutshell:
In two separate, unrelated mysteries, the victim isn’t entirely clear.

Best for:
Fans of this genre – Yokomizo is a famous author of Japanese mysteries.

Quote that made me think:
N/A

Why I chose it:
It was a gift from my partner for my birthday.

Review:
Both of these stories focus on the idea that we might not be entirely sure of who the victim is. In the first, a woman’s body is found in the back garden of a cafe, and the owners have sold the cafe and left town. Is the woman in the ground who we all think, or might it be someone else? And either way, who is responsible for her death?

In the second, the death involves someone who is almost a twin – so is the dead person really he said he was before he was killed, or is he the other brother who looks just like him.

Both books have different storytelling modes – the first is a fairly standard narrative, while the second is told solely through letters from a relative of the murdered individual. Both are vivid in their storytelling; I could picture the scenes quite easily.

That said, there was something about the style of the writing that didn’t quite connect for me. Maybe it was the short story nature that didn’t allow enough time to develop the characters. Or perhaps it was that it felt like there was a lot of exposition and not a lot of the story unfolding on its own.

I am happy I read the book, but I probably won’t be seeking out more from this author.

Would I recommend it to its target audience:
I think so, yeah.

Rating:

3.5 Stars

CN: Pet illness and loss.

In a nutshell:
Veterinarian Dr Attas started the first house call vet service in Manhattan and share stories of treating the pets of the ultra rich, the not rich, and the famous.

Best for:
Those who love animals, so long as one can handle some sad stories as well.

Quote that made me think:
N/A

Why I chose it:
In December we had to say goodbye to our cat of 14 years, Tigger. We knew we wanted to say goodbye at home, both to reduce the stress on him and give him a good experience, but also so his brother Jameson could know what had happened. Dr Kim works for a company that specializes in in-home euthanasia and took such amazing care of both Tigger and me and my partner. She was so kind, and so respectful. It made an absolutely horrible day bearable. When I saw a book about in-home vets, I knew I wanted to read it!

Review:
Dr Attas has always known she wanted to be a vet, and was able to make it happen. The book shares some of her early career and how she was able to volunteer with vets to confirm what she wanted to do. She talks about the first pets she adopted, including a blind pug, and she also shares some of her personal life, including how she met her husband. But most of the book is focused on the stories of the pets and the humans she encounters.

She definitely name drops, but it does make sense because these are the people who she interacts with – Joan Rivers helped her with her business when she started (after being fired by a disappointing former boss). Billy Joel, Cher, and even Paul McCartney eventually feature in the book. But the real stars are the precious animals Dr Attis treats. She shares stories of routine appointment, of devastating diagnosis, and everything in between. She talks of doting pet parents and jerks who abandon pets when something new and shiny (a baby, another new pet) comes into the home. She clearly cares about her clients.

The one thing that left me feeling kind of meh about the book and the author is how much she focuses on pure breeds. She definitely does not support puppy mills or anything like that, and she helps with rehoming and adoping pets, but I don’t recall any discussion of mutts in the book. She herself seems to have a preference for pugs, which are bred in such a way that they often have breathing problems. I would have loved to hear more about the harm created for these animals but there wasn’t much about that.

While this book is a fairly new release, most of the stories take place in the 90s, which I wasn’t expecting.

Would I recommend it to its target audience:
I think so, but again, only if one can handle some very sad stories as well.

Rating: 4 Stars

In a nutshell:
Journalist Doctorow explores how technology is getting worse and offers ideas for what can be done to reverse the trend.

Best for:
Anyone is real tired of shit like having to subscribe to be able to print something from a printer they own.

Quote that made me think:
“Companies abuse you if they can get away with it. That’s the crux of enshitification”

“A world without regulation is a catastrophe.”

Why I chose it:
It’s been catching my eye every time I’m in a bookstore but it’s hard back still, so I decided to read the audio version.

Review:
I don’t even know where to start. Doctorow is a great writer, but the main reason this is a four star rating is because I’m still not sure about the ‘and what to do about it’ part of the subtitle of the book. He does a fantastic job of describing all the ways and reasons for the failures of corporations and technology, but the solutions as usual seem to lie in having better people making laws and regulations, and having the workers organize.

The book talks about companies you’d expect – Google, Apple, Meta, uber – and how much they really do suck. For him, enshitification has three steps:
– A company starts out optimizing for its customers. This is the cool part, when companies actually care about the people they are building the product for.
– As a company gets success, they start to optimize for the business, at the expense of the users / customers.
– Finally, the company chooses to optimize for shareholders at the expense of everyone.

And the bigger the companies get, the worse it is. As opposed to ‘too big to fail,’ Doctorow says these companies get ‘too big to care.’ We have effective monopolies on certain things – especially in the social media sphere because the original product helped people connect to others, and they don’t want to lose the ability to stay connected. I meant that’s why I returned to Instagram after a year break – I was bummed that I was missing out on seeing what was going on in the lives of my friends who live overseas. And there isn’t an alternative that they all use.

This review can’t go into all the interesting things I learned (and hopefully I correctly understood), but here are a couple of times I didn’t know but made me feel gross:
– Amazon requires those who sell on their site to sell it at the same price elsewhere. And Amazon shipping costs companies a ton, so sales on Amazon not only suck for the company but also suck for all of us because even if we don’t buy it on Amazon, Amazon influences it.
– App stores take a 30% cut of everything sold through apps. THIRTY PERCENT. Now I understand why I have to buy books on the Libro FM website and can’t buy any through the app — it’s to save that 30%. Gross.

There’s also a huge part of the book focused on right to repair and digital rights that is also infuriating. The anecdote about a ‘carve out’ to allow blind people the ability to convert digital books to be used with adaptive technology is especially farcical.

My biggest take-away isn’t necessary that capitalism is the cause of all this (though, I mean, it’s a big part of the problem), but that our governments are completely failing on this front. There needs to be much stronger regulation as well as much more freedom for the consumers. Which is hard to focus on right now for lots of us since many are fighting for other rights (like the right to not be shot or disappeared by ICE agents, or the right to not be forced to give birth, or the right to have safe workplaces).

There is a lot in this book, and the audio version is read by the author, which I don’t usually see in these types of books, so that was fun. His tone and delivery were needed given the gravity of the topic.

Would I recommend it to its target audience:
Absolutely.

Two Stars

In a nutshell:
A pandemic has hit, and London is in full total lockdown (like, checkpoints and military shooting people who aren’t supposed to be there lockdown). While building a temporary hospital, contractors discover bones that were not there the day before.

Best for:
I’m not sure.

Quote that made me think:
N/A

Why I chose it:
I’ve been mostly enjoying this author this year and this one was available from the library.

Review:
Wooof. So this book had so much potential, but I struggled to finish it. It starts with a note from the author, where he shares that he wrote this book years before the COVID pandemic but no one was interested in it. Then, when the pandemic hit, he tried again and it was published. And I sort of get why publishers would be interested in a book set in a pandemic that doesn’t seem to be exactly ABOUT the pandemic, but this wasn’t great.

The main character is a detective who is about to leave the force. Like, in two days. I can’t even recall his name, but he is estranged from his wife and just done with the job. But he is called to a scene where bones of what turns out to be a young child have been dropped. The story itself goes on with some different point of view chapters, including from someone involved in the murder, and one of the forensic investigators.

The issues I had were with the language choices and character choices the author makes. The child in question turns out to be a young Chinese girl with a facial difference (cleft palate). I genuinely don’t understand why the author felt the need for that to be a defining characteristic, and why he repeatedly had characters talk about how ‘ugly’ the girl must have been. The fuck? What purpose does that serve? Even if they wanted the character to have a standout feature, why make it a facial difference that they would all then hammer home? It’s just weird.

And then there was the forensic officer who uses a wheelchair, and all sorts of language choices and descriptors that I would maybe expect to find in a book written in the 70s, not one published in the 2020s. Their inability to walk does play into the plot of the book at least, but the way the character is treated left me feeling icky.

The background discussion of the pandemic was interesting, especially the distribution of flu treatment, the dire situation in hospitals, and the very serious lockdown rules. IT was much more drastic than the COVID rules, showing how different things might have been with an even deadlier virus. But the rest of the book was not for me.

Would I recommend it to its target audience:
No, because I think it is a bit insulting to the reader.