ASK Musings

Four Stars

Best for:
Those who enjoyed the first book.

In a nutshell:
Elizabeth’s ex-husband — also a former spy — is in a safe house, accused of having stolen diamonds from a criminal he’s investigating. Then, he and his handler are killed, and the diamonds are nowhere to be found. Also, Ibrahim has been mugged.

Worth quoting:
N/A (Audio book)

Why I chose it:
I loved the first one.

What it left me feeling:
Surprised.

Review:
So, you don’t NEED to have read the first book to enjoy this one, but I think it helps because the characters are so well built out there. Plus, this book takes place only six weeks after the ending of the first book. These folks have had a busy few months!

This book followed a fairly similar formula to the first one – some chapters are standard narrator perspective, some are Joyce’s journal entries. There are twists and turns and unexpected situations. There are also deeper story lines, like how Ibrahim handles being mugged, and how the situation fills him with fear after he’s finally gotten comfortable being out in the world. Or the storyline related to Joyce making bracelets to raise money for a dementia charity, knowing Elizabeth’s husband has dementia.

I figured out one small part of it before the characters did, which I appreciate. I’m not a fan where the twists are so out there that the reader could never guess at them. I also enjoyed that there continued to be character development, and we learned more about the main people. They have lives and hobbies and sadness and joy. They aren’t just murder-solving automatons.

Obviously I’ll be getting book three this weekend.

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
Recommend

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Four Stars

Best for:
Fans of historical fiction. Those who enjoy a book that spans time.

In a nutshell:
Tom Hazard has been alive since the 1500s. He’s trying to find his daughter while staying below the radar of those who want to know more about his condition.

Worth quoting:
“The progress of humanity seemed to be measured in the distance we placed between ourselves and nature.”

“That’s the thing with time, isn’t it? It’s not all the same. Some days — some years — some decades — are empty. There is nothing to them. It’s just flat water. And then you come across a year, or even a day, or an afternoon. And it is everything. It is the whole thing.”

Why I chose it:
I enjoyed his book ‘The Midnight Library.’

What it left me feeling:
Contemplative

Review:
Tom Hazard has a condition. It’s a genetic one, where once he hit puberty his aging slowed dramatically. While he was born in the late 1500s, by the 2020s he’s only looking like he’s in his early 40s. This creates problems, as you can imagine – not quite the level of vampire, but still. After a few years (8, according to The Society, which watches over and helps people with Tom’s condition) they need to move on to avoid being caught. In the 1600s-1800s, the danger was death due to claims of witchcraft; by the 1900s the concern is more scientific interest.

Tom had a love once – Rose. And he had — possibly has — a daughter. She inherited his condition, but he hasn’t seen her since the early 1600s. Looking for her is the main thing that keeps him going (people with his condition can die from violent injury, but they aren’t susceptible to things like colds or the plague until much much later in their lives). He also is supported by The Society, and occasionally has to run errands for them, when people like him are discovered, The Society wants to bring them into their fold and keep them from going public. (The head of The Society reminds me a bit of Magneto.)

I enjoy stories like this one, because I think it’s fascinating to consider, not necessarily immortality (though that’s usually what allows for stories like this to be told), but living so long that one witnesses so much of history. We’ve been living through a whole lot of history these past few years, but can you imagine having lived through COVID-19, and the flu pandemic of 1918 … and the plague? Seeing the fires in California in the recent drought years, as well as the 1666 fire in London? How would that affect you? Especially where romantic and family connections are concerned. Unless you found someone with the same condition to love and who loved you, you’d just have to try to go through life not drawing attention to yourself. You could make friends for a few years, but then come up with an excuse to disappear. Not the hardest thing to do in the 1700s, but now? With cameras everywhere? With social media? How would that work?

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
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Three Stars

Best for:
People without a background in architecture who are interested in learning about the different styles they see around London.

In a nutshell:
Author Rogers provides two-page overviews of major architectural landmarks across the (primarily northern part of) London.

Worth quoting:
N/A

Why I chose it:
I was in a museum bookshop and had seen it before. Also, I find so much of London architecture interesting, but also a lot of it pretty depressing.

What it left me feeling:
Far-sighted (the font is super tiny)

Review:
This 250-page book is printed in two colors, which is my first issue. I get why they did it – I believe that full color would be super expensive. At the same time – black and white pictures of buildings in a book on architecture just isn’t sufficient. I want to see the detail and how it really looks. So right away, I was a bit bummed.

Author Rogers breaks the book down into architectural eras / styles: 17th century, Georgian, Victorian, Edwardian, Moder, New Elizabethan, and Contemporary. Within each era he picks maybe 15 buildings to focus on, and starts with one page of information that sums of the style of the era. Each building has a black and white photograph and an overview paragraph, along with the location, date, and architects. On the opposite page are detailed drawings of different relevant aspects of the building – sometimes it’s the floor plan, or the facade, or some other notable feature. Each of those features has a paragraph (in seriously tiny font) providing further information. At the end of each section is a map of London pointing out where to find each of the previously discussed buildings.

I enjoyed reading through this, though I definitely did not read every bit in detail, as there was a LOT of information to take in. I enjoyed reading about the buildings that I was familiar with (including one that I go to for work on occasion). But there was both a lot of information and not quite as much as I hoped there would be. I think maybe I would have enjoyed more up front information about each era? More of a discussion around the different places it could be found, not just the specific highlighted buildings? Also, as someone who lives in South London, I did find it annoying that there were very few buildings included that were more than a block south of the Thames.

Finally, for me, and I know taste is subjective, but the New Elizabethan style? Ooof, that is not for me. I find those buildings depressing as hell to look at.

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
Keep (for reference)

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Five Stars

Best for:
Fans of cleverly constructed who done its.

In a nutshell:
A group of retirees investigate the murders of contractors planning to expand their retirement community.

Worth quoting:
N/A (Audio book)

Why I chose it:
I think the second or third book in this series was recently released, and I keep seeing this everywhere. I decided to see if I could enjoy a fiction audio book. Turns out I can.

What it left me feeling:
Impressed

Review:
What fun. Which, I know, weird thing to say about a murder mystery, but that’s literally what I uttered – out loud – as I listened to the credits.

Elizabeth, Ibrahim, Ron, and Joyce are retirees living in a community. On Thursdays, they meet to discuss old unsolved murders. Ian and Tony are contractors who are looking to expand the retirement community, which includes moving a cemetery. Donna and Chris are local police officers.

I can’t say much more about the plot without spoiling it, so instead I’ll speak to something I very much enjoyed about this book: the development of characters who are older / elderly.

I’ve already mentioned in at least one other review this year that my parents are getting older, and I think as I age myself I’m getting more conscious of the media out there that depicts older adults. I loved Grace and Frankie because it treated people in their 70s as fully functional, complex, interesting people, not just grandparents whose minds are slipping. I think so much of our media (in the US and UK at least) focuses on the young (obviously) and the middle aged, but sort of forgets about people who have retired.

Not author Osman. He’s written characters who are widowed, divorced, married. People who had rich working lives and who are trying to sort out how to enjoy this stage of their lives. People with children nearby, people without children, people with children living elsewhere. That isn’t the primary focus of the book of course – there is murder to solve! – but I got a real sense of who these people were when they were younger, as well as who they are now. And who they are as individuals, not in relation to / in a role of parent or spouse. Smart people, who use the fact that they are often overlooked to their advantage. That’s not something I recall having seen done successfully, and I look forward to reading the next books in the series.

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
Recommend to a Friend

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Four Stars

Best for:
People who liked all those hygge books that came out a few years back. Suckers for tactile, pretty books.

In a nutshell:
Author Dunne offers tips based in her Swedish upbringing, which she says was heavily influenced by lagom.

Worth quoting:
“There is no bad weather, only bad clothes.” (Allegedly an old Swedish saying?)

Why I chose it:
I mean, the size? The cover? Fun little tips for life? Sign me up.

What it left me feeling:
A bit inspired

Review:
This book is not going to change my life. It’s a fun little book, filled with tips based on the idea of balance that the author says is a key part of why folks in Sweden consistently rate as some of the happiest in the world.

Dunne applies this concept to seven aspects of life: work, food, design, health, friends, environment, and ‘life.’ In each of the chapters she shares tips, refers to some aspects of Swedish culture (such as fika, which is sort of like elevenses, but not?). The main concept here is that there is a balance and moderation to life, but not in a deprivational way. More in a ‘think before you speak, but say what you mean’ sort of way, if that makes sense.

I am a total sucker for books like this. They’re fun, they’re cute, they’re easy to read. But I’d also love to hear from folks from Sweden – is this a thing? Is this bullshit? Is this just published to make money off of people like me?

If so … well done!

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
Keep it

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Four Stars

Best for:
Those interested in a very different perspective on not just the British royal family overall, but how life in it has impacted Prince Harry and his family.

In a nutshell:
Member of the British Royal family, second child to Princess Diana and Prince Charles (hence ‘spare’,) provide insight into his childhood, young adulthood, and adulthood, focusing often on the machinations of the British press (and his family’s complicity).

Worth quoting:
I mean, there’s a lot here, but everyone’s focused on him talking about his frost-nipped todger.

Why I chose it:
I live in the UK but am from the US. I think people are disgusting when it comes to Meghan Markle. I also watched their Netflix documentary and found them to be sweet people who clearly care deeply for each other.

What it left me feeling:
Annoyance (at the press)

Review:
Look, lets be clear: Prince Harry is not anti-monarchy. This book is not here to bring down his father, or The Crown, or anything like that. He barely even acknowledges the colonialism that underpins all things British and led to him having the role he had until he was kicked out (though he does acknowledge it, along with the financial costs and potential benefits to taxpayers). And obviously, in general, he has a privilege and has led a life that very, very few people could ever have. If one only has energy to hear one story about someone to gain a sense of life on earth, this is not it.

But there’s something else here. I’ve seen plenty of headlines of news articles and reviews saying ‘poor little rich boy,’ telling him he needs therapy, not a memoir, but kudos to the ghostwriter, because Prince Harry sounds like someone who has done a lot of work to process a lot of trauma and a lot of just … weird life experiences that make it challenging to live in the ‘real world,’ especially when all of the financial and security support that made his life function has been pulled away. I don’t always agree with what he has done (and neither does he), and I can’t take all of this as gospel truth, but it definitely paints a vivid picture.

The book is broken up into small chapters across three parts – childhood, military and beyond, and Meghan. The childhood section obviously talks about his mother’s death and the anger he felt over the press’s role in that (which they still vehemently deny, but come on). But it also talks about how stories about him as a teen ended up covered in the press. The example that stuck out to me was how he broke his thumb playing rugby, and the papers covered it like he was deeply, seriously injured and was staying in hospital. The take-away I have is that most of what they print is utter bullshit, but even when there is a hint of truth, the media elaborate and make up something much more sensational.

Prince Harry talks about times when he was wrong, like the choice to wear the Nazi costume, or when he referred to a friend using an ethnic slur. I tend to believe he was uneducated and ignorant about the impact, but the sense I get – and obviously its his version, so grain of salt – is that he is someone who learns from his mistakes. He seems to genuinely want to be better, and is constantly trying to get there. He’s obviously got areas where he probably will always be unreachable (abolition of the monarchy, for example), but I believe there is some thought there.

The second part focuses heavily on his experience in the military. I saw some headlines from ‘military experts’ saying that he shouldn’t have spoken the way he did, but I think he provided both a glimpse into war, and also an idea of what war can be like for members of the military. It wasn’t glamorized in my view, though I don’t think there was enough discussion of the harms to the civilians. I do think he recognizes the harm it causes those who fight, and he has suffered from PTSD from it, and seeks to help others (via the Invictus Games).

Part three is probably what most people are interested in – his courtship of and marriage to Meghan Markle. There’s not a ton of new things there if you watched the Netflix documentary, in terms of their interpersonal relationship.

But the theme through all of this, as I note at the top, is the British press. Writing articles about any children, regardless of who their parents are, seems pretty gross, frankly. And his family’s unwillingness to refute anything having to do with him (though they will refute things having to do with his brother and sister-in-law, and his father) does make it look like he was set up to be the fall guy and / or distraction for the rest of the family. His father comes out looking much better than I expected; Prince William and Princess Kate, however, do not. Part of the issues between them and Meghan are, I believe, cultural (US vs UK), but it’s really gross how instead of William and Kate viewing it as tomato / tomahto, they seem to view it as wrong vs right. Like, it’s not crass, or vulgar, or too familiar, to hug one’s sister-in-law. And also, one should respect boundaries. If by default, one person hugs, it’s okay to say hey, I don’t hug. But it’s not okay to say AND ANYONE WHO HUGS EVER IS A PIECE OF TRASH. And that’s how I think the family treated any conflict or disagreement with Meghan’s world view.

Prince Harry talks a lot of about the British press stoking the racism and hatred of Meghan, and that’s just … undeniable. It’s literally true. I mean, in December a man who I will not name (though I did file a complaint against, along with 20,000 other people) wrote an unforgivable piece that was actually published in the Scum where he talked about how he hated Meghan ‘at a cellular level’ and he was excited for her to get the Cercei treatment (but actually spelling it out). What has she done wrong? She was an actress, she’s and activist, and she married a guy. Like, everyone needs to calm down. Its just … it’s fucking weird.

Anyway, I found the book to be insightful, and I think it’s worth a read if you’re curious.

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
Recommend to a Friend

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Three Stars

Best for:
Women at the start of their midlife.

In a nutshell:
Author Calhoun explores the unique challenges that Gen X women are facing as they enter and continue through midlife.

Worth quoting:
“But Gen Xers entered life with ‘having it all’ not as a bright new option but as a mandatory social condition.”

“The last think we need at this stage of life is self-help…What we need at this stage isn’t more advice, but solace.”

Why I chose it:
Well, by most accounts I am Gen X. I’m in my 40s. And things are getting fucking hard.

How it left me feeling:
Seen

Review:
Without getting into too much detail, my visit to see my parents over New Year was stressful in a new way. They are in their 70s, and with that comes some of the expected challenges. I live about 6,000 miles from them, and my sibling lives about 3,000 miles from them, so that’s something else added into the mix. During a quick outing one day, my partner and I popped into a bookstore and this book damn near jumped off the shelves into my hand.

Calhoun looks at so many different aspects of what life is like for middle-aged Gen Xers, and I appreciate that she’s clear that it isn’t all bad. There is a lot that we have going well for us, but there are a lot of issues that she argues are unique to our generation – that won’t impact Millenials the same way, for example. A lot of the focus is on how the expectations have not matched reality, and she argues that Millenials don’t have the same types of expectations, which on the one hand, bummer, but on the other hand, allows them to age with a more realistic outlook on what is reasonable to expect out of life.

The book could feel defeatist in the hands of a less talented author, but the way Calhoun shares the stories of those she has interviewed, and mixes it with her research into what middle-aged women are experiencing, makes it feel more hopeful (in a realistic way). She shares some of her own stories too, but the focus is on other women and how they’re navigating the discrepancy between what they thought their life would be (and what society has told them it SHOULD be), and what it actually is. She doesn’t provide a bunch of tips or solutions, save the big one, which is to adjust one’s expectations. That sounds like a total bummer reading it in just this tiny review, but in the context of the book? It felt pretty great to read.

The only area that rubbed me the wrong way was the choice she made to heavily quote from a male ‘expert’ when talking about divorce. That guy had some … interesting takes. I’m still baffled as to why it was included.

Calhoun interviewed over 200 women across demographics to inform this book, though she shares that it is primarily focused on middle-class women because, “Very poor women in this country bear additional burdens that are beyond the scope of a book this size. Very rich women have plenty of reality TV shows about them already.” So the reader knows that, like, obviously the women this book is aimed at will have different challenges than people who have very little money. I appreciate that the book doesn’t try to be all things to all women, and I also appreciate that within the economic boundaries she set, the author spoke to women of different races, sexualities, and career fields, along with women who are partnered, single, have children, and don’t.

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
Keep and recommend to friends by age.

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Four Stars

Best for:
Those who enjoy a well done love triangle that doesn’t consume the main character.

In a nutshell:
In the late 90s, writer Casey is working in a restaurant, trying to finish a novel six years in the making, and processing the recent sudden death of her mother.

Worth quoting:
“I think of all the people playing roles, getting further and further away from themselves, from what moves them, what stirs them all up inside.”

“You don’t realize how much effort you’ve put into covering things up until you try to dig them out.”

Why I chose it:
This was a gift from my partner.

How it left me feeling:
Satisfied.

Review:
What a lovely book.

Casey is in her early 30s, works at a fancy restaurant in Boston, and lives in a small room adjacent to a house. Her mother has recently died suddenly, she’s in serious student loan debt, and she’s trying to finish her first novel – one she’s been working on for six years. She’s also dealing with a recent heartbreak.

Which, of course, means that a couple of very different suitors come into her life. Both are writers, one is fairly older, a widower, and has two young children; the other is closer to her age, and teaches high school. Things move on from there.

This book spends a lot of time on her feelings for men, but not as much as one might expect from the title. The book is really about Casey and how she is handling all the things going on in her life. There is a lot of discussion and demonstration of grief over losing a parent, and the stress of trying to make it in one’s chosen profession. Not to mention, a lot of discussion of the challenges of student debt and the anxiety that creates.

As I said, this book is set before mobile phones, and that factors in – there are a lot of missed calls and messages left, which would be a bit more challenges to play out if this took place in the 2020s.

There were some parts that I wasn’t a huge fan of, but they are specific to some things going on in my personal life, as opposed to an issue with the writing or plot itself, so I don’t feel the need to speak to them in this review.

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
Recommend and Donate it.

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Three Stars

Best for:
Fans of the actress.

In a nutshell:
Actress Jennifer Grey – best known for her role as Baby in Dirty Dancing – shares stories from her life, from childhood until now.

Worth quoting:
N/A

Why I chose it:
Someone was raving about it.

How it left me feeling:
Ambivalent.

Review:
How does one handle having a major success in their field and then ultimately not being able to reproduce it? What is it like when people who don’t know you are commenting on how you look, and making assumptions about you? And when telling one’s own story, how much of what other people have shared or confided can be shared in something as public as a memoir?

I think most of us know Jennifer Grey from her iconic role in Dirty Dancing, though some might recognize her as the recast Mindy character on Friends, who ended up marrying Rachel’s ex Barry, or as Ferris Bueller’s long-suffering sister Jeannie. In real life, she is the daughter of Broadway royalty, and also dated many of the hottest actors in the 80s, including Matthew Broderick and Johnny Depp.

One thing many people might recognize is that she had a nose job. She talks about this extensively at the start of her book, and provides context and background that I think most people just didn’t know, and judged her on. I found that to be interesting, because so much is fraught when it comes to talking about appearance, especially when it seems like someone has made changes to their appearance to meet certain white western beauty standards. But also … its her own face? Even if she had wanted the nose she ended up with (spoiler alert: she didn’t), why is that really any of our business?

Something that stood out to me most though was more of a meta observation about the nature of memoirs. It is someone telling their own story, as they remember it, with sometimes years or decades of time passing from when an incident occurred and when they are sharing their reflections. It’s their story, of course, and they get to own it, but I do think about how fair is it to people who may have passed in and out of their lives — possibly playing a major part, possibly just sharing one small but what they considered intimate moment — that their lives are shared as well?

For example, Matthew Broderick does not come off particularly well in this book, but the stories are about a relationship they had 30+ years ago. Is her recollection accurate? And even if it is, is there any space to consider how he might have changed in those 30 years? Do people, when reading these books, allow for that type of growth, or will they think Broderick of the 1980s is the same as Broderick of the 2020s? Does that matter? Should it?

I’ve read loads of memoirs (13 last year alone) but this was one of the times where those questions really stood out to me.

I didn’t know much about Grey before reading this book, and I don’t think I have much of a changed opinion of her. She’s been through some things, had some absurd adventures, and seems to really know herself as she enters her 60s. So that’s cool. She also talks extensively about motherhood, and stopping working as an actress to raise her daughter as an older first-time parent, and people with children might relate heavily to that. While I’m not sure I’d recommend this, I think people who are fans will find it interesting.

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
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