ASK Musings

Three Stars

Best for:
People who like mysteries set around Christmastime.

In a nutshell:
Detective Erlendur is called to investigate a murder that took place at a hotel a week before Christmas.

Worth quoting:
N/A

Why I chose it:
I’m enjoying having something somewhat easy to read in between more substantial books. That sounds like an insult, but I don’t mean it that way at all.

Review:
I said in my last review that I was hoping this author wasn’t committed to having women always (only?) be the victims of the crimes his detective investigates, and I got my wish with this one. While a woman does play a prominent role in the investigation, the story involves the murder of a man who was formerly a renowned choirboy.

This story definitely has a more claustrophobic feel than the previous two books. Erlendur spends the duration of the novel staying in the hotel where the murder took place, taking his meals, meeting with his daughter, and of course, investigating the crime. It’s snowing out, Christmas is approaching, and there’s both a sense of urgency and a sense of calm in the book.

The book also does an interesting job of exploring the expectations families put on children, and how when they may not live up to those expectations — either by circumstances, or by choice — parents can be cruel in response. It also looks at how people who are perceived as being different are treated, both as children and as adults. Kind of a lot of a mystery, eh?

It took my a month to read the book, but not because it was a hard read. I just had to allow myself the time to get into it – this can’t be a book you read a couple of chapters at a time – this is a good book to pick up at lunch and commit to reading all afternoon.

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Three Stars

Best for:
People who know who Laura Clery is (I’m guessing); people who like a good story about overcoming addiction; people who read The Secret.

In a nutshell:
Writer / actress Laura Clery’s memoir shares stories of trying to make it in Hollywood.

Worth quoting:
N/A

Why I chose it:
I generally love memoirs, especially read by the author. In reality I probably should have passed it by when I saw the title, but I didn’t really even process that until I started writing this review.

Review:
Hmmm. This book might have been two stars now that I’m done with it, but I think three stars is warranted as I was definitely entertained, and at times moved. The writing is good, and the delivery of the audio book is good. Just overall the content at times was a bit rough, though mostly at the end. So maybe that’s the problem?

First, I should say that I am not at all familiar with the author – I’d not heard of her until her book showed up in the Google Play recommendations. I’ve still not sought out her work as it’s probably not my thing. The author moved to Los Angeles right after high school, then moved to New York, eventually settling back in LA. She was in an abusive relationship for years (and is able to discuss it with the seriousness it deserves while also keeping the reader entertained and interjecting jokes where possible and appropriate). She has had very substance use disorders, and has found AA to be helpful in maintaining her sobriety.

Here’s where I think I was lost – the discussion about Marianne Williamson’s philosophy of life, is just too woo woo for me. I think the ‘law of attraction’ is utter bullshit and actively harmful as it implies that anyone who is suffering just … didn’t manifest what they wanted hard enough, making pain essentially a personal fault. Not cool.

Also, the title of the book is an ableist slur, so not great.

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Toss it (metaphorically; it’s an audiobook)

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Four Stars

Best for:
Animal lovers. People who like to travel. People who care about the world.

In a nutshell:
Scottish wanderer Nicholson set out to ride his bike throughout Europe and beyond. He found an abandoned kitten and their lives changed.

Worth quoting:
N/A

Why I chose it:
I follow Dean and Nala on Instagram so was aware of the book and happy to support them in their travels.

Review:
Like many of Dean and Nala’s social media followers (@1bike1world on Instagram), I discovered them when a video of them was put out by The Dodo. (You can watch it here https://www.thedodo.com/videos/our-shows/guy-biking-across-the-world-picks-up-a-stray-kitten) I am a cat lover (I have two ginger tabbies of my own who we brought with us when we moved from the US to the UK) and a sucker for sweet stories.

This book details Dean and Nala’s journey so far, spreading awareness of and support for animal and environmental issues. They’ve sold calendars (and now a book!) to raise money to support animal rescue groups in the countries they visit. It’s also a travelogue, full of tales of their adventures across Europe. It ends right around the start of the pandemic, and there is some legitimate drama in there.

I don’t know what I was expecting from this – a bit of fluff and some sweet pictures, I guess. But this is a legitimately entertaining, sweet, and inspirational book. It’s 250 pages, so while it’s capitalizing on their fame a bit, there’s substance here. There are discussions about animal welfare, explorations of what to do with one’s life, thoughts on what matters. And it’s also really, really hopeful. It’s simple and sweet and frankly so welcome at this moment. It brought me joy and I’ll get more joy out of it in the future, looking over the pictures of this adorable kitten and her Scottish human.

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Three Stars

Best for:
People who like a mystery that you might actually start to be able to solve, but probably won’t. Like, nothing in here was utterly shocking, but it wasn’t so telescoped that I could have written the ending myself.

In a nutshell:
CN for the book: Intimate Partner Violence, Ableism

Detective Erlendur is back. His daughter is in hospital and unconscious, while he tries to solve the mystery of some bones found near a construction site that are likely 60 or more years old. While he works things out, we get a glimpse into what may have happened, until it all comes together.

Worth quoting:
“Spring and summer were not Erlendur’s seasons. Too bright. Too frivolous. He wanted heavy, dark winters.” (Same, Erlendur. Same.)

Why I chose it:
I’m in it now. I think there are like ten books in this series? So buckle up!

Review:
So, I’m not entirely sure how I feel about this author. I think he tells stories well, and he is sensitive to the seriousness of the crimes he whips up for his books. But so far, women in distress have featured heavily – the first book involved sexual assault; this one involves intimate partner violence. I’m REALLY hoping the next book does not have a woman as the main victim, but we shall see.

A child is discovered gnawing on a toy, which turns out to be a rib, from a skeleton that has been discovered. It is clearly a VERY old body, so the investigation doesn’t any level of urgency. The author solves this, however, by interspersing chapters of the investigation with vignettes from the lives of those who may have been involved in this death. It’s Iceland during WWII, where far outside of Reykjavik, the British have set up barracks. A family lives in a rented shack nearby, with a vicious husband, a scared wife, and three children. Is the skeleton one of theirs? I mean, I knew whose bones I was hoping it was …

We learn a bit more about Erlendur’s colleagues in this one. The guy is in a relationship and is a bit emotionally immature; the woman plays a bit more of a role in this one (interviewing people) and also has a moment with one interviewer that acknowledges the lack of women in her field. I get that, again, the main character is a man, and that’s what I’m here for, but it’d be cool if more of the women around him weren’t experiencing deep amounts of distress.

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Three Stars

Best for:
Fans of murder mysteries set in Iceland.

In a nutshell:
CN: Sexual Assault

Detective Erlendur is called to investigate the murder of an older man. As the investigation unfolds, he discovers a possible link to crimes the victim committed in the past.

Worth quoting:
N/A

Why I chose it:
I like mysteries set in Iceland, and this series comes generally well-reviewed.

Review:
This book didn’t exactly go where I expected it to, but it wasn’t so outlandish that one couldn’t start to figure it out. There are components that feel uniquily Icelandic (which I can’t share because spoilers), but also some common themes one would expect in a crime novel. The entire book focuses on this one murder, but there are a couple of side stories, including an exploration of Erlendur’s relationship with his daughter, who has a substance use disorder.

Indriðason’s writing style is pretty easy to follow, even for someone like me who has only been to Iceland once, is not used to the names and only has a passing understanding of the geography of the area. He’s good at describing a scene (there’s a part where they are looking closely inside a home, and I have such a vivid image of it even now), but also gets dialogue across easily – it doesn’t feel overwritten, and it seems usually like yes, these people would likely say these words. Which frankly isn’t always the case.

I’m not entirely sure how I feel about the Detective. Divorced, absentee father … seems like every other detective I can picture. But he doesn’t seem to be a misogynist or sexist, so that’s a nice change. He is genuinely pissed when he hears about how the sexual assault case was originally handled, and seems to have sympathy and empathy for the women he encounters in the book. But annoyingly pretty much all the women in the book that he encounters are suffering in some way. I mean, it’s a crime novel, so duh. But there is a woman detective – Elinborg – who gets some time in the book and seems competent. I’m hoping she gets more coverage in future books in the series.

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Rating:
4 Stars

Best for:
People who enjoy a quick, unexpected read, a bit in the style of Gone Girl.

In a nutshell:
Violet is a quiet woman who comes from a background of limited means. Stella is a very rich woman (think family money + Instagram influencer glam). They meet at college and become close friends. But that friendship seems reliant on each of them fulfilling their roles, and when one steps out, things get … rough.

Worth quoting:
“It wasn’t that my personality changed when I met Stella. It was that it became, it flourished, because I could say things to Stella that I wouldn’t have said to anone back home – knowing the would only respond with bafflement, or laughter – and she always volleyed right back, sharpening me like a whetstone to a knife.”

Why I chose it:
I wanted a book I couldn’t put down, and this pretty much fit the bill.

Review:
While we get some time learning about their dynamics at university at the start of the book, the focus is on the time in their 20s, where Violet gets a position as an intern at a cable news network, while Stella goes off to travel the world. Violet lives in an apartment that Stella’s family owns, paying minimal rent. She’s always conscious of how she needs to act to try to fit in with Stella’s family (as she is estranged from her own), and feels invisible but is mostly okay with it. However, as she works her way up the ranks at the network, she finds more confidence, and is less reliant on Stella for validation. Then, Stella decides maybe being on-camera is what she wants to do, and she has the connections to make it work. Things evolve from there, and I won’t spoil it, but I was both a bit surprised and intrigued.

I find that my friendships with women (as a woman) – especially ones formed at critical times in life, such as during college – can be extremely intense. I made a friend in graduate school who was basically my other half for a few years. We were nearly always a package deal, showing up to events together, going on adventures (she had a car in NYC!), travelling together. Things eventually cooled a bit as I moved away and she got married and had kids, but we are still close enough that we keep in touch around the really important things. But for awhile, she was basically the person I spoke to every day (that’s right, this was before texting was as prevalent as it is now), and who I relied on for advice. On the occasion that things between us were rough, it was harder than other arguments.

This book looks at one particular type of friendship between women – the kind where the power differential is extremely skewed. Friendships aren’t supposed to be about power, obviously, but I think it’s not too extreme to say that in some friendships, we fulfill certain roles. With some friends, I’m the optimist, always offering a look at the bright side. With others, I’m the one who tends to have a lot of knowledge about certain topics, so certain friends come to me. And in some friendships its the opposite – I find myself seeking out the wisdom and knowledge of others. In the case of Violet and Stella, however, their roles are specifically defined and seemingly unchangeable. And the question of the book is can — or should — their friendship survive when one of them is no longer willing to stay within that role.

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Four Stars

Best for:
Those looking for a deeper look into what misogyny really is.

In a nutshell:
Philosopher Kate Manne explores different definition of misogyny, providing support for her hypotheses with case studies many of us will be familiar with.

Worth quoting:
“Sexism [is] the branch of patriarchal ideology that justifies and rationalizes a patriarchal social order, and misogyny as the system that polices and enforces its governing norms an expectations. So sexism is scientific; misogyny is moralistic.”

Why I chose it:
I love philosophy and philosophical explorations of topics. I don’t love misogyny. Seemed like a good fit.

Review:
I’ve struggled with the difference between sexism and misogyny, and have usually used them interchangeably. I appreciate that with this book, Manne offers up definitions that can be supported with evidence. This is important to me because I think working from shared definitions helps to identify problems as well as work on solutions to them.

If I’ve understood her correctly (and I think I have), sexism is saying that once a woman has a child, it is her duty to stay home to raise the child, because that’s what women do. Misogyny is thinking ill of a woman who has a child but chooses to work outside the home, because she is not fulfilling her role as a woman. One is, as Manne says, ideological; the other is moral.

This definition is useful because misogyny is a thing, it’s a bad thing, and because folks recognize ‘misogyny’ as bad, they will bend themselves in all sorts of shapes to avoid accepting that they – or their actions – have any relation to it. In one of the chapters, Manne talks about how this can lead to a version of the ‘no true Scotsman’ fallacy, where the definition is so narrow as to not apply to anyone. “He has a wife! He loves her! He can’t be a misogynist!.”

Oh, but he can. And actually, she can as well! Because, as Manne argues, to engage in misogyny is to judge and punish women for not fulfilling their roles in our patriarchal society, for not giving what we deem women should give, and for attempting to take what we think men should have. So Mike Pence, say, can very much love his wife, and that love is not in spite of her being a woman. But he is still a misogynist when he judges and condemns women for seeking abortions (as they are not fulfilling their duty as mother / caregiver).

Manne often revisits the case of the Isla Vista guy who published a manifesto about how women were denying him his right to sexual gratification. He went on to kill many people, include men (though his original goal was to massacre a Sorority), before killing himself. In the aftermath, many people said he was ‘troubled’ and ‘mentally ill,’ but not a misogynist, because hey, he mostly killed dudes! But Manne argues throughout that the acts were motivated by misogyny, because the central issue for the Isla Vista killer was that women were giving other men attention that he deserved. The women were failing in their duty to provide him with romantic and sexual attention that was due him as a man. That is a misogynistic view of women.

Another side that Manne explores is the concept of the double standard, where women are judged harshly for being as successful as, or seeking the same roles as men. I tend to think of that as the ‘if she’s assertive, she’s a bitch but if he’s assertive he’s a leader’ idea. Women are not only judged for seeking positions of power outside the roles the patriarchy has decided fit us, but women are then judged for how we perform in those roles, whether that’s being held to an impossible standard or having outright lies made up about us and how we got where we are.

She also looks at how women can express misogynistic views, and spends a fair bit of time on this when looking at Hillary Clinton’s electoral college loss in 2016. So much of the revisiting of the election of 2016 made me angry, and a lot has been written about that time, but I think there are new things, interesting things, said here. Including how so much ink has been spent on what Clinton did wrong, but not nearly as much on what responsibility voters have for the decisions we made, and what role misogyny truly played in her not getting the US Presidency.

I also appreciate one little footnote that addresses the idea of misandry (which, hilariously, the software I’m using to write this review doesn’t recognize as a word). Given her premise that misogyny is based on a judgment of women for not fulfilling their roles as outlined in our patriarchal society, then misandry sort of … can’t exist. Because we don’t live in a matriarchy, so men can’t be judged based on not fulfilling those roles as set out by the matriarchy. Heh.

This book is generally accessible, but it does have a bit of a philosophy-paper vibe to it at times, which might not be familiar to some folks. There are a few phrases in there that I had to look up (clearly in the 10 years that have passed since I got my philosophy degree many things have faded from memory), but overall I think it’s a pretty easy read, given the topic.

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Four Stars

Best for:
Anyone who enjoys clever, interesting essays that will make them laugh.

In a nutshell:
Author Irby is back with her third collection of essays, which cover what her life is like these days, as well as just some hilariously repetitive takes on the exact same phrase.

Worth quoting:
“Sure, sex is fun, but have you ever used a really absorbent towel?”

Why I chose it:
I was looking for a book to listen to while running, and realized I both hadn’t yet read this one AND it was read by the author.

Review:
Usually when I go for runs I listen to the podcast versions of four of the MSNBC weeknight shows so I can stay up with what’s going on back in the US. But it can be super depressing these days, and not exactly motivational when one is training for a half marathon. So I decided for the last few runs leading up to my ‘race’ this week (and by race, I mean I just ran 13.1 miles one morning because the Edinburgh half was once again postponed) I wanted something funny, that could make the time go quickly and also could keep me entertained.

I chose … wisely.

I appreciate Irby’s writing style. She’s honest and self deprecating, but not in the sort of way where one thinks she’s trying to get pity. She’s just clear about how she is, what she likes, and what she doesn’t. She’s not insulting to others who might do things differently – she just lives her life, while telling stories about all the shit in it that has gone wrong (and, occasionally, right).

I definitely like her storytelling, but I also found that some of my favorite chapters and moments in the book were when she would follow a theme and provide just a bunch of funny one-liners. An entire chapter is just, what, like 100 versions of ‘Sure, sex is fun but…’ followed by a lot of mundane yet awesome things. Another chapter is just her repeated saying ‘Hello, 911?’, followed by a problem or situation one definitely should not call 911 about, but secretly people might want to (and actually would just as well if it were ‘Hello, 411?’, though she probably figured that much of her audience wouldn’t remember what 411 even was). Even in a chapter about some issues she had with her uterus, the list of things she would rather do than keep it had me in tears of laughter.

I can definitely see myself listening to this one again.

Keep it / Pass to a Friend / Donate it / Toss it:
Keep it (but I’ll recommend it to friends too)

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