Three Stars

Best for:
People who are childfree by choice, people who have kids but are interested in knowing a bit more about what their childfree friends’ lives are like.

In a nutshell:
Olive is a successful writer in her early 30s (I think) who is going through some major life changes alongside her three friends, all of whom are in various stages of trying to or having children.

Worth quoting:
N/A

Why I chose it:
I’m in a childfree community and saw people talking about this book, so figured I’d check it out.

Review:
SPOILERS because some of the things that bothered me about this book relate to items revealed near the very end.

In some ways this book reminds me of ‘So Thrilled For You’ in that there are four women and they are all in various different stages of life – Bea has three kids, Cecily is about to give birth to her first child, and Isla is going through IVF unsuccessfully. And Olive has just broken up with her boyfriend of nine years because he definitely wants ‘a family’ (ugh, I hate that family somehow only means kids) and she really doesn’t think she wants children.

Look, there are so few positive representations of childfree women in media that I think folks can sometimes be overly generous with the depictions we DO get. And I certainly don’t want to dissuade artists from putting out more content that represents us, but also its so frustrating when the limited media is just not very good.

First off, Olive is successful in her career. Like, kinda weirdly so. Most people aren’t working at that level, and I suppose everyone assumes childfree people focus on their careers but like, we can be mediocre in the workplace too! She’s also really bad at using her words. It’s frustrating, since she’s a successful writer in the book, but she repeatedly refuses to take the opportunity to tell her friends what she needs to say. And it is framed as something always coming up, and Olive making herself smaller for them, but also her friends aren’t mind readers! Like can you imagine not telling your friends your relationship of nine years ended, and sort of blaming it on them being busy with their kids? I mean its possible but it doesn’t ring true to me.

I also hated that Olive walked on so many eggshells with her friends and would ‘admit’ to them being right about things when no, they were just being insensitive. I get the sense the author was trying not to alienate readers with children or who want children, but it felt a bit like trying to ‘both sides’ situations where that just wasn’t necessary. Also, and this is just me maybe, but does everyone get drunk all the time in real life? Like that just has never been my reality. I now have a sober partner, so I drink maybe twice a year, but well before that I wasn’t opening a bottle of wine every night, or getting trashed on a Saturday just for funsies. That’s so unappealing and it seems odd to be such a focus of one’s life. It feels immature, and seemed like a bit of a subtle way to suggest that Olive is immature and that’s why she doesn’t want kids.

I also absolutely loathes the character Iris who led the Childfree By Choice group Olive visits. She was written as a caricature about what a childfree life is all about. Travel! Excitement! Hobbies! And like, sure, but also it’s just a life, and it feels like a weird pressure to put on people without kids that they have to live these extraordinary lives. Again – parents get to be mediocre in all sorts of aspects of their lives. Childfree people should be allowed that grace as well.

The most spoiler-y bit is probably a bit of stretch for some people, but it bugged the shit out of me, and I’m annoyed with the author about it. So we find out near the end that one of the reasons Isla has been so cold towards Olive (despite Olive being the friend who I’d argue is the most supportive of Isla during her fertility struggles) is because ONE TIME, WHILE DRUNK, Olive said she’d be a surrogate for Isla, and Isla was so upset when Olive shared that she was most likely not interested in having children and included in that discussions of her finding giving birth to be not for her. Literally one google search by the author – or even the character Isla – would tell you that someone can’t be a surrogate if they haven’t already had a successful pregnancy. So Olive COULD NOT ever even be a surrogate for Isla, at least not any time in the next probably three or four years, and it would all depend on Olive having a kid first. Like, nothing about that storyline made sense, and it really bugged me.

What I did like about the book was Olive’s genuine quest to learn more about the judgment and the pain childfree people experience. But even though it was ostensibly a focus of the book, I feel like it wasn’t explored nearly enough.

I guess I thought this book was going to be different than it was, which is why the rating is a three instead of a two – that extra star is because I need to manage my own expectations. I just expected and wanted more from this, since it’s like the only book I can find that ostensible was looking at the childfree perspective.

(Side note: maybe remove that Elizabeth Gilbert pull quote from the cover given her latest memoir …)

Four Stars

Best for:
Fans of honest memoirs; those interested in learning more about the lives of child stars.

In a nutshell:
Dancer, actor, singer, songwriter, podcaster Stoner shares the first 25 years or so of their story.

Worth quoting:
“All I have to do is be perfect at everything and look perfect while doing it.”

Why I chose it:
It just sounded interesting, and memoirs are kinda my jam.

Review:
The book itself has myriad content notes, including rape, eating disorders, religious bigotry, and others. Stoner shares them up front, so you can check out the first pages to see if maybe you want to skip this one.

I am a bit too old to be fully familiar with Stoner’s catalog of achievements. Like many people, I know them from their turn as the young dancer in Missy Elliott’s ‘Work It’ music video. But they apparently were a Disney channel star, voicing many roles, and co-staring in films like Camp Rock, Cheaper by the Dozen, and the Step Up films.

Stoner is non-binary and queer, using they/them pronouns, but the book, while addressing their sexuality, doesn’t really talk at all about their gender identity. I saw that this was referenced in an article about the book, and Stoner said there was just so much to fit into this memoir that adding in their gender journey was just too much to include. So perhaps that’ll be coming soon. And if they do write that book, I’ll read it.

Stoner’s life as a child start began at age 6 and never really stopped. Their mother took the family from Ohio to California, where Stoner was separated from their father, and instead lived with their step-father, who eventually was physically and emotionally abusive. They also had to navigate, all as a child, the brutal world of the entertainment industry. They were aware at a very early age of how many people relied on them for their livelihoods, which is such a burden to put on a child.

They discuss the challenges of never quite being a ‘star’ but still being a steadily working artist, and the pressures of having to be ‘on’ all the time, referring often to their inner publicist. They talk about their Christian faith, and their experience of losing friends in that faith when they came out as queer. For someone who felt the need to mask their true identity for their entire childhood, Stoner clearly has learned about their true self, and is so honest and eloquent in telling their story.

At one point we learn that their mother and business team has essentially taken all of their money, with their mother paying herself a salary she no longer needs. They maturity Stoner shows throughout these trials is impressive for someone twice their age. The title is clever but also very true – Stoner comes across as someone who has done a lot of work to figure out who they are, what they want, and what their values are, and they are trying to live that life. Including advocating for much better conditions for current child actors, musicians, and social media stars, which is amazing.

Three Stars

Best for:
Anyone interested in becoming a football (soccer – but I’ll be calling it football for the rest of the review) referee; anyone who enjoys watching football but isn’t actually clear on what the rules are; anyone who thinks its super easy to be a referee.

In a nutshell:
The official laws of the game of football, along with descriptions of rule changes, and practical advice for referees.

Worth quoting:
“The best positions is one from which the referee can make the correct decision.”

Why I chose it:
I am a new football referee (eight matches in as of today), and I wanted the tactile book of laws to consult, highlight, and go back to.

Review:
Watching Ted Lasso, the character Keeley makes mention at some point that she doesn’t really pay attention to what’s going on during the match, but knows to shout ‘referee’ in exasperation / anger when something doesn’t go her team’s way. I think anyone who watches football on TV or in person (including myself) has exclaimed at a perceived bad call.

I played football off and on for over 30 years, with my final season in goal ending in June of this year. Prior to that, I took and passed the referee course, because I knew I wanted to stay involved in football but couldn’t keep throwing my body on the ground week after week (I was a goal keeper). And let me tell you – being a referee is fucking HARD.

This book outlines the 17 laws (rules) of the most popular sport in the world. From the size of the pitch, to the ball, to the players, to offside and everything in between, these 100 pages describe what should be the same no matter where and when someone plays a game. In reality, as we all know, each referee uses their own experience and judgment to determine calls. Just today, for example, I refereed 14 year old girls. There was definitely some pushing, but fouling? Eh. At one point I awarded a penalty to a team. The defenders lost it. At the end, the keeper told me I needed to go back to school to learn about penalties. And don’t get me started on trying to call offside without having assistant referees (shockingly, I do not have eyes in the back of my head).

While observers will think its super obvious what is a foul and what is not, or what is offside and what is not, the laws as discussed in this book are both crystal clear and dependent on the circumstances of the match. Is that a foul just because the person jostling for the ball is stronger than their opponent and so is using more force? Is someone actually being careless, or reckless (and thus needs to be cautioned, a.k.a. shown a yellow card)? And when a player loses it and cusses on the pitch, when should they be cautioned for dissent and when should I let it go because they are just expressing some frustration?

The laws cover the standard items, but also a lot of weird situations that possibly could come up. Like, there is an explanation for what to do if someone someone taking a corner kick manages to touch the ball a second time before anyone else … with their hand … in the opposite end of the pitch. Has this ever happened? It must have.

I appreciate that the book also includes explanations for changes to laws from the previous year, as well as tips on positioning and common sense, plus a glossary. Obviously I’m not going to whip it out during a match, but I’ll be reviewing it every week before matches.

Four Stars

Best for:
People who don’t mind reading about horrible people, and who like a bit of schadenfreude.

In a nutshell:
Anthony – a very rich finance dude – dies at his 60th birthday gala. Was he murdered? Did he take his own life? Is something else going on?

Worth quoting:
“He’d always thought I was an idiot. It’s a mistake men often make, thinking their wives are stupid when they’re actually just full of rage.”

“Who are these people who walk through the world with such little interest in what’s really going on?”

Why I chose it:
I enjoyed her previous book “How to Kill Your Family.”

Review:
MINOR SPOILERS AHEAD

Really no one in this book is super-likeable. Even the character we are probably meant to relate to most – ‘the sleuth’ trying to solve the possible murder of Anthony – is somewhat annoying and kinda unremarkable. But I still enjoyed it once I realized I wasn’t actually rooting for anyone. To use a sports analogy: you know when both the teams playing each other are teams you don’t like and you’re like ugh, why can’t they both lose? Well, that’s sort of how this book goes – everyone loses!

The minor spoiler here is that while Anthony dies at the start of the book, we still get his perspective because he goes to purgatory to try to remember how he died. In this version of reality, people who die go to a holding center where they need to recall their death before they move on to whatever comes next. And while there, they can actually watch their family members. Wild, eh? So while we only get point of view chapters from three characters, we still can see what others are doing if they are family members.

Anthony’s wife Olivia is another vile character. Anthony and Olivia actually quite deserve each other – they’re both genuinely horrible people who delight in the misery of those who don’t have their wealth or status, playing games with peoples lives. Gross, right? They feel like caricatures but for some reason, for me at least, it totally works. Anthony and Olivia also have four kids, ranging in age from 17-28, and there are various partners and other side characters we follow along as well to try to sort out why Anthony died.

I know the world is an absolute dumpster fire right now, and sometimes to offset that I look for a book that really explores how complex the world is, and how people can be so good. But sometimes I also just want to lean into it and hate on the super wealthy. This book scratches that itch,