Four Stars

Best for:
Fans of honest memoirs; those interested in learning more about the lives of child stars.

In a nutshell:
Dancer, actor, singer, songwriter, podcaster Stoner shares the first 25 years or so of their story.

Worth quoting:
“All I have to do is be perfect at everything and look perfect while doing it.”

Why I chose it:
It just sounded interesting, and memoirs are kinda my jam.

Review:
The book itself has myriad content notes, including rape, eating disorders, religious bigotry, and others. Stoner shares them up front, so you can check out the first pages to see if maybe you want to skip this one.

I am a bit too old to be fully familiar with Stoner’s catalog of achievements. Like many people, I know them from their turn as the young dancer in Missy Elliott’s ‘Work It’ music video. But they apparently were a Disney channel star, voicing many roles, and co-staring in films like Camp Rock, Cheaper by the Dozen, and the Step Up films.

Stoner is non-binary and queer, using they/them pronouns, but the book, while addressing their sexuality, doesn’t really talk at all about their gender identity. I saw that this was referenced in an article about the book, and Stoner said there was just so much to fit into this memoir that adding in their gender journey was just too much to include. So perhaps that’ll be coming soon. And if they do write that book, I’ll read it.

Stoner’s life as a child start began at age 6 and never really stopped. Their mother took the family from Ohio to California, where Stoner was separated from their father, and instead lived with their step-father, who eventually was physically and emotionally abusive. They also had to navigate, all as a child, the brutal world of the entertainment industry. They were aware at a very early age of how many people relied on them for their livelihoods, which is such a burden to put on a child.

They discuss the challenges of never quite being a ‘star’ but still being a steadily working artist, and the pressures of having to be ‘on’ all the time, referring often to their inner publicist. They talk about their Christian faith, and their experience of losing friends in that faith when they came out as queer. For someone who felt the need to mask their true identity for their entire childhood, Stoner clearly has learned about their true self, and is so honest and eloquent in telling their story.

At one point we learn that their mother and business team has essentially taken all of their money, with their mother paying herself a salary she no longer needs. They maturity Stoner shows throughout these trials is impressive for someone twice their age. The title is clever but also very true – Stoner comes across as someone who has done a lot of work to figure out who they are, what they want, and what their values are, and they are trying to live that life. Including advocating for much better conditions for current child actors, musicians, and social media stars, which is amazing.

Three Stars

Best for:
Anyone interested in becoming a football (soccer – but I’ll be calling it football for the rest of the review) referee; anyone who enjoys watching football but isn’t actually clear on what the rules are; anyone who thinks its super easy to be a referee.

In a nutshell:
The official laws of the game of football, along with descriptions of rule changes, and practical advice for referees.

Worth quoting:
“The best positions is one from which the referee can make the correct decision.”

Why I chose it:
I am a new football referee (eight matches in as of today), and I wanted the tactile book of laws to consult, highlight, and go back to.

Review:
Watching Ted Lasso, the character Keeley makes mention at some point that she doesn’t really pay attention to what’s going on during the match, but knows to shout ‘referee’ in exasperation / anger when something doesn’t go her team’s way. I think anyone who watches football on TV or in person (including myself) has exclaimed at a perceived bad call.

I played football off and on for over 30 years, with my final season in goal ending in June of this year. Prior to that, I took and passed the referee course, because I knew I wanted to stay involved in football but couldn’t keep throwing my body on the ground week after week (I was a goal keeper). And let me tell you – being a referee is fucking HARD.

This book outlines the 17 laws (rules) of the most popular sport in the world. From the size of the pitch, to the ball, to the players, to offside and everything in between, these 100 pages describe what should be the same no matter where and when someone plays a game. In reality, as we all know, each referee uses their own experience and judgment to determine calls. Just today, for example, I refereed 14 year old girls. There was definitely some pushing, but fouling? Eh. At one point I awarded a penalty to a team. The defenders lost it. At the end, the keeper told me I needed to go back to school to learn about penalties. And don’t get me started on trying to call offside without having assistant referees (shockingly, I do not have eyes in the back of my head).

While observers will think its super obvious what is a foul and what is not, or what is offside and what is not, the laws as discussed in this book are both crystal clear and dependent on the circumstances of the match. Is that a foul just because the person jostling for the ball is stronger than their opponent and so is using more force? Is someone actually being careless, or reckless (and thus needs to be cautioned, a.k.a. shown a yellow card)? And when a player loses it and cusses on the pitch, when should they be cautioned for dissent and when should I let it go because they are just expressing some frustration?

The laws cover the standard items, but also a lot of weird situations that possibly could come up. Like, there is an explanation for what to do if someone someone taking a corner kick manages to touch the ball a second time before anyone else … with their hand … in the opposite end of the pitch. Has this ever happened? It must have.

I appreciate that the book also includes explanations for changes to laws from the previous year, as well as tips on positioning and common sense, plus a glossary. Obviously I’m not going to whip it out during a match, but I’ll be reviewing it every week before matches.