ASK Musings

There are so many different types of joy. There are achievements that bring joy, like completing a degree or writing a book. There are milestone moments, like getting married or, (I’m told) having a child. There are times when you see others experience those moments, and you share in their joy. And then there are moments that are so fun and unselfconscious that one just can’t help but feel joy.

Twenty five years ago, I felt that joy on a regular basis, when a song would come together, or a performance would click. Every school day I’d get an hour of singing (and two hours during my senior year!), and while not every day was full of joy, so many moments were. My high school time was absolutely fine. It wasn’t torture, it wasn’t the best time of my life. It was just a good four years where I made some great friends, learned things (both academic and practical), had some hard times.

But by far the strongest and most joyful memories I have are of my time in choir. I joined the beginner’s choir – Womens Ensemble – my freshman year. I didn’t have the strongest voice, but I could read music, and I was a hard worker. My second year I moved into the intermediate choir, for women only again, called Treble Clef. I spent two great years there, which included going on a singing tour in San Diego. And my senior year I was lucky enough to be in the mixed choir Concert Choir as well as the advanced smaller Chamber Singers. Again, I didn’t have the best voice out there – the only solos I ever had were in a musical, and playing Belle for like a minute during our pops concert. But I learned the music and worked hard.

And I had an amazing director in Ken Abrams. So amazing in fact that he took the Concert Choir on its first European tour the summer after I graduated, which meant my first time leaving North America was to sing in Germany, Austria, Hungary, and Czechia. Like, who DOES that? Who gets to hang out for two weeks with friend, singing in cathedrals and castles? It was life affirming, singing beautiful music in beautiful settings. And Abrams was exactly what one needs in a choir director: he was honest and any frustration or things that might be viewed as challenging were to make us better singers, the choir stronger, and that translated, I think, into making us better people.

 

(Apparently pointing at something off camera was my ‘thing’ during that trip? Look, I don’t know. I was 18 in Europe without my parents.)

Once I left high school, I didn’t really think about singing anymore. I missed it, but I had university, a new city, and just other things I was interested in. But I did remember that joy, especially when I’d be belting out along to a song on the radio. Singing is joy.

– – –

At my 20 year high school reunion, Abrams was there, which was a delightful treat, as I hadn’t seen him in about that long. A few years after that, I got an email from some people from my class about a retirement weekend for Abrams, where people were coming back to sing, and tell Abrams what he had meant to them. Because of other travel I had to the US I wasn’t able to go, but I did submit a short video for the documentary about him, talking about how the trip to Europe made such a huge impact on me. At that event there were apparently rumblings of an alumni tour, and when I received the email to determine interest, I knew I was in.

– – –

After confirming that we were a go for Portugal and Spain, Abrams put together a Google group and did a ton of work to make sure we could all learn the music. There were performance recording, rehearsal recordings, and recordings for each part. I bought my sheet music as well as a tiny keyboard so I could reactive that part of my brain.

And then we rehearsed. I learned the songs slowly, probably starting with the wrong ones, and spending time every two or three days. By Christmas it was every other day, then every day for the last couple of months. Plus there were the monthly ‘in person’ rehearsals, where I would call in via Zoom, usually at 8PM (I watched the ones that started in the middle of the night my time on replay). It was great to be conducted by Abrams again, even if it wasn’t quite the same. I did wonder how I was doing – I learned the songs and the notes and even the tones, but still, without anyone else hearing me, or me hearing the choir together, I had no real idea what I was in for. I even had a few stress dreams in the lead up to the trip. One of the things I like about choir is the community, and the remoteness of this definitely was a downside.

– – –

I have traveled on my own before. I do it nearly every month to go down to London for work, and in my 20s I took a couple of solo trips to Ireland and the UK. But this was my first time traveling somewhere without English as a main language by myself. Luckily I feel comfortable in cities, and I’d actually been to Lisbon five years earlier, so things were familiar. I got myself on the metro and to the hotel, and checked into an excellent room. And exciting, one of the people I knew from the tour was already there! I stopped in the hotel restaurant to see one of the people who I sang with in high school, went to get some snacks, and then got dinner at the hotel. The music was loud, the food was good, and I suspect the COVID was in the air …

– – –

The first morning there, we went on a visit to Belem Tower, and Abrams did what he always does – had us sing. This was the first time all of us were together, in person, and going to sing together. We sang Ride the Chariot and Ainna That Good News and it felt amazing. It was like a day hadn’t passed since I last sang in Europe. We then went inside to the top of the tower and sang Rorando Coeli, which is an echo song, and it sounded so, so cool. We were singing in a place built over 500 years ago. Who gets to say they’ve done that???

After a visit to the monastery we had our long rehearsal – over two hours of working through the set list. Ah, it was fantastic being back under Abrams’ direction, making beautiful music. The people in my section, most of whom I’d never sung with before, were so friendly, and sang so beautifully. I felt that joy again – I’d forgotten what it really felt like to work hard to make gorgeous sounds.

– – –

The afternoon of our first performance (which ended up being my only one), we had a rehearsal at the venue and it was already magical. A basilica with amazing architecture. Folks coming in off the street to look ended up watching us sing about one page of each of our songs. We returned in the evening and were given a space to warm up. I was quite nervous as again, it had been 26 years since I last sang with a choir. After watching the basilica choir sing some beautiful songs, we were up.

I remember a lot about the 30 minutes or so we were up there, mostly feeling confident in every song (except Shenandoah, when I just couldn’t find the note and so lip synced along until about halfway through) and enjoying seeing the smiles of the people in the audience. They seemed to be enjoying the music, and I was absolutely loving singing it. If you’re interested, you can view the whole performance here.

– – –

I was a bit anxious about the trip because I was traveling on my own, and had chosen to have my own room. I get overwhelmed in big groups for long periods of time, and need unscheduled downtime regularly. There were some people I knew, but not anyone I’d say was a friend.

Oh boy do I feel like that has changed. I reconnected with Beth, someone I knew when I was a little kid playing soccer together. I made new friendships with Catherine and Bryan and Charles. I felt like I could join up with any random group that was wandering around. I had lunches with folks I didn’t know before. I know I didn’t end up talking to everyone in depth – sometimes I did just get overwhelmed with the newness of so many people, but literally every singer and partner on the trip was a delight. I got to see some absolutely gorgeous architecture, take walking tours, and just enjoy being around people and places I’m not usually around.

– – –

I was feeling very run down for much of the trip, but assumed it was because of the travel and activities. I woke up in Seville feeling like a cold was coming on, so I masked up for the short bus tour and the longer walking tour, but by mid-day decided to take a nap as we had our second performance that night. I kept feeling more and more tired and just blech, so I thought I should double check I didn’t have COVID, since COVID doesn’t exactly mix with singing. I saw that black line appear and was immediately heartbroken, because my tour was over. I stayed an extra day in Seville after my fever broke, then took a (very well masked) train to Granada to rejoin the group for a night so I could catch my flight home.

– – –

Even with the devastation I felt at having my performance time cut short, that experience was still pure joy. Wonderful people, wonderful music. Working hard for months leading up to it, singing some easy and some really hard songs in my little office. I remembered what that particular type of joy felt like, and while I know part of it was down to the specific experience of having Abrams as a conductor, I also know that singing as part of a choir is something I love. So I found one here, in Glasgow! I only made a few rehearsals this autumn, but in 2025 I hope to commit to attending every week so I can have that specific type of joy in my life on a regular basis. This new choir purely sings pop songs, so no 16th century church songs, but rocking out to a mix of rock hits from the 1990s? Also fun.

And pure joy.