ASK Musings

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Thursday

26

April 2018

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COMMENTS

Smoking in Public

Written by , Posted in Etiquette

There’s an issue that’s been swirling around my head (literally and figuratively) since moving back to London. And I’m willing to bet that it’s not just an issue for me, but for many of the other 84% of folks living in the UK who don’t smoke either.

I’m talking about smoking in public.

First, I want to make it clear that this isn’t a post about someone’s choice to start or continue smoking. Sure, it’s not the healthiest thing a person can do, but you don’t owe me — or anyone else — a life of healthy choices. I mean, I’m literally drinking liquid sugar (a.k.a hot chocolate) as I type this, so I can’t exactly judge.

Second, this isn’t an attempt to get smokers to stop smoking. I have friends who smoke. They know the statistics and the risks. Sure, I’d love it if no one smoked anymore, but it’s not my call.

If you’re a smoker who doesn’t care about being a jerk when you smoke, then this post isn’t for you! But for those who smoke and do care, this is for you.

Walking while smoking
You’re late for an appointment. You just got off the bus (where you obviously can’t light up), and you only have ten minutes until your next appointment. It also, coincidentally, takes ten minutes to walk there. Perfect time to grab a quick cigarette, right?

Please don’t. Or at least, please think about your surroundings before doing so. If it’s a busy street, or a busy time of day, you’re exposing a whole bunch of people to chemicals that they didn’t ask to be exposed to. And the nature of walking means that anyone going in your direction will either have to jog past you if they’re able, or be stuck with your smoke in their face until their path diverges from yours, and anyone walking towards you will end up walking directly through your smoke cloud. That’s kind of a jerk move.

Also, as an aside, people who walk while smoking will often (out of necessity, I assume) flick some ash along the way. I’ve been on the receiving end of such ash more than once, including a hot bit that flew directly into my eye. That shit HURT. And yes, it’s possible that I will be injured by other items while out in public — say, by an oblivious person walking directly into me — but the existence of other boorish actions doesn’t excuse all of them.

Smoking in parks and at the beach
It’s a beautiful day in London. The grass is finally dry, there’s not a cloud in sight, and it’s the weekend! Time to lay out the blanket and breathe in some clean air.

Until someone lights up a cigarette 15 feet away. Then the lovely day turns into an obstacle course wherein non-smokers attempt to dodge any group that includes smokers. Of course, people who smoke don’t smoke all the time, so it’s nearly impossible to pick a spot that guarantees freedom from something that causes me to cough like I myself have been smoking three packs a day for 20 years.

In the UK a couple of years ago they explored banning smoking anywhere that children play. I mean, cool, but it’s not just children who should have access to cleaner air. It’s great to start with kids, but eventually I’d love it if we cared about the air that everyone inhales.

And before you point out that there will be other smells (and sounds) that are unpleasant and might put a damper on a day at the park or beach, I know. But I’m talking about smoking right now, not whether forcing other people to listen to your choice of music at full volume is acceptable (it’s not).

Smoking right at the door
In the US, smoking laws vary, but in places where there are smoking bans, there are often rules about the distance one must be from an entrance before lighting up. That doesn’t appear to be the case in the UK, which seems a bit ridiculous. Having to pass through a cloud of smoke every time one leaves or enters a business is not cool, so smokers, I’d ask that you move well away from all building entrances before lighting up.

Smoking at the bus stop
You’ve got what is essentially a captive audience here, so unless there’s a way to position yourself so your smoke blows away from everyone at the stop, please reconsider lighting up.

A word on vaping
Congratulations to those who have shifted from cigarettes to vaping! Unfortunately, many people who vape seem to think that the stuff they are exhaling is harmless, but it’s not. It’s quite nasty, and seems to create a much larger cloud than traditional smoking. Sure, it doesn’t smell the same as cigarettes, but I still have no interest in walking through a cloud of peppermint-tinged nicotine and propylene glycol. So please follow the same considerations suggested above, even though you aren’t smoking cigarettes anymore.

So … where should people smoke?
Banning smoking in the workplace and all enclosed public spaces was a great move from a public health perspective. I’ve also at times hoped for a ban of smoking in all public spaces, but one unfortunate consequence of banning smoking in public outright is that it can be engineered as a way to harass unhoused people, which is definitely not cool. Smokers also often have lower incomes, so anti-smoking laws and regulations (in places like public housing for example) may disproportionately impact already marginalized populations. I’m not interested in that, either, so instead I’m just going to hope that smokers simply look around and consider the affect they have on the people around them.

Wednesday

25

April 2018

0

COMMENTS

Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan

Written by , Posted in Reviews

4 Stars

Best for: People looking for a comic look at the absurdity of obscene wealth.

In a nutshell: Nick is the kind of wealthy that never talks about money. His girlfriend Rachel doesn’t know it. He brings her home to Singapore to meet his family, and things get awkward.

Worth quoting:
“All her life she’d been treated like a hothouse flower, when in fact she was a wildflower that was never allowed to bloom fully.”
(I find this metaphor — or is it simile? — ridiculous because women =/= flowers, but I also weirdly like the imagery.)

Why I chose it:
The film’s trailer was released two days ago. I decided it was finally time to suck it up and pick it up (I’d been avoiding it for years because I don’t like the use of words like ‘crazy.’).

Review:
(some minor spoilers below)

After I finished the book I went back to read other Cannonball Read reviews. I’m intrigued by how many folks thought it wasn’t that great — I think maybe we viewed it through different lenses? I went into this knowing that I would find so much of it absurd, and I think the fact that the author is clearly both interested in pointing out the absurdity of many of these people AND is aware that lots of people like absurdly fancy shit (whether than can afford it or not) made it pretty easy for me to dive into this ridiculous world for awhile.

I loved the book. I devoured it. I enjoyed that Mr. Kwan was able to write chapters from multiple perspectives. (Seriously, that takes talent, to not just create many characters, but to take their point of view and have them really be different characters.) I liked that while some of the women were horrible, they weren’t all just one-dimensional materialistic harpies. There were very rich women that were appealing, and very rich women who … super weren’t. The men were also more complicated than just absent fathers or playboys. Nick, for example, seems to be a genuinely good guy, but his actions result in some pretty serious distress for quite a few people because he lacks some self-awareness. Astrid is obviously someone who has no real comprehension of how much money she has, but she’s also, to me, extremely likable in trying to lead a life that matches what her husband is comfortable with.

One of my favorite parts are the friendships between Colin and Nick and between Rachel and Piek Lin. Colin and Araminta pick Nick and Rachel up from the airport in Singapore is so … normal. These are people we will come to learn are essentially Singapore royalty, and they want to do the things friends do: welcome their friends to town and take them out. I also like that Rachel is pretty chill for most of the trip, and then when it makes sense, just sort of loses her shit. Not in a theatric way, but in the way many people do: she completely shuts down.

At the same time, I also like how unlikable so many of characters are. Nick’s mother Eleanor and her friends are obnoxious and kind of shitty parents. They can convince themselves they’re trying to do what is best for their kids, but they don’t really KNOW their kids at all. And Eddie … I’ve not wanted to smack a character so badly as I did here. What. An. Asshole.

I’ve seen some reviews that chastise Mr. Kwan for being so ostentatious in his descriptions of things like clothing and decor, but I feel it’s necessary. This isn’t the kind of rich I’m familiar with — these are definitely not the Kardashians. These are next-level rich, and I think that’s fascinating. It’s not the only thing I want to read about in life because it’s not realistic, but then neither is the world of Game of Thrones. If the only books available were books like this, that would be a problem (I want novels about people who aren’t absurdly rich), but I think Mr. Kwan does a great job with this one. I’m interested in the characters, and I’m putting off starting the next book until tomorrow because it’s late and I know I’ll just stay up reading it.

Sunday

22

April 2018

0

COMMENTS

What I’m Reading – 22 April 2018

Written by , Posted in What I'm Reading

UK Immigration Policy Horror

“When Gretel arrived at Tilbury Docks in East London, aged 24, all those years ago, she had a Jamaican ­passport with a stamp inside giving her indefinite leave to remain. But that document was stolen in a 2006 burglary at her house in Lambeth. She applied for a new one and her daughter Pauline ­Blackwood immediately filed a police report. The authorities told Gretel she would not be given a UK passport and if she left Britain she would need to apply for a visa on her new Jamaican passport.” “I’m heartbroken I can’t rejoin my children in Britain”: Windrush gran blocked from UK after living here for 59 years (by Christopher Bucktin for The Mirror)

“There were angry exchanges at Prime Ministers Questions yesterday as the Labour Leader called Theresa May’s government “both callous and incompetent” after it emerged that Brits who had lived for generations in the UK faced being wrongly deported to Commonwealth countries, the evidence for when the Windrush generation had arrived in the UK having been destroyed by the Home Office.” Theresa May’s ‘Hostile Environment’ immigration policy compared to ‘Nazi Germany’ by her own ministers (by Ben Gelblum for The London Economic)

“If you are angry about the treatment of the Windrush generation it is important to understand that this anger cannot be selective, if there are to be no more violations. There is no cross-party, cross-media support for a different type of immigration policy victim than the Windrush scandal has managed to muster. Not for those who are illegally detained, those on hunger strike in protest against poor conditions. Not for those whose illnesses were treated as lies and to which they later succumbed. Not for the sexually exploited and not for the children separated from their parents. Not even for those British subjects separated from their families by unreasonably high income visa requirements.” It’s not just Windrush. Theresa May has created hostility to all immigrants (by Nesrine Malik for The Guardian)

“Robinson was told that he did not have the correct paperwork to get into the UK, even though he had lived, worked and paid taxes there his whole life. The grandfather of three was forced to say goodbye to his relatives at the departure gate. “I felt like someone had just punched me in the head. ‘What do you mean, I cannot come back?’ I thought. The next day it really hit me that I was not with my family,” he says. He says he ended up staying in Jamaica for 21 months, stranded and living in one-room bedsits and cheap hostels.” Windrush generation tell of holidays that led to exile and heartbreak (by Sarah Marsh, Haroon Siddique and Caroline Bannock for The Guardian)

Racism

“Nelson recalled asking the manager to use the bathroom after he and Robinson arrived at the Starbucks. He said she told him no because he hadn’t ordered anything. Nelson sat down at a table with Robinson — his friend since the fourth grade — and waited for Yaffe, who is white. That’s when the manager came over and asked if they were ordering anything, they said, and phoned the cops when the pair told her they were waiting to meet someone.” Starbucks manager called the cops on black men two minutes after they arrived for business meeting (by Terence Cullen for New York Daily News)

““And where are you from?” asked the prince. “Manchester, UK,” I said. “Well, you don’t look like it!” he said, and laughed. He was then ushered on to the next person. Although I have experienced such off-the-cuff, supposedly humorous, comments before, I was stunned by the gaffe. Prince Charles was endorsed by the Queen, in her opening speech to the heads of government, to be the future head of the Commonwealth: it’s her “sincere wish” that he become so. That the mooted next leader of an organisation that represents one-third of the people on the planet commented that I, a brown woman, did not look as if I was from a city in the UK is shocking.” Dear Prince Charles, do you think my brown skin makes me unBritish? (by Anita Sethi for The Guardian)

Sexual Assault

“Richard, a student and linebacker on the football team at SUNY Cortland in upstate New York, went to a house party on Long Island in July 2017 with his friends from high school while he was home from school for the summer. As he was getting ready to leave, Richard heard noises coming from the bathroom — the sounds, he said, of a woman’s cry. “I didn’t know what was going on,” Richard told BuzzFeed News. “I just knew something what up.” Using his shoulder, Richard said he and one of his friends pushed open the door and saw a man standing behind a young woman with his hand on her neck, attempting to assault her. The woman was crying and bleeding from the mouth, Richard said.” This College Junior Was Shot Twice After Stopping An Attempted Sexual Assault (by Mary Ann Georgantopoulos for BuzzFeed News)

“The House bill, which received support from across the aisle, came after a half-dozen lawmakers were forced to either resign or retire last fall in light of sexual harassment allegations, would require lawmakers to pay for harassment or discrimination claims out of their own pocket, instead of using taxpayer-funded settlements. The legislation would also mandate transparent reporting of previous harassment payouts and eliminates the requirement for Hill employees to seek counseling and mediation prior to pursuing a claim.” Male GOP senators balk at new rules requiring them to pay their own sexual harassment settlements (by Rebekah Entralgo for Think Progress)

“Towards the end of the two-hour hearing, following emotional testimonies from the survivors, Sen. Richard Blumenthal (D-CT), the ranking member of the subcommittee, asked all four if they thought that sexual abuse was ongoing in their respective sports. A few responded that they were certain it was: not only are the current policies still insufficient from both a response and prevention standpoint, but, as Farrell said, “I think the majority of athletes and coaches are wonderful people, but every child molester would love to be a coach.”” Survivors stun senators with testimony on prevalence of sexual abuse in sports (by Lindsay Gibbs for Think Progress)

“Despite all of that, this year’s Coachella experience was also full of moments I never saw on Instagram: being repeatedly violated by strangers. In the three days I was at Coachella, I only spent a total of 10 hours at the actual festival, where I watched numerous performances and interviewed festivalgoers about their experience with sexual assault and harassment for Teen Vogue. During the 10 hours I was reporting on this story, I was groped 22 times.” Sexual Harassment Was Rampant at Coachella 2018 (by Vera Papisova for Teen Vogue)

“At Penn State, sorority women are 50 percent more likely than other female students to be sexually assaulted, and fraternity men are 62 percent more likely to commit a sexual assault than other male students, according to the university’s most recent Sexual Assault Campus Climate survey. Erin Farley, programming coordinator at Penn State’s Gender Equity Center, said 1 in 4 women and 1 in 16 men say they’ve been sexually assaulted at Penn State, according to the anonymous survey.” ‘Like sharks looking for minnows’: Sexual assault is a problem in Penn State’s Greek culture (by Sarah Rafacz for The Centre Daily)

Transphobia

“The 30th anniversary of the anti-gay legislation known as section 28 is a useful moment to pause and examine the parallels between the trans and gay movements: not only are the struggles analogous in that they were both designed to improve the legal rights of a minority group; the responses they provoked have been at times eerily similar.” Today’s anti-trans rhetoric looks a lot like old-school homophobia (by Shon Faye for The Guardian)

Housing

“A report, Housing for the Many, accuses ministers of stretching the term affordable to breaking point to include homes let at up to 80% of market rents – more than £1,500 a month in some areas – and homes for sale up to £450,000. “It has become a deliberately malleable phrase, used to cover up a shift in government policy towards increasingly expensive and insecure homes,” it says. The Labour leader and John Healey, the shadow housing secretary, set out the party’s plans to link affordability to people’s incomes on tenures including social rent, living rent and low-cost ownership, in the 40-page green paper, to be launched on Thursday.” Labour would rip up definition of affordable housing, Corbyn says (by Heather Stewart for The Guardian)

Corporate Malfeasance

“According to the New Food Economy, Amazon ranks high on the list of employers with massive numbers of employees enrolled in SNAP (the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program, otherwise known as food stamps). In Ohio, around one in 10 Amazon employees uses SNAP; in Pennsylvania, about one in nine. In Arizona, nearly one in three Amazon employees is enrolled in the food stamp program.” A large number of Amazon workers rely on food stamps for assistance (by Luke Barnes for Think Progress)

“Owen and Demetric, father and son, allege in the lawsuit that Demetric’s supervisors hurled racist statements like, “All you f***ing n***ers,” Bloomberg reported. Owen told Bloomberg that the racist statements made him feel helpless. “It made me feel like I was less than a man,” Owen Diaz said. “I couldn’t do anything.” Owen and Demetric were contractors at Tesla who worked with firms West Valley Staffing Group and Citistaff Solutions. They are suing all three firms who have denied the allegations, Bloomberg reported.” Former Tesla Contractors File Discrimination Lawsuit Against The Company Claiming Racial Bias and Harassment (by Kimberley Richards for Blavity)

Friday

20

April 2018

0

COMMENTS

Things That Make White People Uncomfortable by Michael Bennett

Written by , Posted in Reviews

Five Stars

Best for: Anyone interested in a compelling story about how a professional athlete lives his values.

In a nutshell: Former (sniff) Seattle Seahawk and current Philadelphia Eagle team member Michael Bennett shares his prospective on a wide range of topics, including the NCAA, the NFL, racism, and sexism.

Line that sticks with me:
“They also tell us to stick to sports when we speak out on issues. But they don’t seem to have a problem when we’re making commercials, selling their kids sneakers they can’t afford or fast food that will give them colon cancer.”
“But none of this is new, and we shouldn’t pretend it is. Racists may be more confident now because of who is in the White House, but it’s been there all along.”
“I think their real reason for calling me a liar is their whole worldview is built around the idea that racism in policing doesn’t exist. They would rather live in the comfort of that fiction than be forced to confront the uncomfortable truth: that racial profiling is a reality.”
“I realized that I wouldn’t be the person I aspire to be if I called out injustice here at home and just stopped at our border. It doesn’t work that way.”

Why I chose it: I mean, a former Seahawk writing about things like social justice? Sign me up.

Review:
I grew up loving professional football. I was a 49ers fan, and got to attend many games growing up. However, I didn’t watch a single game in the 2017-2018 season, because of how the league treated Colin Kaepernick. I wrote about my decision here.

But living in Seattle, it was impossible to avoid news of the Seahawks, and Michael Bennett (until recently) was a major piece of that team. So when I heard he was writing a book — and with Dave Zirin, whose work I’ve reviewed before — I knew I had to pick it up. Saw it at the airport before returning to London this week, and I’ve not been able to put it down.

This book has so many insights, it was hard to limit the number of quotes to share above. Mr. Bennett talks openly about how hard college life is for ‘student-athletes’ (who he says would more accurately be called ‘athlete-students’), how the NCAA and universities don’t give a shit about their players. He talks about life in the NFL, and the fear of CTE and how poorly retired players are treated. He shares how important the brotherhood of the Seahawks locker room has been in his growth as a player and a Black man.

He covers many topics I expected him to, like the racism inherent in calling the NFL team owners ‘owners’ when so many of the employees are Black, or Mr. Bennett’s involvement in the anthem protests. In fact, the preface could stand alone as a wonderful essay on the need to stand up (or, in this case, sit down) for what’s right. But he also talks about things like the importance of access to healthful food, or his thoughts on Palestine, or the importance of forgiveness, which I wasn’t expecting.

I think this is a book anyone with an opinion on the role of college or professional athletes should read. I also think this is a good book for anyone who is looking for inspiration to keep fighting injustice.

Note: Mr. Bennett was charged in late March with assaulting someone working security at the Super Bowl in 2017 (a felony, because the person is over 65). I find it hard to believe that the incident went down as suggested in the indictment; I’m especially suspect because of the way the Houston police chief shared it (Google the press conference if you’re interested). Mr. Bennett’s attorney has said: “He just flat-out didn’t do it. It wasn’t a case of, ‘He didn’t shove her that hard,’ or anything like that. … He never touched her.” That said, I wasn’t there, so if that’s something that might affect your interest in picking up this book, I wanted to put it out there.

Thursday

19

April 2018

0

COMMENTS

Using Facebook

Written by , Posted in Etiquette

Regardless of how you choose to use Facebook, there are definitely ways you can be a jerk on there. Below are just a few things I’ve noticed over the years; I may add to this as I experience more in the future.

Friending
I have a general rule with Facebook: if I wouldn’t make the effort to grab a hot beverage or a drink with someone and talk for 20 minutes, one on one, there’s no reason for us to be friends on Facebook. However, I recognize that not everyone has this rule. People friend colleagues, all family members, people they met at a party, people who generally seem cool. Some people post all the things; some people post nothing but keep an account so they don’t miss out on invitations to events. Social media serves different purposes for different people.

Let me repeat myself: social media serves different purposes for different people. In my opinion, anyone should feel comfortable asking anyone to be their friend on Facebook, so long as they meet these criteria:

  • You have interacted with them in some way previously. That doesn’t mean you have to know them, or have met them in person. But it’s kind of a creeper move to just go looking through friend lists and sending random invites.
  • You have not been asked to leave them alone (either by them or, say, the police).
  • You will be okay if they decline your request.

This last one is key – if you are going to be hurt if they don’t accept your request, think really hard about whether you want to even send the request. If this is your best friend in the world (and you know she’s active on Facebook), or your underage child who is violating the agreement you have about social media use, then sure, have a chat. But if you send a friend request to your cousin who you haven’t seen in fifteen years and she doesn’t accept it? It’s okay! You managed to go 15 years without interacting; there might be a reason for it. And if you really want to reconnect, maybe consider sending an email.

Unfriending
I think a lot of people may have had their first taste of this just after the election. Maybe they got fed up with seeing certain political ideas defended on their walls, or maybe they just realized that life is too short to have a feed cluttered up with posts they don’t care about from people they have no intention of ever seeing again.

It’s not a jerk move to unfriend someone, and I don’t think you need to let people know that you’ve done it, or why you’ve done it. Just think about it before you do it; if you feel like someday soon your opinion might change, consider just hiding them from your feed and adding them to a list that doesn’t see your posts.

Blocking
I am currently blocking 180 individuals on Facebook. I only know six of them, and of those, only two are people I was once friends with (both are relatives – go figure). During and after the election, when friends of friends or just random strangers made hateful comments (usually of the racist or sexist variety), I would block them.

I tried to engage a couple of them, but then realized that they certainly weren’t open to any discussion with me. Is this that bubble everyone is warning me about? Sure is! I’m pretty proud to have a bubble that is generally free from Nazis and the like. It’s not a jerk move to block someone; no one has the right to force you to listen to (or read) their opinion.

Posting (political)
Nearly everything fits into this category; in fact, I’m trying to generally avoid the delineation because I think everything that happens in politics has an impact on our lives. But for now, let’s just talk about the obvious: things related to elected officials or policy. GMO labeling. Climate Change. The current inhabitant of the White House.

Post away, but in this realm, be ready for people to come at you if they disagree. That doesn’t mean you have to host every rant: your wall, your choice. Just know that people tend to see the sharing of political articles as an invitation to discuss them.

If people start spewing hateful things on a post you put up, say, supporting the right of people to use the bathroom that matches their gender, regardless of what genitals they have, shut that shit down. If they want a platform, they have their own wall for that. You might get some ‘freeze peach’ ranting, but again – you aren’t the government, you aren’t censoring them, and they don’t have a right to make you listen to them. It’s okay.

Posting (non-political)
I’m not going to retread well-worn ground here; the whole STFU tumblr craze of the late 2000s covered all manner of weird shit people post on Facebook. But as I said before, people can use social media in many different ways, so really the only asshole move here is telling someone they can’t post what they want to post.

I tend to use Twitter for witty one-liners and observations; Instagram for pictures; and Facebook for promoting this website (hey!), keeping up with friends who don’t live nearby, and sharing major life moments. Others might put everything on Facebook, or just the occasional update on life. All uses are fine.

Pictures
Please don’t individually post each of your 134 photos from your trip to Costa Rica. Create an album; if I want, I will click on it and view the contents. Otherwise I have to scroll through 134 individual pictures. I can scroll past three or four, but 134? That’s kind of a jerk move.

Also please don’t post objectively mortifying pictures of anyone without their consent – and that includes kids (especially kids that aren’t your own – let parents sort out what’s appropriate for their own little one). The beauty of the shot of Junior crying on the toilet with jam smeared all over his face is that you can show it to his college boyfriend at some point; not to 167 people you might know, including your hairdresser.

Those may be super funny, but they’re also super personal to the kids. I’m not a parent, and I don’t think parents should never post pictures; I just wish more would consider what the kid will think knowing that all the adults in his life saw him at his most vulnerable and then laughed about it.

That said, overall, even if you might not enjoy seeing a lot of pictures of babies, or vacations, or puppies, or cats, you do have the ability to hide and scroll past. I suggest we all do that a bit more often and complain to (or about) the posters a bit less.

Wednesday

18

April 2018

0

COMMENTS

The Last Black Unicorn by Tiffany Haddish

Written by , Posted in Reviews

Best for: People who enjoy Tiffany Haddish

In a nutshell: Comedian and actor Tiffany Haddish shares stories – some hilarious, some serious – from her life.

Worth quoting:
“I try to forgive him. I really do try to find a place of forgiveness in my heart for him. That shit is hard, though.”

Why I chose it: I was about to board a nine-hour flight, and thought this would be a good choice for helping the time pass quickly. I was right.

Review:
Some memoirs by famous folks are co-written by someone who has more experience writing books. Ms. Haddish employed Tucker Max to assist, but I didn’t even realize it until I read the acknowledgments at the end. That is to say: this book sounds exactly like Tiffany Haddish.

Some of the chapters in this book are fantastic. Ms. Haddish is a great storyteller, and that isn’t limited to traditionally ‘funny’ fare. Her deep honesty around past relationships, and her recognition of how hard it is to understand why she returned to her abusive ex husband make the serious stories as enthralling as the funny ones. She’s been through some shit, and she doesn’t seem to hold back in sharing it all with us.

That said, I think others enjoyed this book more than I did, and I might not be being fair in my review when I say that the way she writes about her date with Roscoe (who lives in a group home and has an arm that didn’t fully develop) left me … unimpressed. That’s not to say that I think it was mean. In fact, I think Ms. Haddish comes across throughout as a very sweet woman. But I think she just missed the mark in how she told that book, and it kind of took the wind out of the second half for me. I also didn’t appreciate how she seems deeply insulted by the idea of anyone being fat. For me, that’s such a ridiculous thing to still be employing for laughs / insults that I get especially annoyed when I see it from someone who is a very smart comedian.

Monday

16

April 2018

0

COMMENTS

What I’m Reading – 15 April, 2018

Written by , Posted in What I'm Reading

Horrible Legislative, Executive, and Judicial Action

“On Friday, as part of a crackdown that long predates SESTA, the country’s best known adult classifieds site, Backpage.com — a vital site for sex workers — was seized by the FBI. Without traffic from Backpage.com, the community has speculated that some will become hungry, homeless, or even dead. Professionals who serve actual trafficked victims believe the only way to track them now no longer exists.” Sex Workers Are Canaries In The Free Speech Coal Mine (by Emily Smith for BuzzFeed News)

Xenophobia

“On lawyers’ advice, the Francos waited to start legalizing his status through their marriage until late 2016, after he had lived a productive, crime-free decade in the United States. They never anticipated that President Trump’s promised immigration crackdown would be so swift, and so ruthless in their region. By last spring, when Pennsylvania roads were starting to feel like a dragnet for immigrants without papers, Ludvin Franco had mostly stopped getting behind the wheel of a car. Often he relied on his wife to drive him, their twin toddlers buckled into the backseat. But the night his soccer team faced a rival in the semifinals of an indoor league, his wife was in the queasy first trimester of a second pregnancy. He headed out alone.” In Pennsylvania, It’s Open Season on Undocumented Immigrants (by Deborah Sontag and Dale Russakoff for ProPublica)

““We are dismayed that an invited guest to our annual PEN World Voices Festival in New York, which starts on Monday, Yassmin Abdel-Magied, herself the founder of an organization called Youth Without Borders, was turned away by US Immigration officials in Minneapolis, reportedly had her phone and passport seized, and was put back on a plane to Amsterdam,” said Nossel. “Abdel-Magied is an advocate of the rights of Muslim women and refugees and is a citizen of Australia, traveling on that country’s passport.”” This Young Muslim Woman Says She Was Blocked And Deported From America Before She Could Speak At An Event Called “No Country For Young Muslim Women” (by Brad Esposito for BuzzFeed News)

Racism

“After arranging for Colin Kaepernick to work out for the Seattle Seahawks this week, team officials postponed the trip when the quarterback declined to say he would stop kneeling during the national anthem next season, a league source told ESPN on Thursday.” Seahawks postpone visit after Colin Kaepernick won’t say if he’ll stop kneeling during anthem (by Adam Schefter for ESPN)

“The GAO found that black students are overrepresented in the disciplinary data, which is a very nice way of saying that black children are punished more often and receive harsher punishments than white kids. “These disparities were widespread and persisted regardless of the type of disciplinary action, level of school poverty or type of public school attended,” the report explains (pdf).” Government Study: School Is Racist (by Michael Harriot for The Root)

“A Texas appeals court in 2010 turned down an aunt’s attempt to adopt Devonte Hart and three of his siblings because she previously violated an order barring their biological mother from seeing the children, court records show.” Devonte Hart’s aunt fought — and lost — battle for custody, court records show (by Everton Bailey, Jr. for Oregon Live)

Gun Violence

““Rep. Norman’s behavior today was a far cry from what responsible gun ownership looks like,” said Lori Freeman, a volunteer with Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America, who attended the event and spoke with Norman, according to the Washington Post. Another attendee, Lori Carter, said, “I felt it was highly inappropriate for an elected official, honestly, and it almost felt like an intimidation tactic.”” South Carolina congressman draws loaded weapon at constituent event (by Ryan Koronowski for Think Progress)

“On Tuesday, teens from Miami Northwestern Senior High School marched from their school’s campus to a housing complex where four young people were shot on Sunday. Kimson Green, a 17-year-old sophomore at the school, and Rickey Dixon, an 18-year-old alumnus, were killed. Students chanted: “No justice. No peace. No violence in the streets,” the Miami Herald reported.” Black Students Marched Against Gun Violence In Florida, But You Likely Didn’t Hear About It (by Sarah Ruiz-Grossman for HuffPost)

Misogyny

“After being pulled from her fifth-period class at Braden River High School, the 17-year-old from Bradenton, Florida, found herself in the dean’s office, and was told that nipples and breasts were “distracting” other students and “a boy was laughing at her,” thus she was violating school dress code policy, according to the teen and statements from school officials. Martinez said that school officials originally told her that her third-period teacher flagged the dress code issue, but later said a student came to the office to report her.” This 17-Year-Old Was Told To Put Band-Aids On Her Nipples After Not Wearing A Bra To School (by Brianna Sacks for BuzzFeed News)

Sunday

8

April 2018

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COMMENTS

What I’m Reading – 8 April 2018

Written by , Posted in What I'm Reading

Horrific Executive, Legislative, and Judicial Action

“A week later, Henry was called to the principal’s office to speak with the police officer assigned to the school. In El Salvador, Henry had learned to distrust the police, who often worked for rival gangs or paramilitary death squads. But the officer assured Henry that the Suffolk County police were not like the cops he had known before he sought asylum in the United States. They could connect him to the FBI, which could protect him and move him far from Long Island.” A Betrayal (by Hannah Dreier for ProPublic and New York Magazine)

Corporate Malfeasance

“Now, almost three years to the day of that announcement, the few McDonald’s workers who are employed at corporate-owned restaurants have seen no action from the company and are still being paid just barely above minimum wage in their cities. In a 2015 statement announcing the change, Chief Executive Officer Steve Easterbrook said “A motivated workforce leads to better customer service so we believe this initial step not only benefits our employees, it will improve the McDonald’s restaurant experience.” The announcement, however, was widely criticized by labor experts at the time, who noted that the pay raise only applied to “company-owned restaurants,” which roughly constitute only about 10 percent of McDonald’s 14,000 U.S. restaurants. The rest are owned and operated by franchisees which make their own decisions when it comes to benefits and wages.” McDonald’s stiffs employees on promised pay raise (by Rebekah Entralgo for Think Progress)

Racism

“In an interview with the Wall Street Journal this week, McNair revisited that controversy, and took an opportunity to express his regret. Not for his initial statement, mind you: he apologized for apologizing. “The main thing I regret is apologizing,” McNair told the WSJ. He rehashed his initial excuse — that this was a figure of speech, and that he was actually referring to the control the league executives had over the NFL owners. “I really didn’t have anything to apologize for,” he said.” NFL owner says his only regret about comparing players to ‘inmates’ is apologizing for it (by Lindsay Gibbs for Think Progress)

“”Bernie’s comments were tone-deaf and will not help him with communities of color, especially black folks,” said Joshua DuBois, a strategist who led Obama’s faith-based initiative. “On that hallowed day, our focus should’ve been on the transformative legacy of Dr. King and how we can come together to continue King’s fight against systemic racism and injustice — not attacking the legacy of the first black president, who fought against many of the same things Dr. King fought.” Bakari Sellers, a South Carolina Democrat who emphatically supported Hillary Clinton in 2016, told BuzzFeed News that he and black Democrats have had patience with Sanders as he’s sought to better understand the role that race plays in the United States, even as Democrats have pushed Sanders to not just rely on the narrative that he marched with King in the 1960s. To Sellers, anyway, Sanders’ time is up.” Bernie Sanders’ Revolution Needs Black Voters To Win. But Can He Talk To Them? (by Ruby Cramer and Darren Sands for BuzzFeed News)

“Last month, these three Native American teams were suddenly expelled from the DPLL by league administrator Corey Mitchell, for reasons players and coaches say they still do not understand. Members of all three teams say they have experienced severe racial abuse from other DPLL players, parents, and referees, and they allege they were kicked out of the league because Mitchell was uninterested in addressing their allegations of racial abuse.” Native American Lacrosse Teams Reported Racial Abuse. Then Their League Expelled Them. (by Curtis Waltman for Deadspin)

Islamophobia

“Muslims and those perceived as Muslim due to their race or other factors were far more likely to experience negative media coverage and outsized legal ramifications than perpetrators not seen as Muslim, according to the study. A review of incidents shows that prosecutors sought sentences three times longer for Muslim perpetrators — 230 months versus 76 months. In actual sentencing, Muslims typically received sentences that were four times the length of non-Muslims, despite the similarity in severity or general scope of their actions.” For perpetrators, ramifications are different if you’re Muslim, new study shows (by E. A. Crunden for Think Progress)

Sexism

“If you followed the men’s March Madness tournament, you’re well aware that Sister Jean Dolores-Schmidt is the 98-year-old team chaplain for Loyola University Chicago, the 11th-seed Cinderella team that made a remarkable run to the men’s Final Four this year. That Sister Jean received more extensive coverage during one tournament than Ogunbowale will likely receive over her entire basketball career is not a slight on the luckiest nun alive, but rather a way for us to take stock of how we tell stories and where we choose to direct our attention.” The More Women’s Sports Are Covered, The More Popular They Will Be (by Jessica Luther for Huff Post)

“I agree with Goldberg that a person’s worst tweets don’t sum up who they are. But there is a difference between “just a tweet” and a belief. What Williamson tweeted (and doubled down on many times over Twitter and the podcast) was not a bad joke or a even a cruel comment dashed off in anger. It was a political position – and the Atlantic had a decision to make over whether it believed that political position was within the norms of reasonable critical debate. Whether or not they wanted to expand their definition of acceptable discourse to include “hanging women”. ‘Hang women who have abortions’ is not a view that’s fit for public debate (by Jessica Valenti for The Guardian)

Complicity

“Here’s why: Paterno — which stars Al Pacino, is directed by Barry Levinson, and premieres on HBO on April 7 — builds a compelling case to implicate the adult bystanders who enabled Sandusky’s crimes against children, which included other Penn State officials. Through flashbacks and Paterno’s stubborn and naive conversations with his family — during which it becomes clear he did not do nearly enough to stop Sandusky, his former defensive coordinator — the film makes a powerful point about community responsibility. In 2018, it’s impossible to view Paterno without drawing parallels to the months-long national reckoning on sexual harassment, abuse, and assault precipitated by the exposés about Harvey Weinstein in the New York Times and the New Yorker in early October.” Watching “Paterno” During The #MeToo Era (by Kate Aurthur for BuzzFeed News)

War

“Entire families died while hiding in cellars, trying to seek shelter from air raids and barrel bombs, the group said on Twitter. The reports have not been independently confirmed. Other relief organizations and watchdog groups, including the Syrian Observatory for Human Rights and the Syrian American Medical Society, also reported the attack, though the number of victims killed has varied. Rami Abdulrahman, the director of the UK-based Syrian Observatory for Human Rights, told Reuters he could not confirm if chemical weapons had been used.” Trump Blames Putin And Iran After Reported Syria Chemical Attack Kills Dozens (by Stephanie K. Baer, Patrick Smith, and David Mack for BuzzFeed News)

Something Good

“Anchorage’s transgender community worked tirelessly with the city’s faith and business leaders and local and national organizers, to build a powerful coalition of love and support, and to combat the fearmongering tactics of anti-LGBTQ activists to defeat this dangerous anti-trans ballot measure,” said Sarah Kate Ellis, President and CEO of GLAAD. “Proposition 1 was exposed as a clear attack on transgender people and unequivocally rejected by voters who put their love of their neighbors and the safety of their entire community above hate.” VICTORY! Anchorage Alaska rejects anti-transgender ballot measure (GLAAD blog)

Saturday

7

April 2018

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COMMENTS

Conversations with Friends by Sally Rooney

Written by , Posted in Reviews

Four Stars

Best for: Those looking for a quick read about complicated relationships.

In a nutshell: Frances is a 21-year-old college student who writes poetry and performs it with her best friend / ex-girlfriend Bobbi. They meet writer Melissa, and her actor husband Nick, who is quite appealing to Frances. Events transpire.

Worth quoting:
“I didn’t know how to join in their new friendship without debasing myself for their attention.”
“Realising not only that hurting Bobbi’s feelings was within my power but that I had done it practically offhandedly and without noticing, made me uncomfortable.”
“I thought of myself as an independent person, so independent that the opinions of others were irrelevant to me.”

Why I chose it: I was at a Waterstones and picked the book up (it was prominently displayed on a table). The review pull quote across the top said “Fearless, sensual writing.” I immediately put it down, because I’ve not ever found myself enjoying writing that I would characterise as ‘sensual.’ The shop manager noticed and spent the next two minutes trying to sell me on the book, and to ignore that quote. I acquiesced, and am happy I did so.

Review:
Author Sally Rooney has an interesting way with words. With this book, she is able to create characters that I don’t think we’re meant to root for or against, but to just be interested in. The book is told from Frances’s first person perspective, so the other three main characters come to us through that lens, and it’s clear that we’re meant to recognize that what Frances is telling us isn’t everything there is to know about them. And I don’t mean this in an ‘unreliable narrator’ / ‘there’s a mystery to be solved’ sort of way, just that with Ms. Rooney’s writing, I feel that she understands how little we all know about the people in our lives.

The book centers around the ideas of love and relationships. The primary focus at times seems to be romantic relationships, but I think the book also does a good job at looking at friendships as well as relationships with our families of origin. How much do we choose to share of ourselves with our partners? Our parents? How do we make those calculations? How do those relationships shape us? How much do we re-frame and reformulate those relationships as a way to help us understand ourselves?

Frances’s character develops over time, and you can see her taking more steps to get to know who she is. In some moments its easy to forget that she’s still in college and has to sort out the big life questions like ‘what do I want to be when I grow up,’ and I think that’s mostly due to Ms. Rooney’s writing. Yes, there are some eye-roll-worthy moments that those of us who have been out of college for many years might look at and think ‘awww, I remember debating that in the pub. How sweet,’ but Ms. Rooney doesn’t condescend to her characters. Frances and Bobbi are younger than I am (I’m not quite old enough to be Frances’s mother, but I could be her aunt) but they aren’t acting especially immature, at least not in unexpected ways. I think they’re relatable, even if the actions they’re taking aren’t ones I’d necessarily take.

So thanks, Waterstones bookseller. I DID like it!

Saturday

7

April 2018

0

COMMENTS

Using Your Phone (As A Phone) In Public

Written by , Posted in Etiquette

There’s one topic that I’ve probably complained about online more than any other, and that’s public phone usage. I see a lot of articles bemoaning how Twitter / Facebook / Snapchat / Instagram / Candy Crush keeps us from interacting with the live humans right in front of us, but I’m more interested in how folks act like jerks when using phones for their original purpose: talking.

Since I’ve moved to London I’ve been taking public transportation nearly every day. I love it so much. I love not having to own a car, or pay for taxis. I can get anywhere I need to go (including to the veterinarian, with two scared kittens in a carrier), and even though it can take awhile, I don’t mind. I can read a few chapters in a book, listen to a podcast, or just stare out the window, getting lost in my own daydreams.

Until a Phone Talker boards the bus.

Often, they board the bus mid-conversation, which I get. The bus pulls into the stop unexpectedly, and they don’t want to be rude, so they don’t hang up immediately. If it takes them 30 seconds or so to do as they get settled into their seat, that’s completely understandable.

But so often the Phone Talker seems to forget there are other people around them who might not be as invested in what they’re cooking for dinner, or whether Bob is going to close the deal. People who cannot escape these calls because they, too, need to be on this bus.

If I’m boarding at the same time as a Phone Talker, I can usually at least position myself as far from them as possible. But in other cases that’s not possible, like when folks decide to initiate a phone call mid-ride. And why not, right? There’s clearly nothing the other 40 people on the bus are more invested in than whether their fellow passenger’s sister caught Grey’s Anatomy last night, and what she thinks about April’s storyline.*

Obviously it is absurd to expect a silent bus; these aren’t the Amtrak quiet cars. People have conversations with the friends sitting next to them, or engage in a little “I Spy” with their kids. But phone conversations are harder to tune out. Plus, Phone Talkers believe they must shout to be heard on the phone. If the bus is crowded, they’ll yell even louder so they can hear themselves over the din of their fellow commuters. Some will wear headphones, but others won’t, and the worst offenders will put the other person on speaker.

I get that people have busy lives, and that often a bus ride (or a lounge at the airport) offers a chunk of time to get caught up on life. But the thing is no one else wants — or needs — to hear the details of what’s going on in your life. If you’re in a public place, and other people can’t easily get away from you, then unless there is an actual emergency (and no, your friend deciding between locations for his honeymoon is not an emergency), I would argue that you should not be talking on the phone other than to say “Hey, I’m on the bus, can I call you back in 10 minutes?”

But if that’s absolutely impossible, and this is literally the only time you have to talk to someone you absolutely must talk to, then please at least be considerate of those around you. Move to a less populated part of the bus. Use your indoor voice.

And for the sake of all that is good in the world, don’t put the phone on speaker.

*Yeah, I still watch it.