Five Stars

Best for:
All of humanity (but mostly the privileged folks).

In a nutshell:
Philosopher Garrett makes his case for the reasons we should be kind, and the ways people falter at it.

Worth quoting:
“The problem is not that oppressed people don’t empathize enough with their oppressors; the problem is that privileged folk don’t empathize enough with the oppressed.”

“Our beliefs about the inevitability of certain forms of suffering are intimately connected with our beliefs about what type of world is possible.”

“If you believe rules are the source of your duty to be kind and abstain from cruelty, you will be kind only to the extent that the rules demand.”

“Many people, for instance, mistake those rules of property and ownership upon which our capitalist system is built for moral rules, and they limit their empathy for that reason.”

“Kindness isn’t a complicated matter; in the end it comes down to whether you choose to look or to look away.

Why I chose it:
It had cute illustrations – plus I love a good book on kindness because I know I am not as kind as I’d like to be.

Review:
I knew this was going to be a special book when I got to page 5 and found an illustration of two whales. One says ‘Mama, how do we know when we’ve crossed from one ocean to another?’ and the mama whale responds ‘We don’t. Borders are socially constructed and you should be wary of anyone who takes them too seriously.’ Such adorable and profound illustrations fill this clever take on philosophy, morality, and empathy. There are turtles, dogs, birds, butterflies and other creatures imparting simple but important words of wisdom.

Garrett is a philosopher, and though this book is easy to read, it definitely has some aspects that remind of philosophy books and papers I read at university. His project with the book is to answer two questions: why are we kind, and why aren’t we kinder. The answer to the first question, he argues, is because of empathy, and the answer to the second question, is because of mistakes we make that ‘switch that empathy off.’

Early on he argues that many disagreements on particulars happen because we haven’t agreed to the underlying parameters or basic premises of the issues. If we’re starting from vastly different places, it is not surprising that we’ll feel as though we are talking past one another.

At this point and at many times throughout the book, Garrett is clear that he is not arguing that everyone makes the same number and type of empathy-limiting mistakes – this quote from above is critical to keep in mind throughout: “The problem is not that oppressed people don’t empathize enough with their oppressors; the problem is that privileged folk don’t empathize enough with the oppressed.”

Once Garrett has made his first argument about empathy and kindness, he turns to what he considers ‘empathy limiting mistakes.’ These are reasons why people essentially aren’t kinder. But first, he spends an entire chapter talking about how these mistakes are not evenly distributed throughout society – those with more power are often choosing or allowing themselves to make these mistakes, which result in them retaining more power of the people who they are choosing not to empathize with.

The chapter on the types of mistakes is enlightening, and includes things like false beliefs; ignorance / lack of knowledge; failure of imagination; a limited conception of morality (e.g. just following the rules of a religion, but not allowing for the idea that things not covered by those rules might also be unkind).

Once he’s explored in detail and provided examples of how each of these mistakes leads to a lack of kindness, he spends a chapter on how to improve empathy. This includes things like listening, treating people as experts in themselves, listening to those who are multiply oppressed, avoid being defensive, and being present.

I loved this book. I loved the sincerity and honesty with which Garrett approaches this topic. I love that he points out that ‘it costs nothing to be kind’ is a pretty limited conception of kindness – if we’re doing it right, it may very well cost us a lot to be kind, and that’s okay. I keep thinking about this book and I’ll be thinking about it for awhile.

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
Keep / Buy for everyone

Four Stars

Best for:
All of, us collectively, as a society, who are fed up with the expectations that we just work work work.

In a nutshell:
Author Petersen explores how the Millennial generation has been put into basically a really shit situation.

Worth quoting:
“This isn’t a personal problem. It’s a societal one — and it will not be cured by productivity apps, or a bullet journal, or face mask skin treatments, or overnight fucking oats.”

“Just because middle-class parents decided that a certain style of parenting is superior doesn’t mean it empirically is.”

“By cloaking the labor in the language of ‘passion,’ we’re prevented from thinking of what we do as what it is: a job, not the entirety of our lives.”

Why I chose it:
Although I’m a Xennial, I can definitely relate to the feeling of just being completely exhausted by the world and the expectations of all of us.

Review:
Author Peterson has written an interesting and important book, though in the end, I’m not sure it is telling us anything we don’t already know, at least those of us who are paying attention.
This book was written before the ‘Great Resignation’ became a thing, which makes it quite prescient.

She starts by looking at how we got here – essentially the values and pressures put on people by their parents. She’s not blaming the previous generation exactly, just discussing how their lives were different than the lives of their children. It reminds me of something I’ve read elsewhere – Boomers love to belittle Millennials for demanding ‘participation trophies,’ but the Boomers are the ones who taught them to expect those trophies – so why are the Millennials the ones being derided?

From there, the book focuses on what so many of us know – how for many of us, our lives have been a constant hustle. Get the best grades you can while also playing a sport, learning an instrument, and volunteering so you can go to a good university. Get the best grades there, along with perhaps some unpaid work experience (though only for those who can afford that), and then get a job. Which will pay you very little, and take up so much of your time that you have no time for living.

So yeah, folks are burnt out.

Peterson explores a variety of things that contribute to this: the digital age forcing work into every aspect of our lives; parenthood and how much energy that requires; unfair and unequal division of labor.

There’s so much in here and I think a lot of people would benefit from reading it. And while there are loads of reminders in there about the lives we all live individually, Peterson make a point to not offer specific solutions. There’s nothing here that a better time management method will fix – this is a problem with our society. Demanding people work eight or more hours a day, five days a week, commute 2 or 3 hours a day, raise children, with insufficient pay and very little support is a society that needs to be overturned at a systemic level.
We collectively need to take control back from the people who think its just fine for us all to work ourselves beyond exhaustion.

And until then, we definitely need to stop judging other people who might not go to university, or who might not parent the way we would, or who are living their lives in ways that we might not (but perhaps that we wish we could). The system is fucked up and people are doing their best to survive it.

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
Keep & Recommend to a Friend

Three Stars

Best for:
Anyone looking for some ideas for how to take better care of themselves.

In a nutshell:
Writer Schuster had a bit of a rough childhood, and so has been essentially exploring how to parent herself, and grow into the person she wants to be.

Worth quoting:
‘Life is not always a list of problems to be solved; sometimes it’s actually made up of fun and ease and beauty and laughter.’

‘There is no special prize at the end of life for “the busiest.”’

Why I chose it:
Honestly? The cover’s pretty cool. Also I like a bit of a vulgar title.

Review:
This was a fun book to read. It felt a bit indulgent (to read, not to write), but also there is some pretty cool stuff in here. One of the pull quotes from a review calls it ‘Wild meets You Are a Badass’, and I kind of agree? I don’t know if there is anything groundbreaking or earth shattering in here, but honestly? Sometimes I do like to be reminded that when possible, life should be enjoyed.

Now, obviously, one could view that as a pretty superficial or possibly naive view of the world. What if you have a health issue? What if you have no money? What if you’re facing some really serious problems? Who has time to, essentially, buy the fucking lilies when you aren’t sure where your next meal is coming from?

But if you approach the book for what it is – namely, suggestions and tips that the author has tried that have helped her grow as a person, enjoying her life more, starting from a place of some level of privilege – then I think it’s pretty good. Suggestions related to friendships, to self-awareness, and to personal values are ones I’ve started to incorporate. Others, mostly about diet / exercise / drinking or about finding a partner, I skimmed over because those aren’t so relevant to me right now.

The author is a good writer – the book is conversational and at times a bit funny. For what it is, I think it’s a pretty good read.

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
Recommend to a Friend

Three Stars

Best for:
People looking for some conversation-starting ethical starting points.

In a nutshell:
Ethics professional Liautaud explores a bunch of questions and what the ‘right’ thing might be to do in each.

Worth quoting:
“So I try my best to be careful about making choices that affect the people who will be living with them.”

Why I chose it:
I like accessible pop philosophy books.

Review:
And yet … I need to stop buying pop philosophy books. I’m almost always disappointed. (Except How to Be Perfect. That was fun.) This book is fine, though some parts did frustrate me enough to make me underline a whole lot and write a lot in the margins.

The book breaks the questions down into six sections: family and friends; politics, community and culture; work; technology; consumer choices, and health. She includes questions like: “Should you read your child’s or teenager’s diary or journal?”; “Should voting be mandatory?”; “Should your employer have a say in what you post on your private social media?”; “Should robots have rights?”; “Is purchasing organic food and products a more ethical choice?”; “Would you be in favor of editing the genes of human embryos?”

It’s got a great range of questions, and I think I might have enjoyed the book more with a book club so we could have some good discussions, though some of the questions in the book are pretty straightforward for me, while for the author she sees nearly everything in shades of gray. That’s not necessarily bad, and I think she makes some great arguments against binary thinking in certain circumstances, but there was a bit too much bet-hedging for me.

The chapter that got me frustrated was looking at the question “Should CEOs speak out about important social and political issues of the day?” And her response was basically nope. As though CEOs don’t owe anything to their employees or customers other than dividends. Yuck.

(Also, once again, can philosophers please stop referencing Peter Singer! Ugh.)

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
Donate it

Four Stars

Best for:
Fans of Icelandic crime books.

In a nutshell:
Ten years ago, a woman died. Someone went to jail for that murder. Ten years later, friends get together to commemorate the death, and another person dies. This time, the friends are literally on a deserted island, so … it’s gotta be one of them. Right?

Worth quoting:
N/A

Why I chose it:
This is the second in the Hidden Iceland series. I enjoyed the first one. Plus at this point I’ll read basically anything by Ragnar Jónasson.

Review:
This book takes place roughly 20 years before The Darkness. It’s an interesting way to write a series (and the final book apparently takes place 40 years before The Darkness), but it worked in this case. It starts in 1988, with a vignette that will later become relevant. There is a death, an investigation, and ultimately an arrest. The bulk of the book takes place in 1998, 10 years to the weekend of the anniversary of that death. And, once again, someone dies.

Hulda Hermannsdóttir is the main investigator on the second death, and some of what we know about Hulda from the first (but chronologically later) book comes into play here, but you don’t have to have read the first book to understand this one. Hulda is a middle-aged woman trying to make it in a very male profession, and has some frustrating encounters with her colleagues.

Obviously as a crime book I can’t say much more, but I will say that that first vignette had me guessing for a bit as to who the first victim was, which was a nice little addition to the overall main focus of the book, which is what happened to the second victim. As an added bonus, the setting for the second death is a real island off the south coast of Iceland. An island with literally just one building.

Yeah, I’d probably pass on a trip out there…

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
Recommend to a Friend

Three Stars

Best for:
New moms looking for some solidarity.

In a nutshell:
Author Jessi Klein shares brutally honest stories from her life raising a tiny human as an older mother.

Worth quoting:
If I’d had a hard copy I’d probably have underlined a bunch, but it was an audio book, so I didn’t capture any.

Why I chose it:
I generally like her stuff.

Review:
I don’t have kids, and I’m not having kids. So this book is not for me, and my review should be read from that lens. My review is for other people like me, who might be thinking about picking this book up even though they don’t have any kids, nor do they want any. But maybe they have friends who do.

Klein’s writing reminds me a bit of a previous book I read – “All Joy and No Fun.” I absolutely get that Klein loves her son, and I even get the sense that she is happy being a mother. But being a mother, as described by her, sounds brutal. Like, really, really rough. And she has access to a nanny and had a lot of support. Like, if it was just a matter of it ‘taking a village,’ she should be all set. And yet she clearly isn’t.

One thing that stuck with me was the advice her son’s teacher gave about putting together small books when changes are coming, to walk the child through the change so he can be prepared. Man, that’s a great idea. I might start doing that for myself for changes, just to keep myself calm.

I don’t think that parenting is easy for the primary caregiver really ever. But my goodness, this book definitely makes it sound like something pretty freaking brutal. And honestly, probably more people could benefit from some of this type of frank discussion if they are at all on the fence about having kids.

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
Donate it (if I had a physical copy)

Three Stars

Best for:
Brand new managers of people

In a nutshell:
Basic, graphic-heavy guide to some things to keep in mind as a people manager.

Worth quoting:
N/A, though I did take lots of notes.

Why I chose it:
I’m new to managing people.

Review:
I have been working full time for over 20 years but have somehow managed to never really be a ‘boss.’ I’ve managed interns, and managed staff on loan from other agencies, but I’ve not hired or let people go, or really had any say in much of their work. I was promoted late last year, and just was able to hire my replacement, who I am also going to line manage. I think she deserves a good line manager, so I’m taking classes, talking to people who I think are good line managers and, of course, reading books on the subject.

The book is under 100 pages and divided into four chapters: understanding yourself, interacting with others, managing a team, and leading others. The information was helpful, and I found the section on interacting with others to be helpful. The authors clearly pull from a lot of other management writing out there, so I’m not entirely sure how much comes from them directly, but having all the ideas in one place is convenient.

Overall I think the book is absolutely fine, though I’m not thrilled with the decidedly corporate feel of it. There’s definitely some jargon, and a focus on creating ‘value’ for the company. I work in a quasi public / sort of non-profit field (higher education), and haven’t worked for the fully private sector in 18 years, but I know many people do work in corporations, so I get why that’s the assumption of the main audience. But there are some things that make me think – if this is what the authors this is good management / good work, can I trust the other things they say that are diametrically opposed to my values? An example is when thinking about a value a worker should have, they talk about working extra hours for a customer. Why is overwork the go-to example for something we should laud and emulate? How about the value of hiring enough people to do the job so no one has to work extra hours?

As I said, I did take notes, and I’m sure I’ll refer back to this at some point. It’s a fine starting point, but I’m looking forward to reading some more involved writing.

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
Keep

Two Stars

Best for:
People who are really into creative non-fiction essays.

In a nutshell:
Author van den Broeck explores architecture where the architect died under circumstances possibly related to their creation.

Worth quoting:
N/A

Why I chose it:
Normally this would be completely up my alley.

Review:
I made it through about 40% of this book and then had to stop because life is too short to read book that just aren’t doing it for you.

I find books on architecture fascinating, and I like to learn the stories behind buildings. I thought that’s what I was in for with this book, but instead it was less about the buildings and the architects and more about the author’s life. Which is fine! But not the book I thought I was buying, and not really the book that I think it is selling.

I’d expect a book like this, looking into the facts and history around not just buildings but also the people who built them would have loads of footnotes or endnotes. A bibliography. An index. This book has none of that. I’m sure Van den Broeck did a lot of research, but I don’t know what her sources are, and I find that a bit concerning in a book that is presented as having some basis in research and fact.

The other issue is that each chapter feels a bit like when I’m looking for a recipe online and have to scroll through like 75% of the page learning about the poster’s childhood and life story before I find out how to make easy drop biscuits. I appreciate I’m getting a free service in that case, but also, I’m really not that interested in all that. Same here – I’m sure the author is an interesting person, but I’m not that interested in her life story. It’s always tangentially related to the topic, and I know that non-fiction books can have a hearty element of personal anecdotes (No Place to Go managed to weave a lot of the author’s experience into the book without it feeling like an autobiography). But in this book, it just didn’t work for me.

(Side note, whomever is the publicist for this book is CRUSHING IT. Seriously, this book is prominently displayed in like every bookstore I’ve been in the past month (and I’ve been in like five). It’s, as always, completely possible that I have totally missed the point, but I’m not so sure.)

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
Donate it

Four Stars

Best for:
People who like a little bit of a mystery but also a character study.

In a nutshell:
Zoe and Hailey are in Berlin for a study abroad art school year. Except classes are only once or twice a month. So what should they do to fill the time? How about host a casino / house party once a week?

Worth quoting:
N/A

Why I chose it:
It came in the Books That Matter subscription this month.

Review:
I had a goal at the start of the year to alternate fiction and non-fiction. Didn’t really happen, and after a run of like seven non-fiction books, I decided to read this. I have an affinity for Berlin, plus this book was set in the fairly recent past (2008), so it has a bit of nostalgia associated with it (and no smart phones!).

Zoe is the protagonist here. Her best friend has just been murdered, but that isn’t really the central mystery of the book. However, it does hover over Zoe, especially since Zoe has been dating her dead best friend’s ex boyfriend. Yikes. Zoe decides to take a year in Berlin with Hailey, heiress to a Grocery Store fortune, and sort of a stranger to our main gal.

They happen to luck out with an amazing apartment in Berlin – owned by Beatrice, who is a famous mystery novel author who will be at a writing retreat in Austria for the year. Score!

But it turns out perhaps the apartment comes with a catch. When Zoe and Hailey luck into a free fancy roulette wheel and a lot of amazing vintage party clothes (it does actually make sense in the book), they decide to throw huge fantastic parties every Friday night. But at some point they wonder if maybe they are being watched?

That’s all I’ll share from the plot. The writing is great, and the characters are developed from the perspective of Zoe, in that we get her thoughts, but everyone isn’t totally one-dimensional. And the story is a bit absurd, sure, but not so out of bounds that it feels unbelievable. We see Zoe struggle with the loss of her best friend, the weirdness of her relationship with the ex Jesse, and finding her way with new roommate Hailey. She’s just twenty, in a city where she knows no one, and has really nothing to do except explore and have fun. It can be dangerous to have that much freedom without some training on how to use it safely.

Best part? The author manages to totally stick the landing. It’s got a great ending.

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
Recommend to a Friend

Four Stars

Best for:
Anyone who feels a bit overwhelmed by life. Anyone who doesn’t, but still wants some suggestions for how to slow down and calm down.

In a nutshell:
Buddhist monk and professor Sunim offers reflections on ways to more deeply experience different aspects of life: rest, mindfulness, passion, relationships, love, life, the future, and spirituality.

Worth quoting:
“Unless we recognize the still point beneath the surface of our changing emotions, we will feel we are hostage to their whims.”

“When you make a mistake, simply ask yourself what you were meant to learn from it.”

Why I chose it:
Life is a lot right now. Right now? Always? Who knows. But I’d rather enjoy what I can than stress about what I cannot change, and I’m always looking for fresh (or reliable) takes on how to do that.

Review:
A book on slowing down that actively makes the reader feel calm? Sounds like a good book. And it is.

As I mentioned above, the book is split into eight sections, and each section includes a couple of short essays, and then some quotes or brief reflections / statements. They are a bit all over the place, but not in a bad way. It’s not so much a book of inspirational quotes; it’s more like a collection of somewhat related thoughts that the author wants to share with the reader. It feels almost like poetry, but it isn’t, at least not in the traditional sense.

Reading this book gave me more of a feeling than an intellectual reaction, if that makes sense. Some words rung true and are things I already incorporate into how I live my life; others were new and things I wanted to try to take on. And still others – nope. Couldn’t relate, can’t relate, or just disagree. But that’s okay. Everything is not for everyone.

The book also includes some lovely illustrations. Usually I sort of glance over such illustrations, but they are interesting and a bit fantastical and calming as anything. A cool addition to what is already a nice reading experience.

Will I all of a sudden be calmer, less stressed, more able to see the things that matter in the world? Probably not. But I think this book, and other like it, move me in that direction.

Recommend to a Friend / Keep / Donate it / Toss it:
Recommend to a Friend + Keep