Dear Ad Company Handling Dunkin’ Donuts:

Please Stop.

Stop. Please. I get what you’re going for. It may even be working, with some people. But it’s really annoying, and false. You’re going for this all-american, nutrition-be-damned, just feel good and eat crap demographic. And clearly, it is a large demographic. Intelligence is uncool; lowest common denominator is awesome. Starbucks is snobby; Dunkin’ Donuts is AMERICAN.

Except? It’s not. It’s really quite icky. And a bit condescending.

What bothers me at the moment is the latest ad campaign, picking on the fact that Starbucks uses those pretentious venti / grande labels for their sizes. And I fully admit that they are silly, but they are also a branding thing. The words we use for most coffee drinks originate in other languages; they extended it to the sizes. Not sure if I would go for it, and it certainly also panders to a type. But there’s some thought behind it.

As opposed to what we have at Dunkin’ Donuts. They’ve built a campaign around how silly it is that one has to order in ‘another language’ at other places, but not at Dunkin’ Donuts. Order in AMERICAN, damn it. Except Latte?  The drink you specifically mention in the ads? That’s from Italian for ‘milk’. It’s like no one bothered to think it through. You still have to order in another language, even at Dunkin’ Donuts. So really, its irrelevant.

Also? America doesn’t run on Dunkin’. America’s collective BMI increases on Dunkin’. America’s blood pressure and cholesterol runs on Dunkin’.

So . . . 

Please.  Stop.

For policy wonks like me, nights like tonight are like crack. Addictive, non-nutritive, and resulting in a bad morning after. But I’ve still been glued to CNN since I got home at 5:30 PM (I’ll switch to MSNBC when the roommate comes home, since she can’t stand the Wolf), and I may just stay up until 11 to wait for the California polls to close.

Oooh, hi Anderson Cooper! It’s me! I was three rows behind you at the Kathy Griffin show last week. You’re smaller in person than I thought you’d be. Do you have a cold? Poor baby.

Anyway, back to the primaries. This has been going on since January 3, I believe. But really since last summer. It has to stop. We’re all so excited to get someone, anyone in office to replace the current inhabitants, but you know what? There’s still a president in office, and he’s still screwing things up. He’s got an entire year left to continue making horrible choices regarding the war, the environment, health care, education. A full quarter of this term is left, but people are being distracted by the election for the next president. And as much as I love this, I don’t think it’s good, the way it is now. Something needs to be done to stop the endless campaigning. Something also needs to be done to get the media to focus on issues, but that’s for another post…

For now, I choose to blame Iowa and New Hampshire. These states insist (demand) that they go first. Because otherwise, they’d only be known for government buy-outs of surplus corn that screw up the developing world and license plates that some find offensive, respectively. I get it – the big states get all the glory, and the only way for the smaller ones to get in on the action is to go first. But I have a solution.

Now, this is just the rough draft, so feel free to offer up suggestions.

Every four years, the primaries (the voting, at least) lasts for just five Saturdays in a row. These Saturdays are in mid April-early May (ending the Saturday before Memorial Day Weekend), thus hopefully avoiding issues of severe weather. Each Saturday, only 10 states hold their primaries/caucuses. They are the same for the Republicans and the Democrats, and they are chosen randomly, by either a computer or the President. It could even be a big event, like the draft lottery, minus the fear of death.

Now, you have two options: either the order becomes static, so in 2012, it would be Group A, B, C, D and E, then in 2016 it would be Group B, C, D, E and A, etc.; or you re-draw every four years. And the non-state states, like Puerto Rico, American Samoa and Guam would be spread out evenly among the five Saturdays. The polls would open later (let’s say 9 or 10 AM), and close much later to account both for those who work in non-traditional jobs and those who are observant Jews who wouldn’t be able to go out to vote until after sunset.

While some states would still be less than relevant, there would be no guarantees of which ones those would be. And that’s key, I think.

I’m a huge fan of the first amendment, so I can’t see myself supporting a law limiting when people can campaign, but I would LOVE to see all parties agree to campaigning limits, and have a campaign blackout the week leading up to election day – which would switch to a Wednesday, and be a holiday.

Man, when I’m Queen, things are going to be so much easier. Of course, we won’t have to deal with this silly primary business in the same way, since the President will be little more than a figurehead . . .

Aa ruling has just come down from the Supreme Court saying that the EPA does indeed have the authority under the Clean Air Act to regulate CO2 emissions from cars. The EPA under this president has argued that they do not.  

But the Supreme court did not say the EPA has to do this.  Arg.