ASK Musings

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Wednesday

1

October 2014

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COMMENTS

Introvert. Extrovert.

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I’m trying to write a blog post a day during the month of October. Today’s topic? Energy. Specifically, what gives us energy, what exhausts us, and what to do about it.

I spent the day at a work event that required me to solve problems, perform tasks, be friendly, keep the people working for me happy, and make sure that we met all of our objectives. I was also required to do this without a real break. By noon I was drained; by about 4:30 I was ready to crawl under the table. I need time to myself to do my best work – it’s how I’ve always been. I need the space to puzzle things over in my head and not be around people while that’s happening. I don’t thrive in fast-paced situations; I get through them and I get the work done well, but I hate pretty much every moment of it.

At the end of today’s exercise, one of my employees stopped to talk with me before heading home. She’d had just as long of a day, and did some really great work. She pointed out that this type of situation really shows the differences in people. She said she hadn’t felt that energized at the end of a work day in a really long time, and commented that days when she’s mostly working at her desk she leaves feeling drained. Meanwhile, I was at the end of my rope but knew that after about 20 minutes of being completely alone I would start to feel like myself again. I wondered what it must be like to get that kind of energy from these situations.

I am an introvert. I need time and space. I get a lot of energy from being alone, or being with just one other person, and in those moments I feel like I can do awesome things. When I don’t get the time to process things, or the space away from a whole lot of external stimulation … I do slightly less awesome things, and my stress levels are ridiculously high. In those moments I have to turn myself into someone I’m not to fit into what’s expected, which further drains whatever energy I had stored up. It sucks.

The issues introverts face are getting more play recently. I read a book about it earlier this year, and saw that this article talks more specifically about workplace introverts. Another one also offers a few comments about introverts in general (and the myths about us). So much of society assumes that the work is done by the extroverts, because they can thrive very publicly, while the third of us who get energy from within are seen as too slow to keep up with the pace of the modern workplace. I think that’s bull, but I also see it reinforced in everything from the way offices are set up (cubicles are the least productive spaces for me – I need a door to close and a way to keep the noise out) to the desire to hold networking events at cocktail hour with dozens of people at the end of an already long work day.

In some ways I’m lucky. I can usually find a way to fit myself into a space where I’m not entirely comfortable. I’m outgoing, and I’ve learned to provide employers what they want even if its not how I would go about doing it. You want me to respond to a question without having time to think about it? I’ll get you an answer. It won’t be as good as the one I’d have if I had five minutes to think about it, but it will be sufficient. I also have the benefit of (often) controlling my environment. I send meeting agendas and materials out a week in advance so fellow introverts won’t be surprised by the subjects. I do as much preparation as I can so that if I am faced with surprises I am ready to address them. However, if you know me and know the field I work in, you know that at literally any moment of any day I could be called into work and be faced with the exact environment that leads to stress headaches and the consumption of half of a box of chewy chips ahoy at the end of the day. It’s like I’m always just a little bit on edge, and that can’t be healthy.

Tomorrow we’ll continue this exercise, but it will end early, and I’ll have an hour or two at the end of the day to regroup, reflect, and do some good work. We’ll talk about what a stressful situation it was, but many people will talk about how great it was to work in teams to solve these problems. And I’ll nod along, because the people I work with really are great – it’s just the environment that gets to me. And in the back of my mind I’ll be wondering when the next situation will arise that will drain me as much as the one we faced today.

 

Monday

21

April 2014

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COMMENTS

I’m Allowed to Not Drink, You Know

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So the other day I was at an evening work event. There were some delicious appetizers, a bunch of beer and wine, and some fancy sparkling water. Anyone who knows me well knows that I’m not big into beer or wine, but that I love bubbles. So I grabbed a can of the seltzer and was enjoying it when a sweet and well-meaning former colleague came up and said “sparkling water? So? Any chance that a little one is on the way?” I laughed and said no, I just like seltzer water and am driving later, and left it at that. But it bothered me, and I realized it bothered me for a couple of reasons.

The first reason is this idea that adults are required to drink alcohol if it is available. It seems that adults are thought of as abnormal if we choose to drink non-alcoholic beverages when wine or beer are around, and I quite literally do not understand it. I don’t drink often, and when I do, I usually limit it to one or two drinks at the most. And I certainly don’t drink if I’m going to be driving in the next couple of hours. I like some alcoholic beverages (sparkling wine, Irish whiskey, rum-based tropical delights), but they are definitely what I would consider ‘sometimes’ things. I get that many people enjoy beer or wine every night, but I’ve reached the point where I find it a little bizarre that the default assumption of adulthood seems to be “evening + gathering of other adults = MUST DRINK.” Why is that? I don’t recall agreeing to that.

And to be as clear as possible – there is nothing wrong, in my opinion, with drinking wine. Or beer. Or liquor. I don’t think people should do that before driving, obviously, but I get that many people drink. A quick Googling for some data shows that in the U.S., on average, adults consume about 4 drinks per week. I probably consume maybe that many per month, so obviously some people are going to consume more. But somehow it has gotten so engrained in society that adults are going to drink at night, that someone choosing not to do so needs some sort of reason – in my case, since I’m a woman of childbearing age, it must be because I’m expecting. I don’t like that. I’d like to be able to choose whatever beverage sounds good and not have it somehow be a signal to the world that I’m in the midst of growing a human.

The second reason that bothered me is that whether I’m pregnant or not is really no one’s business. Again, anyone who knows me at all is VERY clear about the fact that if I’m pregnant, a) something has gone horribly, horribly wrong, and b) I’m not going to be pregnant for long. So even asking me that question shows that you and I? We’re not that close. And since we AREN’T that close, why would you feel it necessary to ask me such a personal question? If I were pregnant and wanted you to know, guess what? I’d tell you.

Now, I can’t speak for women who actually have been pregnant and have faced these situations, but they always strike me as very uncomfortable. I feel that asking if someone is expecting (whether it is due to abstention from alcohol or not) puts women who ARE pregnant in an unfair situation: either they tell the person they are (even if they had no intentions of doing that), or they can lie and say no. Again, if someone wants me to know they are pregnant, I really, strongly believe that it’s up to them to tell me. Sure, I’ve asked friends about timelines, in terms of a ‘hey, are you guys still thinking about going the kid route?’ more from a wanting to know what’s up in general frame, and it’s possible I’ve even forgotten myself and veered into the territory about which I’m currently complaining. Especially with really close friends – I know I’ve been tempted to want to ask how things are going when they’ve faced reproductive challenges. I want them to know I care! But over the years I’ve learned that there are ways to express support for those friends without repeatedly asking “are you pregnant now? How about now? How about … now? I see you didn’t have any beer tonight – are you finally expecting?!” I get the curiosity when someone knows that people want children, but I think it’s a really good thing to remember that people will tell me when they feel it is appropriate, and my timeline of wanting to know really doesn’t factor into it.

Are these superficial things to complain about? Possibly. But I do think they demonstrate a couple of broader problems. I think the fact that people need to find a reason for why someone chooses not to drink shows that we don’t really have a healthy relationship with alcohol in our society. It’s almost as if some people who do choose it feel insecure about that decision, and want to be reassured that it’s acceptable to have that glass of wine. I just wish they’d keep their issues to themselves, or at the very least, consider asking WHY they care about what I choose to drink.

I think it’s fairly obvious that the idea that an individual woman’s reproductive choices are fair game for discussion by anyone is problematic, and this is just but one teeny tiny (and possibly not that common?) example of the entitlement to know about those choices. It’s just one manifestation of how women of a certain age are seen almost as public property, even by those with the best and sweetest of intentions. Again, I wish more people would just take that second to think “hey, if she were pregnant, she’d probably tell me when she wanted to” and leave it at that.

Sunday

6

October 2013

0

COMMENTS

My Time Counts

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The only time I’ve ever really raised my voice at work was back when I was in NYC. I was employed by the City, but funded by a federal grant. We had switched time-keeping systems, and were asked to sign off on our time sheets each week. Because I was exempt (didn’t earn overtime), I was supposed to just report the same number of hours a day (seven, usually – we worked a 35-hour week), every day, regardless of how much I really worked. Which meant that if I spent 12 hours at my desk, my time sheet still said seven hours. And we had to sign off saying something to the effect of “I affirm that these are my true hours.” One day I pointed out that every time I signed that when I had worked more than seven hours in a day, or 35 hours in a week, I was lying. The raised voices came when I pointed this out to the person responsible for time keeping and she yelled “What’s the problem? JUST SIGN IT!” to which I responded something along the lines of “WHY IS EVERYONE OKAY WITH LYING?”

In my current position, I face the same thing. Once again I work for local government, and once again I am federally funded. Every week I have to certify online that the hours I have worked, as entered into the system, are accurate. Even, again, if I’ve worked a Saturday, I’m not allowed to enter those hours. If I come in late because of a doctor’s appointment, I’m just supposed to say I worked the full day. And every time I hit the submit button, I have to click that I certify that these are the hours that I truly worked. And this isn’t some sort of ‘shhh’ work around of the system – this is the official county policy.

I don’t get why this is. I understand that we need to track our hours, as we are grant funded, and the funders want to make sure the money is going where we say it is going. What I don’t understand is why no one is interested in finding out exactly how much time we all *really* work. There’s this ridiculous idea that government employees don’t work hard. There are clearly some people who work for government – as in EVERY organization – who are lazy, and who do the bare minimum. But I promise you, there were just as many people doing the bare minimum when I worked in the private sector. So I already cringe at this notion. But the fact there is a way to measure at least the time we put in – why, if we’re already required to track our hours, are we not allowed to track ALL of our hours? If it’s a flaw in the software system (we use a popular one that is made by the private sector, and used in many offices), I have to say build a better system. Build a system that recognizes how many hours we are to work each two-week pay period, and allow us to actually enter it all. It shouldn’t be hard, and it would allow me to not cringe every two weeks when I hit submit on the computer screen knowing that those 80 hours? Not the time I’m putting in. And it would allow us to see that maybe there’s more work to be done than hours to do it in, so we could make arguments for more positions, or changes in work load. Those hours could be classed as ‘unfunded,’ and we could show grantors that not only are they getting their money’s worth, they’re getting a lot more than that. And we could show the public at least one (admittedly small) measure of what we do.

Monday

11

February 2013

0

COMMENTS

New Volunteer Round! 2013 Team Works Project 1

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Two or three times a year Austin and I volunteer through the Team Works program at Seattle Works. It’s a cool way to meet people (and why I signed up when I moved back in 2010); you may remember my attempts to get money from you all this December on their behalf. In Team Works, a group of around 15 people volunteer at different projects, one Saturday per month, for four months. We’re working for four hours at a clip, doing things like pulling blackberry bushes and laying mulch at King County Parks, recycling expired car seats, or painting a not-for-profit’s interior space. It can be a lot of fun, and is often a lot of hard work.

This round started off yesterday with a stint at Roots, an overnight shelter for young men and women (18-25). They provide nightly accommodations for up to 45 guests, including dinner and breakfast, as well as an opportunity to take a shower. Austin had actually volunteered there in the past. 

This was a project that didn’t require a lot of tough outdoor manual labor, which was pretty welcome on a chilly February day. We spent the day stuffing the quarterly newsletter with donation envelopes, sealing them up and labeling them for mailing. It took twelve of us a little over three hours to get through it all, but I can’t imagine how long it would have taken one or two volunteers.

Next month we’ll be at Marra Farm. Hopefully we’ll have some good weather and have fun getting our hands dirty. 

Thursday

22

November 2012

0

COMMENTS

November 22: Thankful for …

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… so very, very much. As I wrap up this month of posts leading up to today, I’m thinking of all the different Thanksgivings I’ve been lucky enough to share. From ones with extended family through middle school, to the small, simple (and relaxed!) Thanksgivings with just my parents through my college years, to the last 13 Thanksgivings spent in Omaha, Brooklyn, Pittsburgh, London/Dublin, Seattle and Munich, I associate this day with the family I was born into and the families I’ve created and joined over the years.

So today I am thankful for my parents, my sister, Austin, my friends from here, from across the country and across the ocean. 

And kittens. Because, come on. Kittens.

175

Thursday

22

November 2012

0

COMMENTS

Final Real Food Weekly Wrap Up

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Well, that was an interesting and challenging experiment We’ve stopped a bit early, leaving the remaining challenges unmet: have at least one locally-produced food item at each meal (we do this already for the most part); go a week with no sweeteners in anything (please); and limit prepared foods to just five or six ingredients (something I’ve been trying to do since I first read over the challenges).

The blog I was consulting for these ideas is not particularly original and has some issues, but I definitely responded well to having things broken down into manageable bites (literally and figuratively). We are definitely continuing to incorporate some items into our food decisions: 100% whole grain, two fruits or vegetables at each meal (that one is still hard but kind of fun). limiting fried and fast foods, not buying things with added sweeteners (or at least added artificial or highly processed sweeteners); avoiding refined oils, purchasing local/organic meat; cutting processed foods with more than five or six ingredients. Which, when it’s written out like that: duh. I don’t think any of this is surprising to people who have read anything on food and health (or, frankly, anyone who has caught the evening news over the last decade). But I think there was definitely value in challenging ourselves. It’s led us to find some awesome new items (like these super fantastically yummy corn tortillas) and forced us (well, let’s be honest, me) to confront the sheer volume of added sweeteners in our diet. We were eating healthful food before, but now we have even more tools to help us make even better decisions.

Most of the time.

Tuesday

13

November 2012

0

COMMENTS

Real Food Week 9 Recap and Week 10 Challenge

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Oh man. No sugar for a week? That is REALLY HARD. We started the week a bit off as we learned that our salami has sugar in it. Ooof. After correcting that snack item, we moved forward. I baked some banana bread with honey (and coconut oil – yum!) so I would have some sort of baked good when the cookies at work called to me. I also made some ice cream sweetened with honey, but I also didn’t end up having dessert every night. And you know what? I survived! But it was a challenge – we had to drive to a special bakery to find bread (BREAD) that was both 100% whole grain AND had no sugar in it. Yikes. We did find a loaf at Whole Foods, but they don’t always have it, so that’s not a guarantee. We did eat out a couple of nights – once we had pizza, and it’s likely (although not guaranteed) that the sauce had some added sugar. Sunday night I broke the week’s sugar fast a bit early to make some icing for a cookie-baking get together today. Afterwards I tried out some peppermint ice cream we had in the freezer (SUGAR!) and it honestly felt way too sweet. So maybe over time I can recalibrate my taste buds.

Going forward, we’ve agreed that when we’re buying things to eat at home, no added sugar if it’s at all possible. We actually found a salami that doesn’t have sugar (yay!) or any added sweetener. And now that we know where to look for items, we can more easily cut it out. As for daily consumption, I’m still going to have sweets, but hopefully they’ll be ones I make myself. Sugar will be around, but for now my goal is no added sugar before dinner. I don’t really need a morning muffin from the café or an afternoon hot chocolate.

As for other added sweeteners, this particular challenge suggests that maple syrup and honey are the best because they are the most natural and least processed – but they are still clear that all sweeteners should be used in moderation. However, that isn’t the only concern about sweets. Another issue is how it affects your blood sugar levels, and what that does to the body long-term. It does seem to have less of an effect on blood sugar as compared to table sugar (I’ve yet to find information on how honey impacts blood sugar), but some say that it is basically just as bad for you as high fructose corn syrup. This article, for example, seems to suggest that the glycemic index evidence is debatable, and it’s as not good for you as any other sweetener. I’m a bit torn, and probably won’t seek it out, but I may experiment with it a bit in baking, since if you have to use less than sugar then you’re at least ingesting less of it.

Ugh. It’d be so much easier if I didn’t like my sweets so much! Luckily there’s lots of fresh fruit around – apples and pears especially – so I can go to that for my fix if possible.

This next week we are to avoid all refined oils. This one will be near impossible if we eat anything not made at home from fresh ingredients. But that’s a fun challenge! We’ll avoid fried foods and commercially baked goods, and look to buy things at home to replace the not good items we have now. For example, thanks to the sugar experiment, we found unsweetened ketchup. And since the mayonnaise we have has vegetable oil in it, we’ll have to find a different kind if we want to use mayonnaise in our cooking.

We may take another break after this next week as the challenge is absolutely NO sweeteners (including honey and maple syrup), and it’s Thanksgiving. I’d still like my pie!

Monday

5

November 2012

0

COMMENTS

Real Food Week 8 Wrap-Up and Week 9 Challenge

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Well, this past week was not horrible. It asked us to do what we should be doing always – stop eating when we’re full. Admittedly this would have been a more difficult challenge if we’d eaten out at our favorite Italian restaurant during the week. As it was, the only real time I found myself actively breaking the challenge was on Halloween, when I essentially ate every sweet in sight after we had to cancel our trip to NYC. It wasn’t awesome, but it happens. I found that at times I did end up eating less, although not always, which makes me think that I’m usually pretty good at stopping when I’m full, even in the face of more yumminess. Austin had much the same response.

This week, though, might be quite challenging. No sweeteners except honey and maple syrup. In anything. Which sounds simple enough, unless you eat anything, ever. Seriously – sugar is added TO EVERYTHING. It’s kind of breathtaking. And then there are the actual sweets, which anyone who knows me knows are generally part of my daily routine. So yeah, this is going to be tough. But sorely needed. I’m okay with a week without sugar. Hopefully it will turn into a healthier life, where sugar is really only around on actual special occasions. We shall see …

Tuesday

30

October 2012

0

COMMENTS

Real Food Week Seven and OH MY GOD NYC WHAT THE HELL

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So, first, the easy stuff. Last week was our 100% whole grains only week and it was interesting. Really challenging, but something we’re going to try to keep up. I failed on Saturday with a ginger cookie from Whole Foods; Austin had mac and cheese at a restaurant Friday night. It’s frustratingly hard to find anything 100% whole grain if you aren’t enjoying some fresh corn tortillas or popcorn. I did make the whole spelt pumpkin muffins again so I could have a yummy breakfast treat this week, and bought a ginormous package of 100% whole wheat flour to use in all my baking this fall. Sure, there will be sugar, but there will be fiber.

This week we’re to stop eating before we feel full to give our brains some time to catch up. That is definitely a challenge for me and the flip side, only eating when actually hungry. I snack mindlessly ALL THE TIME so this should be a good, challenging week. Especially with Halloween on Wednesday. Can I avoid eating multiple pieces of candy? We shall see …

But my real focus today, most all day, has been on NYC. I miss my friends there. We’re supposed to fly out there on Thursday night, but with each shocking picture of water pouring into some new construction site or subway station, it seems less and less likely. I’m happy I no longer work the 15-hour shifts of an OEM activation (although I’ve never experienced anything like they’re working right now), but I’m still finding it hard to close the twitter window and not flip between the 49ers game and the updates on MSNBC. It seems like a pretty crazy night so I just want to say I’m thinking of you all and I hope that by mid-day Tuesday, when the second high tide has crested and fallen, the damage is worse than we imagine.