Feels Like Home
On Wednesday I stepped outside of my apartment building in a new pair of running shoes and took off around Green Lake. It was my first run in over a week, thanks to a lingering cold. At that moment, with the sun shining through the clouds and the ground still soaked from a recent downpour, I really felt at home.
I've been struggling with the move from London for awhile. My London friends heard all about it in December, and my Seattle friends have been super understanding as well. Things just didn't feel totally right. And not that things always do, but I had built up the idea of moving back to Seattle for so long, I expected something else. Perhaps I put such high expectations I couldn't help but be disappointed. Basically I felt much more lost than I thought I would at this point in my life.
Then, in January, something clicked. I don't know how. Or why. It probably wasn't any one thing. But my volunteer work actually led to me making new friends. I made the choice to finally look for my own place, and I found a great one. I got a project at work that I really truly enjoy. I even started dating someone.
I don't know how long this settled feeling will last – and I know there are still adventures (oh so many adventures) I want to have, and that at some point I may end up living somewhere else, but I no longer have that terrible feeling in the pit of my gut that I have to get back to London right away no matter what. Of course I still miss everyone there, and more education still appeals to me, but I now feel like I can figure it out better without the stress gnawing at me on a daily basis.
It's a very good feeling.