ASK Musings

Rating:
3.5 Stars

In a nutshell:
What is the cost – and what (if any) are the benefits – of sharing one’s children online?

Best for:
Those interested in the impact of sharing the lives of children on social media.

Quote that made me think:
“There is no child advocate, only the parents.”

Why I chose it:
I for some reason am finding social media quite interesting these days. Possibly because I’m not using it nearly as much as I used to

Review:
I am not a parent, I never will be a parent, and I am way too old for any of my childhood to have been chronicled online. So in theory, this book wouldn’t be of interest to me. But I live in society, and I see how the generations younger than me make use of social media. In some ways, it’s amazing – spreading the call out for activist mobilization, sharing funny videos to entertain folks in tough times. But it also can clearly be a force that harms people. And one of those ways may be in how children are featured by their families (usually mothers) in social media.

Author Latifi is a mother herself, and pitched this book while pregnant, finishing it less than a year post-partum. So she has the perspective not just of a journalist but of a mother. She’s very clear that some of the very social media posts that folks might find questionable because they feature children and babies were helpful for her in some of her most challenging times. And that’s the main dichotomy this book explores – Does the value (some of) these posts provides – in terms of building community, helping mothers not feel alone, sharing stories that might help others – outweigh the harm that can be caused to the children featured in them, especially when children don’t have the capacity to consent.

Latifi explores the history of family vlogging, starting with ‘mommy blogging’ – stories women would share via blog posts that might or might not feature photos of their children. There was a level of community and support that could help mothers who might not have their own community, or who might be experiencing specific things that other mothers online were experiencing. Over time, as social media evolved to feature photos and videos (short- and long-form), ‘mommy vlogers’ and ‘family vlogers’ became staples. By default these would feature children, some as young as freshly born, and some nearly old enough to have their own social media profiles.

We’ve seen what happens when this goes wrong – the Rube Franke case showed that some parents put their children through hell. And there is an underlying connection to things like religious evangelicalism and the ‘tradwife’ movement. But there are also children who seem to enjoy this life. And, as Latifi points out, social media work is one that can offer the type of flexibility (and monetary reward) that few jobs allow working parents. Where she and I differ I think is in her conclusion that while she never would put her kids in that situations, questioning it seem almost misogynistic? I suppose because it is a way of work that is primarily filled by women. But just because it is a choice a woman can make doesn’t make it feminist.

After reading this book, I do appreciate the benefit some of these social media accounts provide to others, essentially recreating a bit of a parasocial ‘village’ support mothers. But I don’t think there is enough done to protect the children whose lives are broadcast online. Latifi explores attempts to have some accountability, but laws are sparse and complicated. And while parents do make a lot of other choices for their children that are essentially irreversible, the internet is public, and it is forever, and to me that makes the choices even more critical.

Would I recommend it to its target audience:
I don’t fully agree with the author’s conclusions, but I think the discussion was important.

Books CBR18