ASK Musings

No matter where you go, there you are.

Monthly Archive: November 2017

Wednesday

29

November 2017

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COMMENTS

Mutants by Armand Marie Leroi

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Three Stars

Best for: People with a strong science background but who maybe stopped studying it after high school or early college, so still get most of the basics but want some more specifics.

In a nutshell: Exploration of the causes of different genetic mutations in humans.

Line that sticks with me: N/A

Why I chose it: I was in a science and technology bookstore and the topic caught my interest.

Review: What causes our genes to act up? Why are some twins conjoined? Why do some people grow to be three feet tall, while others are much taller? Why are some covered in hair? This book seeks to explain, as the subheading suggests, “genetic variety and the human body.”

On paper, this book should have been great for me. It’s non-fiction and it involves medical issues. It has interesting illustrations. But I found parts of it to be a challenge to read, and it’s mostly because it’s over my head. The book has what appears to be accurate information, and author Leroi has obviously done a ton of research into the topic. But it feels more like a well-written text for a 200-level college course than a book that someone who hasn’t taken biology in well over 20 years can easy absorb.

That said, there were parts that were quite fascinating. I found the vignettes of individuals who had the particular genetic profiles being discussed in a given chapter to be interesting. Nearly all are about people from centuries past (I don’t recall any contemporary ones), I suppose perhaps to avoid creating some challenges for people who are still alive.

I’m still unsure about the title. I think I associate the word with the X-men now, or with something negative, when in reality the genetic differences Leroi discusses are often value neutral. Leroi has the challenge of walking the line between sensationalizing the lives of people who were often, in the past, treated poorly and providing information about what, at a cellular level, brings these genetic difference about. To that end, I think both the title and the cover miss the mark a bit.

If the book sounds interesting but you’re hesitant because you think it might be too full of jargon for you, I suggest skipping the chapter on Limbs. I think that was the wordiest for me, and the least interesting. It’s also where I almost gave up, but I’m glad that I pushed through to finish it.

Saturday

25

November 2017

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COMMENTS

My Grandmother Asked Me To Tell You She’s Sorry by Fredrik Backman

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Five Stars

Best for: Anyone who likes a little whimsy in their storytelling

In a nutshell: Almost-eight-year-old Elsa’s grandmother has died, and sent Elsa on a treasure hunt.

Line that sticks with me: “You’d quickly run out of people if you had to disqualify all those who at some point have been shits.” (p 315)

Why I chose it: I enjoyed “A Man Called Ove” very much, and when I purchased it the bookseller said this one is even better.

Review: This book is a lovely look at grief, and the stories we tell ourselves and others. It is not what I expected, but it is even better.

Elsa is almost eight, and her only real friend is Granny, her mother’s mother. Granny smokes and eats cinnamon buns and takes Elsa on adventures, much to the chagrin (so it seems) of Elsa’s mum. Granny and Elsa share a world of fairy tales that span the six kingdoms. Then Granny dies, and Elsa finds herself with a letter to deliver on her Granny’s behalf. Which leads to another letter, and another.

Meanwhile, Elsa and her Mum and stepdad live in a house with multiple apartments, apartments that contain their own stories that might appear to be one thing but are revealed as another. I don’t want to share too much because part of the magic, I think, is in the discovery.

As I said, I didn’t expect this book to be so tied with a land of make-believe, but I’m glad I didn’t realize that because I might not have picked it up. Instead I was treated to a story that I literally did not put down except for a mid-afternoon walk and a dinner-time movie. It took probably six hours to read and I loved every minute. I squealed, I felt punched in the gut, I cried.

Mr. Backman is a deeply talented storyteller, and now I need to go pick up his next book.

Friday

24

November 2017

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COMMENTS

A Uterus is a Feature, Not a Bug by Sarah Lacy

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3 Stars

Best for: Men (because you need to be told); mothers working outside the home who are looking for some support.

In a nutshell: Tech journalist Sarah Lacy makes the case that motherhood is an asset to the workforce, not a detriment.

Line that sticks with me: “It was the men — not the kids — that had proven to be a net negative on many of these women’s careers.” (p 206)

Why I chose it: This is another book by someone in the tech world that my husband thought I might find interesting. He’s recommended a lot recently!

Review: In the first few pages I thought I would love this book. By the middle, I’d almost give up because I thought there was a whole lot of unintentional shaming of people who aren’t mothers. But the last third brought it back around to the point that I think I can give it about three stars (would probably be 2.5 if I did half stars).

The writing itself is fine – Ms. Lacy is a journalist and so knows how to write. But she doesn’t seem to entirely know how to put together a long-form piece. Sometimes this book feels like a memoir, sometimes it feels like a researched piece. Some chapters start with a vignette from her life that then illustrates the content that will be explored on a broader level later in the chapter; others have unrelated vingettes, or none at all. There’s no consistency to the book, so I found it challenging at times to really dive in.

The content, however, is interesting for sure. Ms. Lacy makes a very strong case for all the ways that motherhood is an asset to the workforce, and I appreciate the research she does into this. She sometimes veers into just examining sexism without the connection to motherhood, looking at how marriage (regardless of having children) affects women in heterosexual relationships.

The main problem I have is that, perhaps due to some inartful writing (or perhaps because it is her opinion), much of this book reads as though women who are NOT mothers are somehow incapable of the same achievements of women who are mothers. I don’t think that’s what she’s saying, but as a woman who works outside the home and will never have kids, I’m clearly more attuned to that kind of coded language. On the one hand, I would expect that major life changes would have affect people, and hopefully in a positive way (including motherhood). But I also think that experiencing life in general helps us to grow and make different choices.

I’m not sure how to best articulate this, but there is a way to discuss how life events (having children, getting married, getting divorced) can be seen as a way to improve your life without suggesting that not going through those things means you aren’t improving your life. And I don’t think Ms. Lacy does that very well. There are times where she discussed how mothers can just focus better because they have so many competing priorities they *have* to, and this leads to better productivity. I’m not sure how productivity is defined her, but the way Ms. Lacy discusses it, it sounds like that focus and productivity is only available to women who have kids. That seems disingenuous.

The book is also very gender essentialist – I don’t think how this affects trans men even crossed her mind. For her, uterus = woman. And I know that it is a shift in thinking for a lot of people, and that so much of the sexism and misogyny that exists is based on expectations of cis women; however, I think we’re at a point where our discussions aren’t as rich as they could be when we completely cut out our colleagues who don’t fit into this woman=uterus dimension. Sure, it might complicate the book a little, but I think Ms. Lacy could have figured out a way to work it in.

I’m glad I read the book and, as I said, I think there are lots of folks who will read it and enjoy it; it’s just probably not a book I’ll be recommending to folks like me.

Sunday

19

November 2017

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COMMENTS

What I’m Reading – November 19, 2017

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Transphobia

“Like many other avowed feminists, Reilly-Cooper is bent on “proving” the absurdity of trans identity. More than that, she seeks to reveal how cis, white women like herself are actively harmed by policies and laws which aim to protect transgender individuals from discrimination and ensure their equal access to services. Never mind that this view is completely ignorant of the facts. Never mind the damage this narrative does.” Anti-Trans ‘Feminists’ Are More Dangerous Than Religious Zealots (by Aaron Kappel for The Establishment)

Sexual Harassment and Assault

“There is a path forward, past denial and scandal and shame. There is a path to genuinely being the better person that you want to be. I’m writing this sincerely. I’m writing this because sexual abuse and assault is so very common in our society that chances are, someone I know and love and respect is reading this and knowing that they are guilty. I’m writing this because if we don’t find a way forward, this will keep happening. Even if you never harass or abuse or assault another human being again: If you don’t try to make this right, this will keep happening and you will have helped to enable it.” So You’ve Sexually Harassed Or Abused Someone: What Now? (by Ijeoma Oluo for The Establishment)

“The Democratic party’s failure to speak up for sexual violence victims when they are facing powerful liberal men occurs at all levels of government. Former Seattle mayor Ed Murray resigned in September following six months of accusations that he sexually assaulted five men over three decades ago. While it is surprising that Murray refused to step down for so long, more puzzling was the scarcity of Democratic and liberal leaders pressuring him to do so. Washington state politicians have generated national attention as beacons of liberal resistance since the 2016 election, championing progressive causes and fighting for vulnerable populations. Still, before Murray’s resignation, only two of nine Seattle City Council members called on Murray to resign. Four former mayors, all major state level officials, and mayor-elect Jenny Durkan also retained support for him.” Guest Editorial: The Reckoning Must Also Come for Democrats (by Meredith Logan for The Stranger)

“I felt sick, and then I felt furious. A 13-year-old girl is not all grown up. And even if she had been what we consider grown up, that is not newsworthy. I thought of the media outlets that posted countdown clocks until Emma Watson or Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen were “legal”—that is to say, “safe” fantasy material. These websites also run scare pieces about kidnapped children, teen sex-trafficking, and pedophile predators. Young girls at risk, young girls objectified: It’s all titillation to them. These adults fetishize innocence, and the loss of innocence even more. They know what they’re selling.” Matilda Actress Mara Wilson: A 13-Year-Old Girl Is Not “All Grown Up” (by Mara Wilson for Elle)

Life Choices

“As a person in her late 30’s in a happy childless relationship, I’m in the vast minority. It’s a weird position to be in. Nothing has changed, but really everything has changed. I’m grown up. I’m making huge life decisions on how to live and give and be my best in the time we have on this planet. I’ve realised that I’d dearly love to find others who are trying to work through similar times in their lives. Lives that didn’t revert to permanent teenagehood at the same time as others had children. A place for women to talk positively about these lives in a society that wishes to quiet us down.” Why do we have such a big problem with childfree women? (by Nicole Hind)

Jackasses

“This speaks to a larger problem in activist communities: Too often, our overzealousness and undue willingness to take it upon ourselves to act as judge and jury online lends support and moral weight to virtual abuse. But this particular case merits examination because of the unaccountable credulousness with which too many leftists are still treating Julian Assange and WikiLeaks (the two being one-and-the-same these days). Though his descent into racist, conspiracist Jew-baiting has gone on for a while now, events this election year have drawn it into stark focus.” Are Progressives Being Played By WikiLeaks And Julian Assange? (by Katherine Cross for The Establishment)

Just for Fun

This is a three-year-old article from Lindy West that brought me joy today. Every Outfit Shelley Long Wears in Troop Beverly Hills, Ranked (by Lindy West for Jezebel)

 

Sunday

19

November 2017

0

COMMENTS

The Bright Hour by Nina Riggs

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Four Stars

Best for: People who enjoy memoirs such as When Breath Becomes Air.

In a nutshell: Now-deceased writer Nina Riggs documents her illness from diagnosis onward.

Line that sticks with me: “These are the things we all say at the end of book club now: ‘I love you.’ Of course we do. Why haven’t we been saying that all along?”

Why I chose it: Memoir + death = An ASK Musings staple.

Review: Author Nina Riggs gives us a gift with this book, in that it isn’t filled with terror and it isn’t overly optimistic. I’d imagine that both of those styles of memoir are necessary for people depending on how they view life, but it seems necessary to also have a book that deals with illness and terminal diagnoses via a third path. I won’t say this is more ‘realistic’ that a book full of fear or of hope, because I know everyone experiences life differently.

Ms. Riggs has two sons, but this isn’t a book addressed directly to them (although in the acknowledgments her husband confirms that they hope their sons will better know their mother as they read and re-read it over the years). It isn’t directed to her husband. It doesn’t even feel as though it is directed at women facing similar life events. It’s just a book that explores life and death via the unexpected twists and the fully expected turns. And it is lovely.

Ms. Riggs is the great-great-great-granddaughter of Ralph Waldo Emerson, so there is a lot of discussion of nature and of him. She is also a very big fan of Montaigne, so he pops up frequently as well. But so do her best friends, and family, and neighbors. She takes her kids to school. She goes through radiation treatment. She buys a wig. She goes on vacation. She has moments of fear and panic, but even she acknowledges that the movie version of her life will likely have more dramatic scenes than her reality.

Her writing style is lovely. The chapters are often very short (sometimes only a paragraph), and while it could have ventured into overly flowery language, it straddles that line of near poetry and reality.

Saturday

18

November 2017

0

COMMENTS

The Mole People by Jennifer Toth

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Three Stars

Best for: People who have wondered about those who life on the edges of our society.

In a nutshell: Journalism graduate student decides to investigate the lives of those who live in the tunnels underneath Manhattan.

Line that sticks with me: “ ‘This Coalition for the Homeless is just bullshit,’ he says. ‘Red tape ad litigation. They are procrastinators. They thrive on the homeless. Without us, they wouldn’t have jobs, and they know it.’ “

Why I chose it: A colleague who knows I read an unusually large number of books gave this to me.

Review: Hmmm. This book has be thinking many things. I started out thinking the author had some good intentions in writing it, but by the epilogue I was curious as to what her real motivation was.

I lived in NYC for a few years, and had heard stories about homeless people living in the subway tunnels, so when my colleague offered this book to me I decided to take it. The stories in it are intriguing for sure, although the validity of her research has been questioned by some. Not the stories, but the actual tunnels. When looking to see what Ms. Toth is up to these days, I came across this blog post, which seems to call into question nearly all of her descriptions of the tunnels. This doesn’t mean the stories themselves are also made up, but it does give me some pause.

This book could have benefited greatly from an editor. Not a line editor per say (although some language choices cut the flow for me), but an overall editor. There are over 20 chapters in this book, and some read as independent essays, while others feel like a continuation of the previous chapter. It lacks a cohesive organizing force, and I found that made it more challenging for me to get into, which surprised me, as the stories themselves are quite compelling.

I live in Seattle, and we have so many people living as homeless, to the point that our previous mayor declared it an emergency, which led to an activation of the emergency operations center for months this year. When I was reading about the police coming into tunnels and destroying the homes of these folks ‘for their safety’ so they wouldn’t come back and would feel compelled to seek shelter, I was reminded of the sweeps of encampments taking place daily in our city.

I don’t know how to best create a society where we care for our neighbors, whether they live in a house, apartment, SRO, RV, or in a tent in a park. And moreover, I don’t know how to create a society where, if people do not want to live in an RV or tent, they have options that don’t involve having to give up a beloved pet or stay in a shelter away from their partner. The quote I chose above comes from someone Ms. Toth interviewed for her book; it doesn’t not necessarily reflect my views on homeless advocacy. I’ve worked in government for nearly a decade, and I know that services provided both by the government and by non-profits can come with a ton of strings, and that there are people who realize that, if successful, they’ve worked themselves out of a job. But I don’t believe that they work less hard because of that. I just think our society hasn’t accepted that there may be some solutions out there that we aren’t willing to pay.

As for the specifics of this book, I can’t say whether Ms. Toth met as many different communities as she claims to have, or if all of the stories she shares are true. But on the last page of the epilogue, she said something that bothered me:

“Some people with self-destructive ways made me angry — not for the material things I gave them, but for things they took from within myself. They took from me unrelenting optimism. At times, they took my happiness. They brought an emptiness to my adventure, turning a great story into a human one that I might never put to rest.”

I’m just not sure how to read this sentence without being smacked in the face by her lack of self-awareness. Like, people who live underground “took” your unrelenting optimism? I’m sorry, but are you complaining that people living homeless gave you the sads and maybe put a cloud over your “adventure?” What the hell?

She also seemed to give very little space to women living homeless. She mentions 40% of those in the tunnels may be women, but she devotes only one of the two dozen chapters specifically to women, and in that one nearly all are defined in their relationship to the man in their life.

If you’re interested in the issues covered in this book, I’d suggest checking it out of the library. I don’t think it’s what I’d call ‘a keeper.’

Wednesday

15

November 2017

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COMMENTS

Manners by Kate Spade

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Three Stars

Best for: Someone looking for a book of miscellaneous etiquette tips and lovely little watercolor illustrations.

In a nutshell: Iconic fashion designer Kate Spade offers some tips for being gracious in your daily interactions

Line that sticks with me: “But might doesn’t equal right, so to all ad hoc experts and lecturers please don’t pontificate on the paint. Lecture halls have seats; museums and galleries don’t.”

Why I chose it: I bought this at least two years ago. I reviewed the second in this little serious of books, ‘Style,’ during one of the Cannonball Reads. Plus, it’s an etiquette book.

Review: You all know I love etiquette books, right? I find manners fascinating. I know that some things we view as good manners are just classist ways of being, but I also think that manners are also a way to be respectful of others. I think this line from Blast From the Past sums it up perfectly:

Troy: “He said, good manners are just a way of showing other people we have respect for them. See, I didn’t know that, I thought it was just a way of acting all superior.”

I have three bookshelves full of etiquette and style books. One of them is from the 1920s. I find them fascinating. To the point that now I have my own etiquette website. This book is a bit of a hodgepodge, with only the loosest idea of organization or theme. But that’s okay. It’s fun to look at, and for the most part the tips were spot on.

However, throughout, Ms. Spade includes some quotes from herself and from her husband. And one (from her husband Andy) I found to be extremely distasteful:

“Have you ever seen an 80-year-old woman look great with a tattoo?”

First off, why limit this to women? As written, Mr. Spade seems to be suggesting that perhaps there are men who look great with tattoos, but not women. That’s sexist, and certainly not a sign of good manners.

But also … I have. Check these folks out. (There are a lot of pictures of dudes here, but also of women, and they are awesome.) It’s just a graceless comment, and is particularly out of place in a book on manners.

Tuesday

14

November 2017

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COMMENTS

Trainwreck by Sady Doyle

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Four Stars

Best for: People who maybe enjoy the schadenfreud of the seeming downfall of famous women but who are also interested in maybe stopping that.

In a nutshell: Author Sady Doyle examines all the ways we push women and judge them for their imperfections.

Line that sticks with me: “We spend so much time pathologizing “overemotional” women that we scarcely ever ask what those women are emotional about.”

Why I chose it: I’m on a bit of a roll, reading about women who fight the system, who get taken down and fight back. This seemed to fit in nicely.

Review: I’ve laughed at Lindsay Lohan (and not just when she’s being weirdly supportive of Harvey Weinstein – when she’s getting pulled over and drugs are found on her). I’ve scoffed at Britney Spears before her very public meltdown, then did a 180 and for some reason only really saw her humanity when she was being put into conservatorship. I’ve prefaced statements of support for Hillary Clinton with “I know she isn’t perfect, but,” as though there is some politician who is.

I’m also a feminist, and I get real angry when women are dismissed as overly emotional, or irrational, or crazy. And while I sort of know how these two seemingly diametrically opposed philosophies can coexist in my mind, this book brought it to light.

Ms. Doyle provides a look not just at how we seemingly root for women to fail (but then laud them after they’ve died), but the history of how this has been going on for literally centuries. This isn’t an examination of Britney Spears (although her story features prominently in some chapters); it’s an examination of western society and how we treat women. Mostly, how we treat famous women, but Ms. Doyle uses that to point out that this translates to how we treat women in general. How we silence them, how we judge them, how we don’t allow them to be whole, complex people.

Parts are rough to read (although the writing itself is great), but nothing made me madder than the afterward that Ms. Doyle chose to include, discussing in about 20 pages the 2016 election outcome. She has a chapter where she discusses both Hillary Clinton and Monica Lewinski, but this afterward looks specifically at Secretary Clinton in light of what we gave up, how we as a country decided we’d rather have an admitted sexual assaulting liar with no government experience than an extraordinarily qualified person who also is a woman. It hurts (and it’s why “What Happened” has been on my nightstand since it was released but I haven’t been able to open it), and it’s hard to find a lot of hope in it. But we’ll see, right?

Sunday

12

November 2017

0

COMMENTS

What I’m Reading – November 12, 2017

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Abuse and Harassment

“But as a society, we don’t want to take responsibility for the abuse we create, enable, and strengthen. Because most of that responsibility lies with men and so many of them are very invested in keeping things the way they are — especially because they haven’t quite reached their life’s goal to be successful enough to be able to violate the consent of the most beautiful of the trophies we also know as women without consequence. Yes, everyone contributes to the patriarchy in some way — even women—but about half of us have had no say in the rules of the game, have never had a chance at winning, and have been given just as little say in whether or not we will play.” When You Can’t Throw All Men Into The Ocean And Start Over, What CAN You Do? (by Ijeoma Oluo for The Establishment)

“Here’s a theory: Some people have chosen to ignore Kelly’s alleged behavior because the victims of it have been black girls. As Jim DeRogatis, the Chicago-based reporter behind the BuzzFeed piece who has tirelessly covered the singer’s off-stage behavior for almost two decades, told the Voice in 2013, “The saddest fact I’ve learned is nobody matters less to our society than young black women.”” The latest R Kelly allegations are more evidence that black women’s words are never enough (by Jamilah Lemieux for Mic)

“The explicit goal of the investigations, laid out in one contract with Black Cube, signed in July, was to stop the publication of the abuse allegations against Weinstein that eventually emerged in the New York Times and The New Yorker. Over the course of a year, Weinstein had the agencies “target,” or collect information on, dozens of individuals, and compile psychological profiles that sometimes focussed on their personal or sexual histories. Weinstein monitored the progress of the investigations personally. He also enlisted former employees from his film enterprises to join in the effort, collecting names and placing calls that, according to some sources who received them, felt intimidating.” Harvey Weinstein’s Army of Spies (by Ronan Farrow for The New Yorker)

“Solo was speaking to Portuguese magazine Expresso about sexual harassment in women’s sports and its prevalence. She then revealed that Sepp Blatter, then the president of world soccer’s governing body, groped her in 2013 as they were about to present the women’s player of the year award at the Ballon d’Or gala. “I had Sepp Blatter grab my ass,” she said.” Hope Solo Said The Head Of FIFA Groped Her At An Awards Show (by Claudia Koerner for BuzzFeed)

“Two of Corfman’s childhood friends say she told them at the time that she was seeing an older man, and one says Corfman identified the man as Moore. Wells says her daughter told her about the encounter more than a decade later, as Moore was becoming more prominent as a local judge. Aside from Corfman, three other women interviewed by The Washington Post in recent weeks say Moore pursued them when they were between the ages of 16 and 18 and he was in his early 30s, episodes they say they found flattering at the time, but troubling as they got older. None of the three women say that Moore forced them into any sort of relationship or sexual contact.” Woman says Roy Moore initiated sexual encounter when she was 14, he was 32 (by Stephanie McCrummen, Beth Reinhard and Alice Crites for The Washington Post)

“Thurman is seething, like we have all been seething, in our various states of breaking open or, as Thurman chooses, waiting. We are seething at how long we have been ignored, seething for the ones who were long ago punished for telling the truth, seething for being told all of our lives that we have no right to seethe. Thurman’s rage is palpable yet contained, conveying not just the tempestuous depths of #MeToo but a profound understanding of the ways that female anger is received and weaponized against women.” Brave Enough to Be Angry (by Lindy West for the New York Times)

Fatphobia

“Giles Coren writes a column for Esquire about fatherhood. His most recent piece is titled: “I Don’t Care What My Son Becomes… As Long As He Isn’t Overweight.” I thought I couldn’t be shocked by fatphobia anymore but I was wrong.” Giles Coren: Garbage Human, Fatphobe and, Horrifyingly, Father (by Ragen Chastain for Dances with Fat)

Possible Genocide

“Countries must fully fund the UN appeal and close the funding gap that is leaving traumatized children without basic food, water, and shelter. Finally, member states of the United Nations must assess what diplomatic efforts can enable them to fulfill their responsibility to protect the Rohingya. We must not be bystanders to this genocide. We cannot allow people to be slaughtered and burnt out of their homes, while the world watches.” The Rohingya are facing genocide. We cannot be bystanders (by Salman Rushdie, Kiran Desai, Madhur Jaffrey, Aziz Ansari, Mindy Kaling, Riz Ahmed, Freida Pinto for The Guardian)

Life Choices

“Needless to say, some women in the United States and other countries have always refused both roles. Nonetheless, the idea that a woman is incomplete if she does not have at least one child has long been part of the social contract, with many a shaking head greeting those who make clear that they have other plans for their lives. “You’ll regret it later,” they hear. “Who will care for you when you grow old?”” Here’s a Fact: Some Women Do Regret Becoming Mothers (by Eleanor J. Bader for Rewire)

 

Saturday

11

November 2017

0

COMMENTS

Reset by Ellen Pao

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Five Stars

Best for: Men who don’t seem to get how hard it is for women and people of color at the highest levels of their field; women who need a little inspiration and some bad ass women to look up to.

In a nutshell: Woman of color venture capitalist is sabotaged by the old boys club in infuriating ways, fights back all the way to court, loses, but still comes out WAY ahead of those assholes.

Line that sticks with me: “I was appalled by their refusal to admit, despite their near-total homogeneity, that they had any problems with diversity.”

Why I chose it: My husband, who works in tech and is especially interested in inclusion, purchased this and recommended it to me after he finished it.

Review: I’m exhausted. Ladies, are you exhausted? Every day I open twitter and cringe as I scroll through my feed, wondering who the latest man is who did something ranging from depraved and disgusting (say, multiple allegations of sexual assault of a minor – sup Kevin Spacey) to depraved and disturbing (say, pulling out one’s penis and masturbating in front of non-consenting adults – sup Louis C.K.). In just the last 24 hours, I’ve spent time with three sets of friends, and every time at least part — if not most — of our discussion involved how we’re all feeling during this time. What this is bringing back up for people who’ve been harassed (e.g., all women). What this means for men trying to figure out how to have these conversations with their female friends. What the difference is between being a sexual assaulter, being a sexual harasser, and just being a misogynistic, racist asshole.

I say this as a preface to my review because while this book focuses primarily on that last category of mistreatment women face in the workplace, I couldn’t help but think about all of the different ways in which men use their power – whether implicitly or explicitly, to hold women down. There are moments of sexual harassment (a colleague lied to Ms. Pao and said he and his wife had separated, then retaliated against her when she found out about his lie and stopped dating him), but the real injustice comes from the millions of ways that the higher levels of industry — in this case, the tech world — perpetuate the idea that men do the work and women should be thought of primarily as assistants.

Ms. Pao’s resume is absurd. She has a bachelor’s in engineering from Princeton. She graduated from Harvard Law School and worked as an attorney. She then returned to Harvard Business School to earn her MBA. And she worked her way across Silicon Valley at start-ups until she was pursued by a venture capital (VC) firm called Kleiner Perkins. While serving as John Doerr’s technical chief of staff, she witnessed and experienced distressing episode after distressing episode. Junior men who produced less were promoted above more qualified women who had produced more. Men automatically assumed the women would take notes or fetch coffee. Men held all-dude retreats, keeping women out of the rooms where the important deals were being made.

So much in this book makes me want to throw things. It’s maddening and disgusting and disheartening. But the reality is, Ms. Pao was never in danger of being, say, left homeless or without an income. So it doesn’t have the urgency of, say, a book about the mistreatment of undocumented farm workers who may very well lose everything if they report abuse.

But at the same time, even though her lawsuit was a long shot, she chose to take it on because she knew she could afford to lose, and wanted to speak out for women who didn’t have the same option. There are a lot of fights we need to engage in, and one of them is making sure that people of color and women not only have a seat at the table, but are listened to and supported in a way that allows them to contribute meaningfully in all realms.

I know that there are some who read about books like this and think that even if people like Ms. Pao are successful, they’re really still only helping more rich people get rich, and not addressing the wealth disparities that allow VC folks to earn millions and millions of dollars while other people make the actual products and perform the labor. And I get that. But I also think about all of the creative work, all the careers, and the ways in which our society is losing out because women and people of color are kept from the rooms where the decisions are made. What amazing tech, what beautiful art, what insightful books have not been created because some straight rich white dudes kept people who don’t look like them down? It’s deeply sad, and our society is the poorer for it.