Fishnet knickers? Yeah, I don’t get it.
Written by Ashley Kelmore, Posted in Adventures
Last night I was tired from all the moving in and such and figured I’d stay in for the evening. But then Justin called with an event too intriguing to miss. His guitar teacher was going to be playing in the LES. But not just in a typical band – in an eastern European band. Um, awesome.
The band was playing in a basement restaurant. When we first entered, it seemed a bit empty. Except for the . . . interestingly dressed women near a small bar. Picture in your mind a stereotype of an eastern European idea of classy, and you’ll understand what we saw. We moved into the main restaurant area, where the band was playing, and secured a space at the bar. The room was filled with mostly older folks, likely ethnically Russian, although there was an entire party of people there around my age who were definitely not ethnically Russian. Everyone seemed to be having fun and enjoying the music. The bad consisted of members playing the tuba, clarinet, horn, saxophone, guitar, fiddle, drums and accordion, plus a singer. The fiddle player especially was amazing.
I really enjoyed the music – I even signed up for their email list. It was fun and unexpected. But what occurred during one of the band’s breaks was REALLY unexpected.
So when we first got there, as I mentioned, the women hovering near the smaller bar were dressed in an interesting manner. I missed one woman, but Justin noticed her (of course). She was wearing a sparkly silver thong and a satin jacket. And that was it.
During the break, someone starts telling us we should step away from the bar, and take our drinks with it, because someone was going to dance on it. Um, what? Had we found the Ukrainian Coyote Ugly? No – it was better than that. So, Sparkly Thong woman gets up on the bar (barefoot), and some generic “sexy” music starts playing. And she’s holding a bottle of vodka. I could tell you the brand, but I’d rather not promote it. Anyway, her dance was part of a promotion for the vodka.
She clearly has dance training (and had a killer body). I also notice she’s wearing fishnet knickers. With a run that had been sewn up. I’m not clear as to what possible purpose fishnet knickers might serve – why wear ‘nylons’ that end just below the knee?
She’s dancing, and then she removes her shiny jacket to reveal a sparkly red bra. And she continues moving provocatively. I was trying so hard to not lose it. But it was close to impossible, ESPECIALLY when she TOOK OFF HER BRA. No wonder they were checking IDs at the door. She had some very sparkly red pasties on, and she did some more shimmying before ending with a full split on the bar. Frankly, that was just unsanitary.
To recap, the evening of my first night in my new place involved a few drinks, some great Russian music, and a striptease. I love New York!
