ASK Musings

No matter where you go, there you are.



June 2008



Sure I’ll be in heaven, but what will happen to my money?

Written by , Posted in Random

The popularity of the “Left Behind” series of books and straight to DVD movies (starring – sniff – Kirk Cameron) is evidence that some people do think that the Bible is the literal word of God, and they worry about the Rapture. I don’t quite understand how it all is supposed to work, but here is what I’ve learned today. Apparently, the rapture will happen, and all the believers will be whisked away to heaven, while the rest of us atheists / fornicators / gluttons will be sentenced to seven years under the rule of the Antichrist.

Now, in theory, all those folks who were right about God and are enjoying heaven shouldn’t have a care in the world, because they’ll all be together. But, someone recognized that hey, it might be possible that one of these true believes might know or (shudder) be related to a NON BELIEVER. And the NON BELIEVER might be worried about the believer’s whereabouts. Since the believer’s body will be gone, they won’t even be declared dead for seven years (which is just as long as the Antichrist will rule – eerie).

Enter the enterprising Christians at You’ve Been Left Behind dot com. For a mere $40 a year (hey, that’s less than $4 a month!), they will allow you to store important (and sensitive) information – financial and otherwise – that your heathen brethren would need to access should you be swept away.  

Here’s how it works: you (the believer) pay, and then you’re given access to their super-private, super secure system, where you can store all the keys to your kingdom – social security number, bank account numbers, etc. And you can select up to 62 (does that have some Biblical significance?) people to receive an email after you head to Heaven. How, you ask? Well, apparently five staffers at You’ve Been Left Behind dot com must log in every day. After three days of at least three of them not logging in, the system is “triggered.” After that, another three days pass, and if still no logging in occurs, then boom! Emails (and all of your personal and financial information) are off.

A million questions are swirling in my head. But the first is – why didn’t I think of that? Think of the money to be made. The second, of course, is what will happen when someone accidentally screws up and the trigger is set so that a bunch of your closest friends (well, not that close, since they are going to hell) are sent all of your personal information?

This is all so . . . interesting.

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